If you are a guy reading this, or even if you are a girl reading this, don't deny it. Everyone has done it at some point. Search your feelings, you know it to be true. You've checked out someone who you shouldn't have checked out. Not because you feel like you can't look at other people for fear of offending your significant other but for another reason...and I'm not talking about the "Wow, check out that chick walking the little yippy dog down the street, that is an amazing aaaaaaaaaa...shit it's a dude."
You're driving down the street and you see this....
And then you look back in the rear view mirror and see this....
Oops, sorry got off track a bit didn't I? You've checked out someone you shouldn't have...why? Because she was WAY too young. Any guy 21 and older has done it, you are driving down the road and you see off in the distance a group of what appear to be extremely attractive women. You are checking them out and then BAM, you get close enough and realize they are 16 years old. You feel like some sort of weird, creepy ice cream guy, trolling the neighborhoods but it is not your fault. It's...not...your...fault.
A friend's brother used a rule for dating girls when we were younger. The Rule of Half Your Age Plus Seven. That was the rule and for the most part it works (there are certain creepiness levels with some ages). But times have changed and now girls are developing younger, which makes me happy my Minions are boys.
Some people blame the clothing, citing that the clothes nowadays are too provocative. The shorts are too short, the shirts are too tight and too low cut and for shit's sake don't wear pants or shorts with words on the ass if you don't want to draw attention to your gluteus maximus. The make up is too slutty, the jewelery too stripper-ish and of course they shouldn't be wearing thongs until they are old enough to drink legally. All of this is true, but who is to blame? The clothing manufacturers? The TV commercials? Nope, blame the parents. They control what their precious little princess wears up until she gets a job because let's face it, unless she is stealing or robbing a bank how else does she get the fundage to buy the clothes she wears or are the parents buying the JUICY shorts for her to wear? Did they name her after a car as well?
Featuring Porsche on stage 1 and Mercedes on stage 2! |
I fully agree that the cows had a hand in this... |
Chicken, chicken and more chicken. |
Porn for fat people.... |
So, you can blame the clothes, blame the parents or blame society what it boils down to is blame the chickens. The Chicken Theory carries over to home now too. More and more people are eating chicken instead of beef or pork...think about it the next time you accidentally check out a girl that is young enough to be your daughter, shake your head, clear the image and blame The Chicken Theory.
This is my entry for the fourth installment of Dude Write, do yourself a favor and click the box below, read the blogs and vote for your favorite three, with mine being in the three of course!
Click Me! Vote For Me! I'm Needy! |
Wow, that's some major Baywatch chicken there. I think I'll go with the beef until that image has left me...good theory though. I think you've just about got us figured out!
ReplyDeleteI don't have you guys figured out...at all..that is hy I blog, to try to figure you out.
DeleteSimilar, but different than my milk theory. Hormones to get more milk, then comes bigger udders, kids drink the milk. Voila. I have way too much time on my hands, and now it looks like you do too. Good luck to you, sir.
ReplyDeleteThanks and good theory there too, very valid! I actual don't have too much time on my hands, my brain just keeps running....
DeleteI honestly believe your theory. Another theory is to watch what parts of the chicken guys eat and the ladies will know whether their guy is a breast, leg or thigh guy. :) Great posting for the dude write also.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm....interesting....I consider myself a boob guy, but I will grab a leg before the breast, of a chicken that is.
Deletewhat about wings?
DeleteThat's the breast explanation I've heard! Honestly, I have to agree. I see some of the teenagers at the beach in their little tiny bikinis, and think to myself, "The Little Itty Bitty Titty Committee must be in need of some members!" As the mother of two girls, I don't like it - not one bit! As a former teenager, and also past Vice President of the Little Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I hate it even more!!!
ReplyDeleteYup, younger and younger.....
DeleteI really think you are on to something here! All these developed young girls make me feel like a perv! But as you said....it's not my fault!
ReplyDeleteIt's....not...your...fault...Dan.
DeleteIt seems to me the problems with teen pregnancy began soon after sex education was taught in schools. Ignorance made the whole sex thing mysterious and girls were a lot less inclined to experiment (or give in to boys).
ReplyDeleteLet's go back 40 or 50 years to when sex was a dirty word, a significant percentage of kids obviously can't cope with that kind of knowledge.
I'm glad we have something to blame other than our own creepy selves.
ReplyDeleteExactly!
DeleteI'd be willing to bet scientific research would back up your chicken theory. As a mother of a teenage girl, I was just thinking I'd have to start serving a lot more beef and a lot less chicken until Mr. Bird above ruined that thought for me by his whole milk and big utters theory. Too bad I'm such a hog and couldn't stand the diet, or I'd switch my family to a vegetarian diet...wait...hog...I think I'm onto something. The Pork Diet.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, even though we can now blame the chicken and beef farmers for the early development of our young girls, guys are still pervs! It's in your jeans ;-)
Go grass-fed, free-range, antibiotic free and stay off the milk. It doesn't do you any good after age 5 anyway.
DeleteGrats on your Dude Write win!
DeleteI think your theory is correct, Kevin. When I lived in Bremerton, WA, the women were renown for their, oh let's be polite and just say girth. They were affectionately called Bremalos. Guess what they ate up there? I say, let them eat chicken.
ReplyDeleteYeah in that care chicken is the better alternative.
DeleteYou have a point with your theory. I've been eating eating weiners, lots and lots of weiners. Still nothing. But those are made from lips and assholes so there may be a flaw in my plan because sadly...no improvement.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap! Best comment I've seen in a long time!
DeleteHow can I follow Ken's comment?
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about the development part, but the Internet, video games, movies, etc all push the limits of acceptable behavior. Kids are exposed to more at earlier and earlier ages.
Now get off my lawn before I run over you with my ice cream truck.
WG
I agree, everything seems to be getting exposure to kids at a younger age.
DeleteFirst, I respected you for how funny of a concept the "Chicken Theory" is.
ReplyDeleteBut the more I think about it, I respect you for the fact that it is actually a sound argument.