Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Shave Up Or Ship Out

I shave in the shower.  My face that is.  I also watch TV.  Whilst watching TV a commercial caught my attention, a shaving commercial.  As I watched this commercial I thought back to shaving yesterday morning and how inferior my razor is.  It seems that razors have become technological terrors.

I pondered back to the day I started shaving, well attempting to start shaving.  The only razors I had readily available to me were the BIC disposable ones that my Dad used.  This worked fine because I never got any real facial hair until I was 21.

I have had the same razor for years now, a Gillette Mach 3, I just change the blades every 3-4 months (still can't grow any substantial facial hair) it has 3 blades on it and some sort of blue strip that tells me when to change and that's it, I don't even think about my razor...well I didn't until now.

 This particular commercial was for a razor that had something like 5 blades, some gel packets on it and it vibrated...yes vibrated.  I thought, "Huh, would you look at that, I can shave and then loan it out to lonely women to pleasure themselves."

I did a little research about razors these days and I was amazed at the types there are.  Holy shit!  I didn't think shaving was such a chore for guys.  There are waterproof electric savers, styling razors, razors with multiple functions...WTF?  a Swiss Army razor?  But...what I stumbled upon while researching razors blew my fucking mind....


Now I may not grow facial hair well at all, but I can grow body hair with the best of them, not once have I ever said "Hmmm, maybe I need to shave my chest to be more aerodynamic."  Oh, it gets better...


Now, I need to come clean on the back hair, I never shaved my back
Not me!  I'm not bald....
 but I did Nair it once (although I did not post it on Youtube...inside joke) before I went on a vacation to Cancun, I didn't want to look like Chewbacca's illegitimate love child.  Once there I realized I never have to worry about my back hair ever again...I can't believe some guys wear sweaters to the beach.

The last video you are about to witness is from Gillette as well...watch and wonder for a minute or so....

When there isn't any underbrush, the tree looks taller...what the hell does that help you with?  Just because you wee-wee looks longer, taller, bigger doesn't help you in the wrapper, you still perform the same, besides it must itch like a mo-fo after you do it!  Let me think for a seco...nope, I have no intention of taking an instrument that consists of multiple blades and attacking the most sensitive area on my body let alone attacking it with a vibrating instrument consisting of multiple blades.

Yes, I know I am doing a double standard, females groom down there all the time and we males prefer it, but again, it must itch like hell!

After much research and some fucked up grooming tips from Gillette, I think I will stick with my simple razor, unless they find a way to come up with this....


10 comments:

  1. have you considered using pliers to shave?

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    1. That that goes into a whole different realm...plucking. I have this one eyebrow hair that grows alarmingly fast and I need to pluck that fucker all the time...I guess you could call me a fucker plucker.

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  2. So the vibrating one...erm...when you're done with it, can you...um...send it to me...you know,for research purposes of course...

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    1. LMAO! Lily, my kinda girl! If I owned the vibrating model I would be more than happy to send it to you...strictly for research purposes of course. They seem to be expensive too or I would suggest going and purchasing one....oooorrrr, you could groom down there and take care of business at the same time!

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  3. If only some of the multiple functions were taking the kids to the park and sorting laundry...

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    1. For that you would need to build a robot, like MacGyver!

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  4. Oh too funny. Everytime you mention Gilette however all I can think about is going to work tomorrow (I work at Gillette Stadium) and that really sucks so can we talk about Bic please?

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    1. Ah Patriot Place? Sorry next time I do a shaving post I will make sure it is BIC lol

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  5. My wife read this and suggested you wax and then do a blog post about it. I'd suggest going one step further and youtubing it.

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