Part of the problem is that it's snuck up on me over the last 10 years. Now Kevin has never been anything close to being shy about his bodily functions. We had been dating less than two weeks when he first "blew up" my bathroom and has always been inordinately proud of his prowess at (of all things) farting. The joy he gets from gagging everyone within a five-mile radius is downright criminal!
Number three, not to be outdone, is heard exclaiming, "Mommy, I'm done!!", on an average of three times a day. Not wanting to redecorate the bathroom and bathe him an equal number of times in a day, this translate to, "Mommy, wipe my butt!!" The only upside to this is that he is at least potty trained. The diaper situation was out of control this time last year. He also seems to be on a mission to empty every can of Febreeze that I have stock-piled, trying to make up for what the others DON'T use.
"Alpha-Male, let's play lightsabers!"
"Ok, Boy Genius, just let me strategically place myself as close to Mommy as possible so she is the one to get hurt, urr I mean so she can see that I'm still the alpha-male."
"Cool! I'm going to keep attacking you even if you hurt me. I won't stop until you've got me crying."
"Only if you agree to follow Mommy anywhere she goes. This game is only fun if she can observe us and be within striking distance! Collateral damage adds an extra element of fun, don't you think?"
And so begins a sort of slow-motion game of tag. They beat on each other, all in "fun", while I go from room to room trying to escape from them. As stated by the "rules", they don't stop until someone is hurt and crying. This being a weekly occurrence, you would think that the Boy Genius would stop instigating and/or the Alpha-Male would learn his own strength, but sadly no. That apparently is not part of this particular male-bonding experience. The times that I've suggested this to them, they've both given me looks as if to say, "Mommy, you dear, sweet woman, what then would be the point of playing?" The odor that lingers after all hostilities have ceased smells like sweat and, dare I say it, testosterone.
As this game is, as I said, a regular occurrence AND as Minions 2 and 3 are seen to be participating from time to time, I can only expect this male-bonding experience to expand in the coming years to something bordering on open warfare. I can only imagine the cloud of testosterone that will mushroom over our once peaceful home as the minions mature into Alpha-Males in their own right.
So if you ever drive by our house in the middle of winter and all the doors and windows are open, don't be alarmed. It's only me, trying to air out the odors that are produced in my 80% male household. I ask only this; say a prayer for my sanity...and maybe send a can of Febreeze.