Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Oympic Hunt


Growing up, back when the Winter and Summer Olympics were held in the same year, it was exciting.  We planned our TV schedule around those two ten day spans.  There was Olympic fever everywhere you went, red, white and blue everything.  It was fantastic, overwhelming and awe inspiring.

We had the Dream Team, not the Kobe "Rapist" Bryant and Lebron "I'm a Twat Waffle" James dream team but the REAL Dream Team, Jordan, Bird, Barkley, even Magic came out of retirement for this.  It was awesome.  But that was when I was young and now as an adult I have a different view on the Olympics.

I am not going to do like everyone else and write about the Women's Beach Volleyball, where all they have to do is pipe in the grunting from Women's Tennis and you have soft lesbian porn.  Although I do enjoy watching the attractive women slapping each other on the ass and constantly removing that pesky wedgie.


I am not going to write about how China breeds freaks of nature from infancy with no other plan than to win the gold medals in the Olympics and that the Chinese females look like teenage boys and how that if the Chinese Olympian fails and doesn't get a medal, they get sent home to face the firing squad.


 I am not going to write about how NBC fucks everything up by releasing the winners right before the event that they won a medal in.  "Coming up after the medal race, we talk to Chi Chi Jones about how she won her gold medal in the exact same race you are about to watch."

Nope, no sir, my question is simple though, how do they decide where to put the Olympic stadium, village and other buildings that need to be used for the Olympics?  I understand that different countries put bids in, in order to host the Olympics and more than likely it goes to a country that has money.  I get the fact that we will more than likely never see an Olympics in a country like Ecuador, but how do they figure out where to put these monstrosities they need for the Olympics?

What the hell are you going to do with this thing afterward?
Think about it, ever time the Olympics roll around they build a new stadium, look at the Bird's Nest over in China.  Who decides that we need these things, where does the money come from and why?  Can't they convert a football stadium for a couple of weeks?  Nope, they need to demolish some area of a city, which more than likely houses some people or even wildlife.  Can you imagine the letter you would get in the mail if you happen to live in the area that the Olympic Stadium is slated for?


If they are going to keep doing this, they should look at demolishing a Walmart or three or a few McDonald's franchises, (I would say Starbucks, but they are usually in a strip mall) there's plenty of them and you could have the workers work for the Olympics, selling things or serving food, it's a win win.

After they build the monstrosity and the Olympics are over, what do they do with it?  Do they sell it to a NFL team or an MLB team?  They should make it into affordable housing for the down trodden, that's what I think.  The Olympic village is really nothing more than a gigantic complex with hotel suites in it.  Rent them out to people who are less fortunate or give them back to the people they kicked out to build the barracks.

You know what would solve the problem?  Run the Olympics like Ringling Brothers and Barnimum Bailey's Circus.  You come into a town, you set up your Olympic buildings, have the Olympics and then break it down and store it for the next four years.  Simple, easy and cost efficient.  Think about it, that's all the Olympics are anyway, one big circus.


If they ran it like a circus they could cut costs and eliminate the need for erecting a big Bird's Nest in China.  They could just pick different parking lots (Walmarts or McDonald's) throughout whatever city they are occupying that year.  Make it more of an inconvenience to the Olympians and trainers than to the people who actually live in that city year round and make them commute to and from the pool or the water polo pool (don't the horses drown?)  They should map out the city and find the biggest parking lots to put the different buildings in and for the Maker's sake use a stadium that is already there, have it outside...it's SUMMER for shit's sake!


** I can honestly say I did not research before writing this, so if I'm wrong...whatever...

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22 comments:

  1. I'm guessing that you're not a big Dressage enthusiast.

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    1. Well...I had to look up what Dressage is....I think if someone took a medal in that, the horse should get it and not the rider....the horse does all the work.

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  2. What if it could be like the fake pyramid in Despicable Me and you could just pop it with a pin and deflate it at the end of the games?
    We watched some water polo yesterday and (disappointingly) no horses are involved.

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    1. Awesome Despicable Me reference!

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  3. Hmm ... there might actually be plenty of shut down Walmarts to demolish to use for that idea. And if it was McDonalds's, that would be hilarious as they're "the official restaurant of the Olympics".

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    1. I do find it funny that McDonald's is the official restaurant of the Olympics, you know none of the Olympians are eating it, except for that pot smoking one...

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  4. I can field this one. The Olympic stadium is already being auctioned off to the highest bidder. It looks likely that it will go to West Ham United for their new stadium. As for the rest of the complex, it will be redeveloped into new flats and businesses.

    That's much too boring though. They rejected my idea to create a giant sign that can be seen from space which reads "HELL YEAH! OLYMPICS BE HERE!"

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    1. West Ham? Is that a sports team? I am glad to hear that this time around the complex will be used for something good.

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  5. They should have the olympics on the moon. It would make events such as the high jump or pole vaulting much more interesting!

    "Johnny Jumper got off a good vault and I don't think he is going to come down from this one! Now let's take it back to air swimming, where Michael Phelps wins another gold medal."

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    1. This kind of fits into my post today about spending a bazillion dollars to send a rover to Mars...

      Air swimming..that would be cool.

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  6. Well to answer your question about the China Olympic stadium... nothing. They have done absolutely nothing. In fact, all of the extraordinary complexes and fields and stadiums they built for the 2008 Olympics are all in a dilapidated state. (good pics and article here: http://bit.ly/T6r9wS)

    Sad that all of that money goes to waste.

    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

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    1. It seems to be a trend, I did some research after posting this and there are a ton of ex-Olympic sites that are in ruins, including the one(s) in Greece...

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  7. I heard that the IOC has a war chest of a half billion dollars. Yikes!

    WG

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    1. Maybe they are the ones financing NASA...

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  8. I am not a fan of the Olympics. :( I know- sad huh? I agree on these billions of dollars wasted after the fan fare and glory have left town.

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    1. Nah, not sad. I'm not a fan either, I watched a few different events but that was it.

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  9. You make quite a few good points here. It would be great if they held these events in empty parking lots because then poorer countries would have a better chance to host these games, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Just paying for security for the athletes has to be a colossal burden.

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    1. I would love to see the games in a poorer country, I think it would be good.

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  10. I remember about 15 years ago, going to Switzerland and looking at all the old olympic venues from the Innsbruck games. NONE OF THEM WERE BEING USED, and some of them looked condemned.

    And people paid for those...

    I like your idea. Pitch a tent, have your games, then drive off into the sunset.

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    1. It's ridiculous all the money wasted...

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  11. I definitely agree that it sometimes seems excessive. But it IS the Olympics. Surely, they make tons of money.

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