A To Z Challenge: Olympics In Boston?

My second favorite slave girl.

Today is the letter O, again I was this close to reposting my O post from last year but the Trophy said no, no fucking no so I am stuck writing new material....did I mention I'm taking all of May off from writing?  No not really but it sounds like a good idea.

Anyway, I did a post about the Olympics a while ago you should go and read it, go on, I'll wait.  The other day I was listening to the radio morning show that I listen to every morning on my way to work and they mentioned that Boston threw their hat into the ring for hosting the Winter Olympics in 2026.  Sounds cool right?  Wrong!

You see there are several issues that come to mind when I think about having the Winter Olympics in Boston and not the obvious reason from yesterday.  First, Massachusetts is small, you can travel end to end in about four hours and Boston is relatively small for a city too, compared to other capital cities.  This means that the sports would have to be spread out throughout the state and beyond.  I mean you can hold hockey at the Garden but what about the biathlon?  You'd have to find some state park out in Western Mass but you'd have to eliminate the shooting aspect of it if it's held on Sunday or a holiday.  The space needed for the Olympics is massive and well Boston isn't.

The next issue you would run into is it's New England, we can't guarantee snow during the winter months.  Yes, we usually have snow but the past few years it has been scarce to say the least.  You wouldn't exactly be able to hold down hill skiing if it's 60 degrees out.  They are rolling the dice for a let down on that one.

Looks fun huh?

Of course there is the blatant elephant in the room...the traffic.  The traffic getting into Boston is a nightmare every day and starts about an hour away from the city.  I couldn't even imagine having to be stuck behind a bus full of athletes traveling from Olympic Village to Fenway.  Speaking of the Olympic Village....

What township are you going to level in order to construct the Village?  Will it be down on the Cape, wipe out Chatham or maybe Brookline?  If we had to vote for a location, wipe out Concord, they're bunch of dill munchers anyway.  Then the Olympic Stadium...where the hell are you going to put that thing?  You can't tear down Fenway, the Garden was just built and Gilette is monstrosity on it's own.

Can you imagine?

Anyway, basically bringing the Olympics to Boston would piss everyone off and they're already pissed off to begin with.

The Oympic Hunt

Growing up, back when the Winter and Summer Olympics were held in the same year, it was exciting.  We planned our TV schedule around those two ten day spans.  There was Olympic fever everywhere you went, red, white and blue everything.  It was fantastic, overwhelming and awe inspiring.

We had the Dream Team, not the Kobe "Rapist" Bryant and Lebron "I'm a Twat Waffle" James dream team but the REAL Dream Team, Jordan, Bird, Barkley, even Magic came out of retirement for this.  It was awesome.  But that was when I was young and now as an adult I have a different view on the Olympics.

I am not going to do like everyone else and write about the Women's Beach Volleyball, where all they have to do is pipe in the grunting from Women's Tennis and you have soft lesbian porn.  Although I do enjoy watching the attractive women slapping each other on the ass and constantly removing that pesky wedgie.

I am not going to write about how China breeds freaks of nature from infancy with no other plan than to win the gold medals in the Olympics and that the Chinese females look like teenage boys and how that if the Chinese Olympian fails and doesn't get a medal, they get sent home to face the firing squad.

 I am not going to write about how NBC fucks everything up by releasing the winners right before the event that they won a medal in.  "Coming up after the medal race, we talk to Chi Chi Jones about how she won her gold medal in the exact same race you are about to watch."

Nope, no sir, my question is simple though, how do they decide where to put the Olympic stadium, village and other buildings that need to be used for the Olympics?  I understand that different countries put bids in, in order to host the Olympics and more than likely it goes to a country that has money.  I get the fact that we will more than likely never see an Olympics in a country like Ecuador, but how do they figure out where to put these monstrosities they need for the Olympics?

What the hell are you going to do with this thing afterward?

Think about it, ever time the Olympics roll around they build a new stadium, look at the Bird's Nest over in China.  Who decides that we need these things, where does the money come from and why?  Can't they convert a football stadium for a couple of weeks?  Nope, they need to demolish some area of a city, which more than likely houses some people or even wildlife.  Can you imagine the letter you would get in the mail if you happen to live in the area that the Olympic Stadium is slated for?

If they are going to keep doing this, they should look at demolishing a Walmart or three or a few McDonald's franchises, (I would say Starbucks, but they are usually in a strip mall) there's plenty of them and you could have the workers work for the Olympics, selling things or serving food, it's a win win.

After they build the monstrosity and the Olympics are over, what do they do with it?  Do they sell it to a NFL team or an MLB team?  They should make it into affordable housing for the down trodden, that's what I think.  The Olympic village is really nothing more than a gigantic complex with hotel suites in it.  Rent them out to people who are less fortunate or give them back to the people they kicked out to build the barracks.

You know what would solve the problem?  Run the Olympics like Ringling Brothers and Barnimum Bailey's Circus.  You come into a town, you set up your Olympic buildings, have the Olympics and then break it down and store it for the next four years.  Simple, easy and cost efficient.  Think about it, that's all the Olympics are anyway, one big circus.


If they ran it like a circus they could cut costs and eliminate the need for erecting a big Bird's Nest in China.  They could just pick different parking lots (Walmarts or McDonald's) throughout whatever city they are occupying that year.  Make it more of an inconvenience to the Olympians and trainers than to the people who actually live in that city year round and make them commute to and from the pool or the water polo pool (don't the horses drown?)  They should map out the city and find the biggest parking lots to put the different buildings in and for the Maker's sake use a stadium that is already there, have it outside...it's SUMMER for shit's sake!


** I can honestly say I did not research before writing this, so if I'm wrong...whatever...

By the by, this is my weekly submission to the Dude Write Challenge.  Please, please, please make sure you head over and read ALL of the awesome blog posts, they are all worth a read!  Head back when voting opens and vote for your favorite three...make sure you use all three votes for a fair shake!

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