Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Tuesday, The New Monday

I had to look at my calendar several times this morning to make sure it wasn't Monday.

Yes you idiot, we will conquer the world!
Each day of the week seems to have its own comic book persona, Monday is like an Evil Genius, starting the work week, plotting your demise, Tuesday is the Evil Genius's bumbling assistant, not quite as bad as the Evil Genius, but tries to impress Monday by making things a little bit worse.  Wednesday and Thursday are like the sidekicks to the "important" superheros, working for good and giving you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel, yet no one really cares about them.  Friday is the first responder of the the "important" superheros, much like Flash, first on the scene but not quite able to quell the Legion of Doom.  Saturday is the real super hero, much like Superman or Captain America, arriving just in the nick of time to save the day and Sunday is the super hero's alter ego, waiting for Monday to start it's shit all over again.

This week it seems that Monday sent his bumbling assistant in first and then reared his ugly head today.  Yesterday was a pretty decent day, no major malfunctions, things went smoothly and the Minions were not complete animals.  Yesterday ended good and it was productive, so silly me thought that the rest of the week would be easy peasy.  I...was...wrong.

I woke up this morning, like I do every morning, except that I am still recouping from last weekend helping run the reunion.  Even the Trophy woke up early to exercise and decided to crawl back in bed until my alarm went off.  Most of the events that happened in the 45 minutes were fairly normal, for us anyway, but there were two conversations that we had this morning that made us know today was in fact Monday in disguise.

I didn't pee....
The Trophy's conversation with #2 was the first to arrive....

"Why are you sitting in the bathroom naked?"

"I don't know."  (The Trophy's eye started to twitch)

"Did you have an accident last night?  Your blanket was in the big bathroom."

"No..."

"#2....don't lie to me, you're sitting here naked and I know you woke up in the middle of the night."

"I'm not lying, I didn't have an accident...this morning."  (Ah ha, "...this morning.")

"What do you mean this morning?"

"When I woke up."  (Thank you Captain Obvious)

"Did you pee the bed last night, I'm going to check."

"No! I remember now, I did have an accident in my bed." (Now it's like CSI, when they interrogate the criminal)

"Get up here and change your sheets, put them in the laundry and know that I am very upset that you lied to me!  Do you like sleeping in your own urine?"

"It was warm...."

Yeah so, there was the start of the Trophy's day, during all of this, the Minion's Minions arrived for the day so now #2 is embarrassed.  Then there was my conversation with #3, or I should say game of charades with #3.  Let me paint the scene for you, #3 did his normal knock, knock, knock on his bedroom door and I let him out, the Trophy took him in the bathroom, where she found #2 naked.  Her attention was diverted to #2 so I took over the #3 duties.  He decided that he wanted Cookie Crisp (yes we are THOSE parents who let their kids eat sugary cereal, so sue us) for breakfast.  So a bowl was filled with cereal and milk and served to #3.

A kid of few words...

(#3 pouting and crying)

"What's wrong dude?"

"Ugh!" (At this point in his life he can talk and communicate but this morning he has decided to grunt and point)

"What are you pointing at?"

(#3 still pointing at his cereal and grunting)

"What's wrong with your cereal, that's what you asked for!"

(#3 starts crying now)

"Seriously?  You need to tell me what is wrong with your cereal!)

"Look" (Whoa, he spoke!)

"What, it's Cookie Crisp, they look like miniature chocolate chip cookies!  Milk and chocolate chip cookies go hand in hand!"

(Still pointing at the cereal, but this time touching one of the cookie wafers)

"There's something wrong with that piece of cereal?"  (It's like communicating with Lassie, so I pick the piece of cereal up)

(#3 nods, at last we have the source of his frustration)

"Well, um, it looks like Cookie Crisp, except there aren't any chocolate spots on the piece."

"Yes!  Not cookie!"  (He spoke again, holy shit knockers)

"You mean to tell me, you freaked out for ten minutes because this one piece of cereal didn't look like a chocolate chip cookie?"

"Yup."

"Well we can solve that problem..." (I ate the piece of cereal so he didn't have to suffer choking down an inferior piece of Cookie Crisp)

"Dad!  Waaaaaahhhhaaaaaaa!"  (Cue the crying again)

At this point I decided ti was time for me to leave for work.  On this mutant of a day I felt I would be safer at work than if I stayed a second longer with the Minions....I hope the Trophy survived alright.

Yes, yes I do have a case of the Mondays....

17 comments:

  1. Excuse me Kevin, but #3 is correct. A chocolate chip cookie without any chocolate chips is a serious quality control issue that should be reported to General Mills. Civilization is at stake here.

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    1. But, like I argued with #3, they're not real cookies....are they?

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  2. It's reads like this that make me grateful that mine are getting older and make me want to duct tape them to the inside of their closet door even less. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. It's been pretty quiet in the domicile lately so I haven't had much Minion fodder...

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  3. Ah yes! The finer pleasures of being a dad! Isn't it great? My favorite is when one kid wants such and such cereal for breakfast and the other kid decides on a different kind of cereal and then the first kid starts crying into his cereal because he now wants the same kind as the other kid. AHHHHH!

    All out war breaks out when there is only 1 pop tart left!

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    1. Holy shit you are dead on Dan! It happens almost on a daily basis in our house and for the Pop Tarts, only one of the Minions likes them so we are safe.

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  4. "...like communicating with Lassie..." hahahahaha - love that. Yeah, my favorite is when one kid is pissed because the other one is eating, say, the Cocoa Puffs, but it's HIS box of cereal and how DARE his brother eat HIS cereal. Kiddo, it's a jumbo size that could feed a small village - relax. And oh man, how I hear you about the potty issues. oy yoy yoy yoy!

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    1. Cocoa Puffs? We buy the generic store brand in a bag called Puffs of Chocolate...or something like that.

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  5. I would have removed all the chocolate from every piece of cereal and said "NOW EAT IT!!"

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    1. Ohhhh, I like your way of thinking :-)

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  6. You have my sympathies. I've yet to have minions of my own and, considering stories like these couple with my own neuroses which would undoubtedly be passed on to any offspring I may help to create, I'm not sure I want to!

    Just kidding. I still want to. Am I a sucker?

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    1. You have it written all over you...

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  7. What's wrong with grunting and pointing on a Monday morning?

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  8. yeah, I don't put up with those grunting "conversations" anymore. I give them 2 chances to use their words, then I walk away. God love you for sticking it out.

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  9. My little guy points and grunts too. He's awfully fond of the grunting. I'm awfully tired of it! I'm just like "put-leeze use some words, little dude!"

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