Thursday, June 7, 2012

I Wear A Target

Something hit me today while I was standing in line at the grocery store today, well more specifically standing in line at the grocery store wearing my work uniform.  I have a job, like many other people, that require you to wear a uniform with the company logo on it.  The logo is inevitably a target for morons.  However, it's never been a huge issue to me except for a few instances where people are either A) Completely rude or B) Completely stupid. Let me explain...

I am standing in line at the grocery store like I had previously mentioned and the person in front of me turned around, like most of us do, to see who got into line behind them.  He looked at me and then at the logo on my jacket and back at me.

As I Get Older...This Is What I Become

"So, you work for ________?"

(No shit for brains, I just wear the jacket because it's stylish) "Yes I do."

"Huh....I went there a few months ago and got a price from you guys."

(Well whoopty-fucking-doo) "Oh, cool, thanks for shopping with us."

"The place down the road beat you guys by $20, HA, how's that make you feel?"

(Really assclown?  You're going to assault me about the company I work for because you're a fucktard?) "Ah, sorry about that, but did you know that if you had brought your quote from them we would have beat their price by 5%?"

"Oh, well, I didn't want to run around all day."

(Well that's your problem fuck face, you dildo munching wombat.) "Well keep that in mind for next time, you're up in line by the way." (Seeing you have been trying to feel better about yourself by trying to tear me down to your level the whole time we've been in line.)

Then there is the letter B.  Same scenario...

"Do you work for _______?"

(Sigh, can I punch you in the ovaries?) "Yes I do."

"Oh cool, I need to purchase some things from you, what is the price of ____ for my car?"

(Gee, let me run over to the local store and get that price for you) "Um, what size do you need?"

"It's for a 1999 Ford Escort, I think they are...."

"Ma'am in all honesty, the best thing to do is go into your local store and the sales people there can give you exact pricing.  (I don't have my sales book on me while I am getting milk, diapers and hemorrhoid cream at Shaw's.)

That person was just stupid.

Think about it...wait first, if you have ever done that to someone and it wasn't at their place of employment, I want you to walk out your front door, lie down in the middle of the road and wait for the next semi truck to run you over, you inconsiderate assloaf.  Sorry, so where was I...oh yeah, think about it for a minute, you're walking down the RIGHT side of the mall and you run into the following:

A Stand Up Comic (THE Best By The Way)

"Hey, can you make me laugh?  I need to laugh right now."  Probably not, ask for his autograph, sure, but he's not on stage so why would you expect him to do his routine for you? 

A Soldier - Thank You!
"I know you probably just got off of drill weekend or even just got back from 18 months overseas, but I hear you guys are tough sonsofbitches, can you show me how many pushups you can do?"  No dillweed, you thank them for their service and let them be.

A Server - DON'T Piss Them Off

(This one's for you Heather) -  "Oh excuse me miss?  I know the restaurant you work at isn't even remotely close to here, but could you tell me the early bird specials?"  Maybe she hasn't even been to work yet so she doesn't know Tuesday's specials or even worse, maybe she just got off her shift and the customers were rude, obnoxious and lousy tippers.  The last thing she wants to do is to recall her shitty work night.

A Clown - Feel Free To Kick Him In The GoNads

Well, yes you have permission to piss of a clown, those creepy, cotton ball squishing, grease paint wearing, bowling pin juggling, little car driving freaks.  Piss them off all you want.

My point is this, would you want to be bugged by some stranger about work on your day off or while you were rushing through Target getting cold medicine for the three sick Minions in the house, it's the last thing you would want, so don't do it to someone who happens to have to wear a uniform for work.


  1. It's still better than "Oh, do you work here?" -- when you're not wearing a uniform ANYthing like the associates or salespeople there, even with a different logo. Or sometimes with no logo at all.

    1. I get that too...ALL the time, but that doesn't bother me because I can mess with them....evil laugh.

  2. I thought I was the only one who hated the sound of cotton balls, but this is the second time you referenced them.

    1. There are two things in this world I truly hate, clowns and cotton balls. It's interesting I'm not alone with the sound of cotton balls, everyone else looks at me like I have two you have the other half of this amulet?

  3. Hee hee, great post as always.
    As for those dildo munching Wombats, they're costing me a fortune in replacements.

    1. There are different types of wombats you need to watch out for,,,

  4. Kevin, I get people who want to talk to me about exercise and nutrition. I actually don't mind as I figure that if I can get them to change even one thing it will make them healthier. . . BUT. . . I can tell them all sorts of things and give them hundreds to thousands of dollars of advice in a brief conversation only to have them drop the inevitable "well, I don't think that would work for me." I am here to tell you that it WILL. So, while I don't mind "talking shop" I do mind when as soon as we are finished you indicate to me that I just wasted my breath and you are going to hit up the McDonalds and head home to use your abglider.

    1. That's how I feel about Scouts, I have no problem talking shop about that...