Thursday, April 4, 2013

A To Z Challenge: Doctors

I have decided to post a picture of a character from Star Wars for each letter too, just a little side note.

I had a tough time with the letter D this time around, I could have done dumbasses, douches or a whole slew of other D words but I chose to talk about Doctors.
Doctors are fantastic people and without them we could die.  There is no denying that they chose this career path because they want to help people and for that I applaud them.  The question is how did they choose what kind of doctor they wanted to be?  Sure you have the general practitioner but what about the other "specialists"?

I rarely go to the doctor but when I do there is something seriously wrong with me like a broken shoulder, bleeding from the ass (THAT'S a blog post on it's own) or my knee is blown out.  The only other reason I go is to get a physical if and when needed, that's it.  The last time I went to the doctors was to get my broken shoulder checked out after a car accident and my doctor sent me to a specialist.  I asked her, "What is he a specialist for?" and she told me that he was a specialist for shoulders.

This got me thinking what other specialists are there in the medical profession?  Does every body part have a specialist?

"Ouch, I broke my tibia."

"You better go see the tibiaologist."

After doing some research I can tell you that yes, pretty much every part of your body has a specialist attached to it if you need them, but the question still remains, what made them decide to specialize in that particular part of the anatomy.  When going to med school, I'm sure there is a point in a budding doctor's schooling where they have to decide what road to take, kind of like the game of Life, but why did they choose what they chose?

Gynecologists.  At what point in a doctor's schooling do they say, "Hey I know about pussies, I can be a gynecologist."  What possesses them to have to look at sperm shoots all day long, wouldn't that get boring after a while?  I mean you head home after a long day at the office and the last thing you want to see is another vagina or maybe not, but wouldn't it be like taking your work home with you?

Podiatrists.  Let's face it feet are nasty, at least mine are.  I was almost cast by Peter Jackson to walk with Frodo, Mary and Sam to Mt. Doom.  I've heard of foot fetishes before but to make a profession out of it takes it to whole new level. I couldn't even imagine dealing with stinky ass feet on a daily basis.  "I'm going to need you to shave your feet next time, Mrs. Jones and Dr. V. Gina called me to ask me to have you shave that too."

Dermatologists.  Have you ever watch Austin Powers:  Goldmember?  You know the bad guy, Goldmember and his consistent eating of his dead skin?  Yeah, that's what I picture people at the dermatologist look like.  They go to the office with dead skin flapping all over and ask for an ointment.  Imagine having to sweep up the floor of your office after each visit, you could sell it to a honky tonk bar because it's cheaper than sawdust.  That and on top of the rashes, cuts and bumps...yuck.

Leprologists.  Wait...wasn't the last case of leprosy recorded in the bible some 2000 years ago?  Is there really a huge need for a Leprologist now a days?  I mean even third world nations have that shit controlled.  What year during med school do you decide that leprosy is a big issue and you should become a specialist in it?  "You know what?  I think I want to help people who have had body parts fall the fuck off."

Urologists.  These doctors bring a whole new meaning to golden showers, they study that piss.  What do you want to be when you grow up?  I want to be a piss doctor.  Are they watching fetish porns in med school and there is scene of three guys peeing on a girl and the epiphany hits?  "I bet there are all sorts of things I should look at with that piss."

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough about doctors and if you're a doctor reading really?  I'm honored but don't take offense if you happen to be a deflowered slut tunnel doctor.


  1. Some of these specialties really make me wonder why anyone would choose them in the first place. Does one grow up dreaming of a career in proctology and revel in poking people in the ass all day? I guess someone's got to do it

  2. Maybe it's a case of "well, someones got to look at skivy feet, so let's put straws." And then shortest one gets the joy of being a podiatrist. The plus side is that as a specialist they can charge mega moolah for their 15 minutes.

  3. My dad's proctologist is a Dr. Spinca. Poor soul was pre-destined for sphincter work. And really, what makes someone think, "hey, I wanna shove hoses up asses for a living!"???

    My grandmother broke her ankle two months ago. She found she couldn't go to her regular orthopedist because evidently he specializes in knees. She had to wait two months to get in to an ankle doctor. If you went to med school, you ought to know how it ALL works.

  4. Oh no! Now whenever I go to see my Gynecologists, I'm forever gonna think of her as a slut tunnel doctor. Thanks for that thought Kevin. :)

  5. The idea of being a doctor terrifies me. I can barely keep myself alive, no one should ever trust me to keep other people from dying.

  6. Blech! I don't get how people can do those jobs! My friend is a gynecologist, and just for added grossness to your post, she has told me about some nasty nasty things she has seen. Imagine a very overweight woman that doens't wash well and has a rash. Horrific, right?

  7. Since firing my doc, I actually don't feel they are all in it to save ya! Oh no, they will take you out if they can or that's how I feel about mine. If you love doctors now, oh just wait for a few more years when they can really dig into ya! You go in for an ingrown toenail and leave with antidepressants!

  8. I went to a podiatrist who prescribed something that made me break out in a rash that made me wish I could find a Leprologist. Once he took out this huge ass metal file and scraped a callous off my heel. Does that make him a pedofile? I asked him why he went into working with feet all day (particularly old people's feet. Have you ever noticed how many old people are in those places with buyons - what I had - and planter's warts and god knows what else?) He said his father was a pediatrist, so it was easy to get his foot in the door.

    Ba da bum!

  9. It's "Merry", Kevin, as in Meriadoc...I can't even look at you now....