Friday, June 29, 2012

More Power!

Well seeing this is my post for Dude Write and Dude Write is a men blogging place, what better subject than testosterone?

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor
I should preface this with some of my TV watching habits.  I really don't watch much TV compared to other people but when I do, I do it with style!  I am the typical "quick draw" remote control guy where watching TV means channel surfing, I will stop on something for about thirty seconds and if it doesn't pique my curiosity in that allowed time frame I move on.  Most of the time I can find something that I would consider interesting.  We have Comcast, or Xfinity if you're hip, and we have hundreds of channels.  I limit myself to strictly the HD stations.  Why?  Because we have a nice HD TV and why watch something that isn't in HD?

The Trophy and myself were watching TV the other night, it was one of those extremely rare weeks where we didn't have anything to do at all after 7 PM.  Surprisingly we were watching CNBC and only because it had a documentary on George Lucas.  This one commercial kept playing at every break and finally caught my attention.  It was a pharmaceutical informercial.  I have a weakness for these "super drug" infomercials because I LOVE hearing what the side effects may be and what complications might happen if you take this drug...remember always consult your doctor.

This guy was NOT in the infomercial.
The drug is called AndroGel 1.62% and it is a testosterone medication.  The first time I watched it I soaked in the "men" who needed more testosterone in their lives.  It cracked me up because they are doing things I never have or will ever have the chance to do like hang gliding, hiking the Rockies, wrestling alligators and having sex with Bigfoot.  From the activities I saw them doing, I don't think they needed anymore testosterone.  Of course these infomercials leave you pondering if you need this wonder drug.

The second time I saw the infomercial, I blocked the testosterone lacking men out and listened to my favorite part of the infomercials....the side effects and complications.  What I heard had me speechless and dumbfounded.  I was used to the usual side effects like projectile diarrhea, coughing uncontrollably, anal leakage, uneven tire wear, four hour erections, flaming pubic hair and spontaneous eruption into song. AndroGel 1.62% had different ones, but let's start at the beginning, shall we?
Just don't use this shit....

AndroGel (testosterone gel) 1.62% is a prescription medication used to treat adult males who have low or no testosterone.  It is not known if AndroGel 1.62% is safe of effective in children younger than 18 years old.  I didn't realize there was an issue of having no testosterone, most women complain there is too much!

WARNING

  • Apply AndroGel 1.62% to your upper arms and shoulders that would be covered by a short sleeve t-shirt.  DO NOT apply to any other part of your body such as your stomach area (abdomen), penis or scrotum.  What if you wear long sleeve shirts or tank tops, you can't use this?  And what guy has ever looked at a prescription medication and thought, "Hmmm, I wonder what that would feel like on my dick and ball sack?"  Actually, I take that back, I'm sure someone has....

  • Stop using AndroGel 1.62% and call your health care provider if you see any signs of puberty in a child, changes in body hair or increased acne in women that may have occurred through accidental exposure.  You're screwed if your kids are hitting puberty, look like Sasquatch or your wife has a pizza pie face.  How can you tell if there was accidental exposure?  And accidental exposure?  Is it like the gamma rays Bruce Banner came in contact with?

  • Wash your hands with soap and water IMMEDIATELY after using AndroGel 1.62% and avoid touching anyone or anything.  Well now that is a predicament isn't it, no touching anything for the rest of your lives, especially your hog and nuts.

DO NOT USE IF:

  • You have breast cancer or may have prostate cancer.  Prostate cancer I can understand, but breast cancer?  Can guys get breast cancer?  Does that mean we get May AND June for awareness months?

  • You are pregnant, might become pregnant or are breast feeding.  Ummmm, can you lactate from moobs?  And if you might become pregnant, chances are you have estrogen flowing through your body.


BEFORE USING TELL YOUR HEALTH CARE PROVIDER:

All of the above plus...

  • Have an enlarged prostate.  Have your doctor give you the finger!

  • Have heart, kidney or liver problems.  If you have these problems, low testosterone is the least of your concerns.

  • Have problems breathing when you sleep (sleep apnea).  Did you know you are dying each time you stop breathing while sleeping?  Either loose weight fatass or go get yourself one of those Darth Vader breathing masks.

  • Have any other medical conditions.  Well now, they narrow that down don't they?
 And my favorite part of the informercials....

ANDROGEL 1.62% CAN CAUSE SERIOUS SIDE EFFECTS, INCLUDING:

  • Enlarging of your prostate.  Man, they harp about the prostate don't they?  Go get the finger dude!

  • Increased risk of prostate cancer.  Again with the prostate...but now I can get cancer from AndroGel?  Fuck that!

  • May lower your sperm count.  Well, maybe this isn't so bad...it would reduce my risk of having anymore Minions.

  • Swelling of your ankles, feet or body, with or without heart failure.  This may cause serious problems for people who have heart, kidney or liver disease.  If you swell up like and engorged pufferfish, you should probably contact your doctor or the local aquarium.  With or without heart failure?  There's a 50/50 chance you could die.  And again, if you have those three diseases, I think low testosterone is the least of your concerns

  • Enlarged or painful breasts.  I was wondering why my man boobs jumped from an A to a B cup and shit they hurt something fierce!

  • Mood swings.  And finally, this product could turn you into a female, despite being testosterone.
So what did we learn today kids?  Don't order any prescription from the TV, go to your regular doctor and tell him or her what is wrong, chances are they can figure it out without exposing you to test gamma rays.  You guinea pig.

Aside from this public service announcement, I want to remind everyone to hop on over to Dude Write, read the blogs and vote for your favorite three, of course mine being one of your favorite three.



Dude Write
Vote Vote Vote!

36 comments:

  1. Love the posting. I too know the nightmares of some scary infomercials. Like the one for a new diet drug and they say, "In a blind study only 2 jumped off a roof" WTH does that mean?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would not take any drug that might cause me to have any side effect worse than the ailment that I was considering taking the drug for.

      Delete
  2. Holy Manboobs, Batman! That's some scary shit! My favorite informercial side effect has always been loose stools and the inability to control them. Ah...good times. You say to yourself "I feel SO much better, but why aren't my friends calling? And why are the walls brown?" Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loose stools...worst thing ever...thank the maker for black jeans being in style in the late 90's

      Delete
  3. Actually, men do get breast cancer. Rare that it happens, but true nonetheless.

    I just love how these commercials spend about 2 seconds about the product and the other 58 seconds is spent talking about all the risks and side effects!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I was informed of breast cancer in men, it sucks and I really do not poke fun at cancer...

      One of my favorite aspects of these commercials, espcially the VD ones, is how the people are always doing something exciting, well hell, if I get to travel to China and explore the Great Wall, I want herpes too!

      Delete
  4. I too am always fascinated by the side effects of drugs particularly when the side effect is worse than what you are curing, worse yet, the drug has potential to cause the very symptom being cured. I bring you most diarrhea medicines,

    Anyway, fun post and well put together.
    WG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, the side effects always get me.

      Delete
  5. I forget where I heard it, but if a medication causes anal leakage in not a SIDE effect, it's an EFFECT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be wisdom from Robin Williams there. :) "That's more of an affect, really. If my ass is going *takes a water bottle and gets the water all over the floor* -- bad day!"

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    2. You are correct, that is a serious EFFECT.

      Delete
  6. "Warning, the side effects of this medication pretty much negate the benefits of taking it." Those are always fun. And I have one of those Darth Vader masks, attached to the wall tho, not my chest. It just seems funny that increased Testosterone would make Apnea even worse. Damn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, don't get more power then!

      Delete
  7. Man boobs and an enlarged prostrate? Sounds like fun.

    Why not just chop firewood and eat steak for breakfast like my pappy did??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sounds like the makings of a first class Saturday night!

      Delete
  8. The side effects of these medication are ridiculous! What gets me is they say, "Ask your doctor if XYZ is for you." If I have to tell my doctor about some medication I saw on late-night television on channel 347, I think it might be time to seek a new doctor.

    Those commercials need to be outlawed IMO.

    Nice post!

    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 100% agree, if my doctor doesn't know about something....I'm probably not going to want to take it.

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  9. Hoping my Internet holds out for a little while today so that I can vote.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awesome thanks! How are things going down there? Still a rough time?

      Delete
  10. Hmm, it seems this drug is a speedy and cheap alternative to sex change operations (should you abuse it correctly, that is).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never thought of it that way....hmmm, I wonder if that is what happened to some of the people I ran into today?

      Delete
  11. Phew, thank you for this post. I had really been looking to increase the size of my breasts and wasn't sure how to do so, while still maintaining a high level of testosterone.

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  12. Oh I love it. How the hell do you end up with symptoms of being exposed to estrogen when you're topically applying testosterone??? I don't know if I'd sacrifice growing moobs just to have a little more man juice in my system. But hey, I'm not a man, so I'll leave you guys to it.

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  23. You forgot about "call your Dr. if you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours". No, wait, that's another MAN commercial - that's for, let's see, Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, and oysters. And, that's if you aren't slappin' on Androgel. Now, if you be old, like me (57), Androgel is good stuff. It basically just keeps the testosterone levels within normal range - 300-1300 on the xyz scale is normal. In fact, low T can cause a LOT of problems over time - loss of just about everything, including libido which is the least of the problems. Stuff like dementia, heart disease, lowered immune system, and some nasty stuff is possible with Low T. And, Depression. Now you know why those older men are sometimes "Grouchy" old men.
    The Androgel, Testim (generic), and now Axiron are the exact equivalent of hormonal therapy for women. This is Nature's way of slowing down the male as we age. And, tho the side effects sound bad, the problems associated with Low T are now being discovered and 'avoiding premature death" would be the main reason to have a script for Androgel. Chronic pain & Low T have, over time, a permanent effect on the brain, not enough dopamine and, as a result, you feel crappy forever. I have to take PK's for a very rare foot ailment (no cause, no cure), and, again over time, these meds lower your Test, so Androgel ups the T count. Any NSAID's and pain-killers lower Test, so I'd rather feel good, stave off dementia-depression (which can also come from chronic, untreated pain) and live a normal life. Now, I haven't had the urge to parachute off buildings, wrestle Bigfoot, set myself on fire, tight-rope over the Grand Canyon, or run with scissors - sometimes I DO feel the urge to drive over the speed limit. So, if you are fairly healthy, but have low T (simple blood test to determine) this med is pretty safe. Some guys opt for seeing the Endocrinologist and getting shots. And, if you have a chronic pain issue (and take meds for that?) chances are you could develop low T, especially if you are older than, say, 40. So, after our early 20s, we men start losing T - yep, quickly! Add any other cause that lowers T, and you end up with almost zero Test. Depressed? Lack desire to be with naked women? Forget who you are? Yell at kids to GET OFF MY LAWN!? Could be Low T. I simply asked to be tested, said I felt like I had low T. Dr. (female) smirked, "Oh, really? Ok, let's see. Sure enough, was a quart low. Age+chronic pain untreated+treated for pain with Schedule meds = low T. Have to admit, those ads are funny - but, the Viagra cracks me up - A guy throwing a football thru a tire - AH, found it! *Wife smiles* That's why guys as old as Hugh Hefner can service three young beauties. He has a Viagra IV drip. So, these two meds have subliminal message commercials, but hey, whatever works. Now, about that 4 hour erection . . . the Dr. is the LAST person I would call. :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Imagine having a profitable "medication" but not having enough patients... what to do? Invent a disease... maybe call it "Low T" which had the term been around in the past, would have been called "normal male aging." Marketing "cures" for aging are older than snake oil salesman but the profits are much greater.... billions... great money... that is, if one ignores the increased numbers of heart attacks and strokes that accompany adding testosterone to men who do not really need it... and that is why there are many lawsuits in the works on this very matter.

    - Paul

    Paul J. Molinaro, M.D., J.D.
    Attorney at Law, Physician
    Fransen & Molinaro, LLP
    4160 Temescal Canyon Road, Suite 306
    Corona, CA 92833
    (951)520-9684
    www.fransenandmolinaro.com / www.888MDJDLAW.com

    "When you need a lawyer, call the Doctor... Call Paul J. Molinaro, M.D., J.D... Call (888)MDJDLAW."

    * This post and all others I make on Internet are for informational purposes only. None of the information or materials I post are legal advice. Nothing I post as comments, answers, or other communications should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing of this information does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship. While I try to be accurate, I do not guarantee accuracy.
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    ReplyDelete
  25. My husband is 43 years old and works out 5 times a week. About 3 months ago, it was like somebody turned off a switch in his body, no real desire for sex but after a lot of foreplay able to somewhat achieve an erection but not really hard. Went to Dr and he had a testosterone of 188. The Dr recommeded starting the Dr max Powers Testosterone Boost supplements on a regular basis. About 4 hours after first dose, he was able to achieve an erection and was able to perform 3 times that day. Not sure of effects at gym yet due to its only his 5th day.

    ReplyDelete