Friday, January 11, 2013

Anonymous, You Pussy

I love getting comments, a fellow blogger summed it up perfectly by saying, it's like finding the stray Chicken McNugget in your french fries, in other words it's a great feeling.  One thing that has been on the rise is the amount of anonymous comments I have been getting.  I used to have an open comment section because there are some people who comment but are nutless enough to leave their name, which is fine, I still read them and try to respond to them, but then I started getting the SPAM (and not the gelatinous canned meat) anonymous comments.

I have it set up that every time I get a comment, Blogger sends me an email so I can read it right then and there.  90% of the time when a SPAM anonymous comment appears, Blogger is smart enough NOT to post it.  Sure, nobody is perfect and a few slip in but whatever, no biggie.  Back to my thought, I get an email every time I get a comment so I can read the SPAM anonymous comments and most of them are things like refinancing your mortgage or increasing your stamina but I got one the other day that I saved in my email box, it was posted to my More Power! post.  Here is the email:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "More Power!":

The Doc Johnson Monique Alexander Pussy Pocket Pal is
cast from the woman herself and makes the perfect companion.
You don't even need to buy it dinner first.. Tonight is Night Out by Little Man Ice.... The Pocket Pussy VS the real pussy Videos ... Title: The Pocket Pussy VS the real pussy : Description: The Pocket Pussy VS the real pussy.
Feel free to visit my web blog pocket pussy

Feel free to re-read it if you have to, it took me a few times to get it to sink in.  Alright, now let me break it down for you because this comment raises all kinds of questions...

The Doc Johnson Monique Alexander Pussy Pocket Pal is
cast from the woman herself and makes the perfect companion.

First, who is Doc Johnson and Monique Alexander or are they the same person?  Is the Pussy Pocket Pal made from Monique Alexander's pussy?  How would I know if I like the feel of Monique?  Who the hell needs to carry a fake rubber vagina in their pocket?  I am sure it DOES NOT make the perfect companion.  How do they cast the mold?  That must hurt like hell unless Monique is a corpse and that is just fucked up right there.  Is it like my Minion's Creepy Crawler set where they squeeze hot slime into a hard plastic mold?  There are so many unanswered questions there.

You don't even need to buy it dinner first..

Whew!  Thank the maker!  That would be awkward on the first date.  You're sitting at a table for two and the waiter comes over to take your order.  "I'll have the steak, medium rare and the rubber twat will have the tuna."  The waiter would come back and offer bread as a starter and you would have to refuse because your date would get a yeast infection (try the shrimp, I'm here all night).

Tonight is Night Out by Little Man Ice

What the fajita does that mean?  I thought you were trying to sell me a portable masturbation device not a dating guide by some white rapper? It's OK, I can say that, I'm white.  Wait a minute, I thought I didn't have to take the Pocket Pussy out to dinner but now you are suggesting I go clubbing with Monique's vag instead?  It can't be a very good dancer.  "Oh my God Becky, look...at...that...twat, it's like stuck to the floor."


The Pocket Pussy VS the real pussy Videos ... Title: The Pocket Pussy VS the real pussy : Description: The Pocket Pussy VS the real pussy.

I did not check the video out but I can only imagine that they answered some of my other questions about this little contraption.  How do you clean it?  Let's face it, guys make a mess, there's no way around it.  Are there testimonials?  Who would really show their face saying how great this product was?  "I bought Doc Johnson's product and it changed my life, I'll never need a real woman ever again."
   
Feel free to visit my web blog pocket pussy

Then they direct you to their blog.  What kind of blog is this?  Do you review sex products?  "After I tried the Doc Johnson Pocket Pussy, I was compelled to try out the Double Ended Super Snake."  Most blogs that I follow post anecdotes about their lives, do we get to read cute little anecdotes about the life of Monique Alexander?

Holy shitballs people, what is wrong with you?  I am curious though to how many people have actually used a portable masturbation device like this, I mean give yourselves a hand for shit's sake.  Yeah, I went there and did a dick joke.



Dude Write
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25 comments:

  1. Hands down, (pun intended) this post of yours was a crier - I was seriously laughing so hard tears are pooling in the corners of my eyes.

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  2. FUCK! I was LITERALLY just writing a port about all the fucking SPAM that I am getting lately. Now its going to look like I am copying you. So, I'm gonna put this right out there now as a defense. I'm still writing my blog post (though it is a bit different).

    It seems that the spammers are stepping up their game now. Bastards... but for some reason I never get sex toy spam. Why are they choosing you over me? I'm angry. I want pocket pussy spam...

    Great post.

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  3. I am so, SO glad I read this at work! Hey.... what's that buzzing noise coming from 2 cubes over? Ewwww......

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  4. Wouldn't pocket pussies collect lint and stuff if you kept it in your pocket? That's pretty gross! Kinda gives a whole new meaning to "knocking the dust off that pussy before you hit it."

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  5. I was going through the Blogger feed and this title jumped right out at me. Oh my freaking God, this is, I mean so hysterically funny. Twat twitchingly funny. My friend, you have outdone yourself. High five! Oh, and is that a pussy in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Meow.

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  6. I LLOLed (literally laughed out loud) at your dinner order. Good thing the boy is immersed in a Backyardigans video game; I don't know what I would have said if he asked why I was laughing.

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  7. Peed a little...AT WORK, thankyouverymuch!

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  8. Just about snorted coffee on my computer screen. This is awesome.

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  9. Aww, I'm jealous! All I ever get are the ones obviously written in another language and put through a translation program.

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  10. I'd have no respect for a man who had one of those things. "Too cheap to buy a sex doll" is what I'd think.

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  11. I had 58, that's right, 58 spam comments last week but not one about a pocket pussy. Erm...do they...er...take postal orders...?

    Spammers are like Daddy Long legs, there's a certain month when they're about in abundance, annoying the arse off everyone, before disappearing once again...bastards!

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  12. I gotta admit, I did laugh quite a bit reading this.

    I don't get too much spam, but it is equally laughable.

    WG

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  13. My question is, does this type of advertisement work? I'm guessing it does (which blows my mind) otherwise why would they keep doing it.

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  14. Well, it's good to know I'm not the only one getting sex toy comments. They've just started popping up, and I was wondering what the heck was attracting them to my blog! Now your blog I could see, but mine??? Ha ha ;)

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  15. I've been getting these spam comments for pocket pussies also. Clever of you to make a post out of it.

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  16. And there's me thinking you were talking about kittens you can take home from the pet shop without need of a carrier!

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  17. I can't tell you how happy I am to not be the only one getting this stuff. But not the sex toy spam. I seem to be missing the sex toy market? I get the insurance sites and the how to make money sites. Now I feel like I'm missing out and wondering if I'm coming across as some stuffy white collar guy?

    I wonder if there's some way to spam the spammers?

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  18. And if you put a dildo in your pocket too, you become totally superfluous.

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  19. This was hilarious! I am getting bombarded with spammers too but nothing so interesting as the Pocket Pussy. Mine are just generic "would you put this link on your page, your readers might find it interesting" I really doubt my readers would find anything about the bible interesting and if they had read my blog that is the last place they would want their link.

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  20. Holy shit that's hilarious. I love how the address is pocketpussy.org. Oh, good, it's a nonprofit! I wonder where all of the proceeds go!

    And yes, these kinds of comments have been on the rise for us, too. They're getting by Lord Google and now I have to be rid of them myself, which is no fun task seeing as how we get about 10 spam comments per day.

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  21. I laughed so hard I am crying. Literally. Tears are rolling down my face.

    What a twatwaffle for spamming you.

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  22. Really great post, dude. It definitely made me LOL a few times.

    I have had quite a few of these comments on my blog, but they all tend to lean towards terrorism rather than sexual encounters.

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  23. Thank you for this wonderful article.
    When i buy pocket pussy I am the happiest man in the world really, cause I don't have stupid and boring relationship and I fu*k all the time anyway :D

    ReplyDelete
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