That Snot Nice...

This post has been updated for my weekly submission to Dude Write.  It is because I in fact have a nasty, leaky cold.  Check out the awesome blogs over there and come back to vote!

Item 46 on my list of things I despise about getting older:  allergies.

Up until about 2 years ago I didn't have allergies of any kind.  Now each Spring I get the eyes watering, nose running, head blowing up feeling and need to dump mega $$$$ on allergy medications.  I get advice from EVERYONE about what to do about allergies.  These tidbits of advice range anywhere from getting really expensive prescription meds to getting hammered to eating a whole jar of local honey.  I haven't tried everything yet but I have found nothing really works for me...yet.

This kid's got game...

Although the the other night, I was over a friend's house having a few beers and sitting by the fire, and his wife said I should try this nasal spray she had....thanks Kim, it did work but holy shit , I think I now have a bald spot from the spray working it's way up through my nasal passages, into my brain and through my skull and scalp.  This shit is like pepper spray mixed with napalm.  It was like shooting acid up my nose with a Super Soaker.

The directions I was given was to blast two sprays into each nostril.  With my favorite Syd Vicious handing me a tissue and laughing hysterically (in a laugh that she has that just resonates through any structure she is in) my eyes started to water profusely, the mucus disintegrated instantly and I'm pretty sure I don't have to worry about nose hair for quite sometime.  I could breath...it was fantastic.

Now...on top of the allergies, I realized I had a cold too, I still have the cold, so I have been finding myself checking medications and comparing them to make sure they can be combined.  I don't want to end up with some of those side effects you hear about on those medication commercials.  Death, diphtheria, explosive diarrhea, bleeding from the anus, worms, cotton mouth, crossed eyes, buck teeth, toenails falling off, you know what I'm talking about.

I'm not sure if it's the combination of the allergies and the cold, the cross breeding of the medications or even the nasal napalm, but I never knew how much snot can come out of one's nose.  I have gone through two full size boxes of tissue at home, four travel packs in my truck and many, many brown paper towels at various places of business.  The snot color has changed more times than a chameleon.  It started clear, then went to a dark green, then mellowed to a yellow and then to a grey, now it is a neon green.  It just keeps coming, most of the time I catch it but the other night while reading a blog (sorry Heather) snot just poured out of my nose without any warning.  I had no choice but to use the sleeves of my sweatshirt before I could get to my tissue box.  I looked like Dr. Peter Venkman after being slimed in Ghostbusters.

It's not slime, I have allergies/cold.

Today I feel better and have only blown my nose 4 times so far, I am hoping the cold/allergies/death virus is leaving my system.  And yes, I, like all married men, turn into a baby when I am sick and for that I apologize to the Trophy.