Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I Love Me Some Awards

I interrupt your regularly scheduled blog once again with some breaking news...

I still love me some awards!

Dude Write

And speaking of awards, I was the People's Champ in Dude Write with the popular votes.  Thanks to all that voted and I guess my Pocket Pussy post was a hit!  But...

Mother Fluffer!  Yesterday was  my birthday and it went pretty well too.  I went to work and asked my boss if I could leave early.  To my surprise he said yes and told me to have a happy birthday, normally it is "What the hell do you mean leave early?  You need to work seventy hours a week so that we can yell at you sixty-five of them.", but this time I was able to come home early and chillax for a little while.

The Minions came home from school and The Trophy made a nice lasagna dinner.  I poured myself a glass of Angry Orchard Strawman and settled in to watch the Minions play Skylanders.  Throughout the day I was reminded via Twitter that I had to do something to do on my blog, you see I was given another one of those blogger awards by Sleepy Bard over at Insomniac's Dream.  Who by the way is an awesome blogger and if you are not following her go do it now...but come back here of course.  At first glimpse it looked like a pretty cool award.

The Very Inspiring Blogger Award...wait, the Very INSPIRING Blogger Award?  That's kind of fucked up right there, how do I inspire people?  All I do is bitch about the human race and tell messed up stories about the the Minions.  The only things I could inspire other bloggers to do is:

  1. Inspire them not to have kids. (Just kidding, kids are great...yeah that's it.)
  2. Inspire them that any old schlub can blog.  (3,000 views in October to 40,000 now?)

But alas, Sleepy Bard seems to think I inspire her because here is what she said:

Kevin, who hates being given these awards, is getting one.  Not just out of spite (I do so enjoy watching him squirm when has to write these pieces) but because he does inspire me.  He's a very talented writer, full of amazeballs humor.  If you have not been following his blog, you need to do so now. Who Woulda Thought

I do like the sound of amazeballs humor...but there was an ulterior motive, to MAKE me squirm because she knows I am an award whore and I will blog about the award.  So strap yourselves in, here we go....

Like every other blogger award there are your basic rules, you know kicking a pygmy goat in the balls, wearing a loin cloth in the mall and stabbing Fran Drescher in the uterus.  OK, not really but you are supposed to explain seven things about yourself and pass the award onto other bloggers...wait, any seven things about myself I want to explain and how many bloggers?  Those rules seem very vague but oh well.

1.  There are very few things I hate, I despise a lot of things, but I hate cotton balls.  I simply cannot stand cotton balls and the way they squeak.  Pulling them out of a bottle of aspirin or removing them from a bag is pure agony for me.

2.  I am "Gay for Star Wars" but I am not your typical Fanboy, I don't believe Jar Jar ruined the franchise, I like the changes Lucas did to the movies and it bothers me that Chewbacca doesn't get a medal alongside Luke and Han during the ceremony on Yavin IV in A New Hope.

3.  I can fart on command.  I consider it to be a super power of sorts. 

4.  I'm not a big fan of reading books.  I read a few chapters and then stop for months on end.  I will eventually read the whole book but it takes me a while, however I do enjoy reading blogs because they are short stories.  Don't judge.

5.  I secretly want to be a stand up comic, well I guess it's not a secret anymore.  I love attending comedy shows and I always hope that one time there will be an open mic.

6.  Although it goes without saying, I am a geek.  I was a geek before it was cool to be a geek and there is a difference between a geek and a nerd, but I cannot delve into that right now, it maybe a published work on a different site at some point.

7.  I am an award whore and I love it when people give me awards because I am funny and they enjoy me.  I despise the stupid ass rules that come along with some awards.  The first award I ever received was the Leibster award and there were no rules with that one, but the ones that followed...what the fuck?

Now, on a serious note, there are blogs out there that inspire me, MANY blogs that inspire me and if I listed them all it would take up my whole post so I am going to limit it to three.

Ken-inatractor - Ken has some awesome story telling skills and I envy that.  Every post he writes is captivating and I love picking on him because he is from the Great White North, eh!

The Incoherent Ramblings of a Moose - Lily, dear sweet Lily and Spawn, we can't forget about Spawn.  Her way of writing is none other and the way she uses words put's Edgar Alan Poe to shame.  She has in fact inspired me to write more and jump into the blogging world head first.  Lily was one of my first real followers and despite being across the Pond, I feel close to her.

The Six-Fingered Monkey - Six has been dubbed my non-official Arch-Nemesis after his Bendict Arnold maneuver on Instagrams (you bastard).  Despite being my Arch-Nemesis, he inspires me to try to be funnier and get more awards than him.

Alright, enough of the sentimental crap, take your award and begone, oh and enjoy coming up with seven things!


  1. You ARE pretty inspiring, and the awards are well deserved! Congratulations!

    You've gone and put me in with some pretty significant bloggers there. WOW! Thanks! that enough exclamation marks yet?

    Anyways, I'll do my best to extol your virtues and gush all over you in my follow-up post.

    Thanks so much!

    .....and I'm wondering, what are you stabbing Fran Drescher in the uterus with? I'm not sure if I should be repulsed or impressed.

    1. You need to use a few more exclamation marks!!!!!!

      As for what I'm stabbing her with, that's my secret :-)

  2. Thanks a lot. Dick.

    Annoying post to follow...

  3. Damn you man! I was just coming over to say that the award was well deserved and then you go and make me laugh and cry at the same bloody time!!

    And you are an inspiring blogger. Think back to all the doubts you had about your writing, to where you are now. I always believed in you and this blog and I was damn well right to. :)

    1. A well deserved award for you, you were literally one of my first real followers, I don't count close friends and family. Thanks for being there and if I can just go viral damnit,

  4. Congrats on the award, and hey, no judgments here about reading books. We know not everyone's into reading books, so that's why we blog. It's like writing a very tiny novel twice a week, or so I tell myself so I can excuse my being a mostly unpaid, full time writer.