Wednesday, April 3, 2013

A to Z Challenge: Candy

Hey, the A to Z Challenge is going rather well, but then again I'm only three days into it so what do I know?  Today is the letter C, which happens to be the third letter of the alphabet, funny how that works.

Chewbacca starts with C.
With Easter or Zombie Jesus Day behind us, most parents are riddled with baskets full of candy.  If the parents are smart enough, they will buy candy that they like, screw the kids right?  In our domicile we usually end up with Easter candy until Halloween and Halloween candy until Easter, it's a vicious cycle so instead of a whole metric assload of candy, the Minions get toys that they will play with for about a week and then shove in the corner of their bedrooms.

I remember growing up and getting my Easter basket filled with candy.  My Mom was one of the parents who got candy that I liked.  I remember getting Whatchamacallits, Twix and good jelly beans but hearing horror stories from my friends about what they got.....

Circus Peanuts in the shapes of Duckies and Bunnies.  Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy packing peanuts?  How are they made?  What material are they made from?  I tried a Circus Peanut once and I couldn't choke it down, it was like trying to swallow a cotton ball and we all know how I hate cotton balls...they SQUEAK!  I would imagine that if you put one in a bowl of water it would expand like those dinosaur capsules and taste the same.

Candy Corn (colored in pastel colors).  First, you shouldn't call a candy the same a vegetable.  Second, who the fuck thought this would taste good?  I think they took the Candy Corn from Halloween (which no one eats anyway) bleaches it and then re-dyes it for Easter.  If you like Candy Corn there's something not right with you.

Cadbury Creme Eggs.  Let's mold an egg out of chocolate and fill it with a gooey, sugary, concoction.  These things look like they replaced a chicken egg with a turd and filled it with a substance that resembles ejaculation.  Sounds scrumptious huh?  Go ahead and bite into one of these turd balls and look at it.  How did they get the yellow in the white?  And why?

Last but not least....

Black Jelly Beans.  No, no, fucking no!  The only people that eat black jelly beans are women over 70.  They turn your tongue black, stain your teeth and taste like the inside of a wombat's ass after it was deflowered by a horny skunk.  What brainiac concocted this wonderous tidbit of nasty-assness?  The only thing that could make the black jelly bean worse is to put it inside of a Cadbury Creme Egg.  That would be like a turducken except it would be called the what-the-fucken.

Oh and a carry over from last post, did I mention I'm a published author now?  You can download the book HERE and laugh your ass off...unless of course you don't have an ass, but that would just be awkward and how do you drop a stink pickle?  Anyway, in the next few days I will be coming up with a contest, trivia game or something because they gave me five downloads of the book to give away to my readers!  Yeah, boi!  So stay tuned....

28 comments:

  1. I'll never be able to eat a Cadbury Easter Egg after reading that :(

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  2. I laughed so hard reading this post. I adore cadburry eggs, though. I don't know why. When you think about it, they are rather disgusting. lol.

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  3. We started making cookies yesterday with the leftover Christmas m&m's. We have every holiday since Halloween accounted for in candy form, and I am afraid of what my husband will purchase this week in the name of super awesome clearance prices!

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    1. Yup, we do M & M pancakes with Christmas ones...I'm right there with you!

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  4. I didn't know they had Easter candy corn. That stuff is nasty. And the circus peanuts should be outlawed, they're so gnarly. Never liked the Cadbury creme eggs, but they make them now filled with chocolate mousse and those are heaven.

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  5. I love Whatchamacallit and Twix! They're my second- and third-favorite candies. Number one... Cadbury Eggs. Sorry.

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    1. Don't be sorry, I'm not the one eating them lol

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  6. They make circus peanuts in shapes other than turd? I had no idea!

    I love being the one in charge of getting Easter candy. None of the above happen! Those half-pound Reese's eggs? check. Robin's Eggs? check. pastel M&Ms? check. Jelly Belly's? check. Assorted bunnies? check - hubby likes the solid Snicker's one. Mine is Dove chocolate & the girl gets one of those that is mainly ears. Everyone is happy!

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  7. I quite like Cadbury creme eggs. *she whispers in shame, before exiting* :)

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    1. Everyone is entitled to their guilty pleasures....

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  8. I love crème eggs and black jelly beans! *stamps feet. *shakes fist!

    I went over board this yea with my kids, aged 19 and 14. They appreciated it, my husband thinks I'm a nut.

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    1. Stop the presses! I found the one person in the world that likes black jelly beans! Unless you're over 70, then never mind.

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  9. Just a tip: if you freeze the Cadbury Creme Eggs, they are less...you know. LOL Great post. Happy A to Z-ing!
    Blogging on the Brink.

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  10. Cadbury Eggs are only acceptable if they are the caramel version. And my 71-year old father loves "black bird eggs" - as he calls black jelly beans.

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  11. Congrats on the book! I used to like Cadbury Eggs, but now they're disgusting, however black jellybeans have always been and will always be shudder inducing. My grandpa loved them though.

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  12. I am right there with you on black jelly beans- belch!

    (Stopping by from the A to Z Challenge)

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  13. Oh, shoot, I suspected there was something wrong with me, and now it seems to be true...I confess I love candy corn. Although I'm not sure I would like the pastel ones...it's supposed to be orange and yellow. I feel strongly about this.

    And, I have a second confession. I love Cadbury Creme Eggs! But now that you mentioned the resemblance to ejaculation, I am not sure I am going to be able to eat one of those again. Dang it.

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  14. Well, there's goes the Cadbury eggs. I will never be able to look that egg in the face now. Innocence is lost, sniff, sniff.

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  15. Mmmmm chicken egg resembling turn with gooey sugary ejaculate. Sooooo delicious. You will not deter me from enjoying them.

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  16. I always wanted Creme Eggs as a kid, but never got them. Stupid hard candy eggs that my parents would give me because they were supposedly healthier.

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  17. Hey now, I love black jellybeans and I'm not even close to 70! That is a smart move though, filling the baskets with candy you like. I've made the mistake of buying yucky, yet cute, candy that just ends up getting thrown away.

    Have fun with the a-z challenge.

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  18. I love your descriptions of the candy - had me laughing myself silly!

    A-Z Challenge.

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  19. I didn't eat that much bad stuff over Easter, but still I ate too much!

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  20. black jelly beans are NOT candy! ewwww

    A to Z Ninja Minion
    http://baygirl32.blogspot.com

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