Friday, March 22, 2013

The Rubber Chicken Incident

This blog post is my entry into a special edition of Dude Write where we are asked to write a story with less than 1500 characters, so between 200-300 words.  Here is my story about the Rubber Chicken Incident. 

I was kicked out of the Holyoke Mall when I was a teenager.  I didn’t steal, I didn’t deface property and I didn’t even beat anyone up.  I bought a rubber chicken.

It wasn’t THAT I bought a rubber chicken; it’s how I USED the rubber chicken.  I wasn’t alone on this adventure either, I had two of my closest friends there with me.  Deraj and Nala also bought rubber chickens and Deraj thought it would be a great idea to drop said chickens from the third floor into the food court.

The plan was fantastic, Deraj went to the food court to catch the chickens and Nala and I headed topside to drop the chickens.  We were in place and felt like Jay and Silent Bob in Mallrats, I of course was Silent Bob.  We looked left and right, the coast was clear.

Bombs away!

The rubber chickens plummeted three stories into a dusty fake plant.  We never got a chance to high five however, the mall cops were on us.  They escorted us into their tiny mall cop office and sat us down.  They brought in exhibit A and B, AKA the rubber chickens.  When asked why we did it, we didn’t have an answer.  They took mug shots of us, issued us papers saying we were banned from the mall for 90 day and confiscated our chickens.

While being escorted out of the mall, we realized that Deraj got away scott free and was laughing at us when we got back to the car.  The moral is choke the chicken, don’t drop it.

Dude Write


  1. Ha, great one, especially the moral at the end!

  2. Getting banned from the mall is a rite of passage.

    At least you did it with style.

  3. lol, I see what you did there at the end. nicely played.

  4. I always laugh at Mall cops and the parking lot police. I know its a job, but you have zero authority really. I mean, my parents would NEVER have backed me on that stupidity, but some parents would and they'd sue and probably win. Was there a SIGN that said no dropping of rubber chickens?

    Very funny.

  5. HA! And did the mug shot include the chicken? WTF man! They confiscated your rubber chicken? That's just not right. What, did they think you were going off to commit more rubber chicken related offenses?

  6. Mall cops suck. Ya know, I'm not sure if choking the chicken in the mall is such a great idea either... you can get in BIG trouble for that (not that I would know... I've just "heard").

  7. Such rough justice. And for such a poultry offence - (sorry, couldn't resist).

  8. Those Paul Blarts need to get over it. What the hell else is one supposed to do with a rubber chicken than to use them as weapons in an aerial assault at a mall?

  9. This would have all been fine if you had just used real chickens.