Friday, March 1, 2013

It All Started In The Kitchen

The Next Step

Maybe because it's February in New England, maybe it' because we have been buried under a three foot blanket of snow or maybe it's the fact that I need a vacation but things have been bugging the shit out of me a lot lately.  Take the other morning for example...

I woke up for work like I always do and did my morning ritual in the bathroom, you can read about it HERE.  After I got dressed I headed into the kitchen like I always do and it hit me, there are a ton things that I encounter on a regular basis in there that bug the ever living shit out of me and I'm not talking the normal dishes in the sink or the last drop in the ice tea container types of things either.

What the hell is with the white crusty shit that falls off the neck of the milk jug?  Does that crap drive anyone else nuts or just me?  We buy our milk in plastic gallons (we really should invest in a cow the way the Minions drink it) and every single one of them have this flaky, crusty white shit that builds up under the cap on the neck of the jug.  When you take the cap off the shit falls on the counter or into your cup.  While we're talking about crunchy crap...

I despise crunchy crap in my bread.  This has been a peeve of mine for years and don't get me wrong, I enjoy bread, in fact, I love bread but what I can't stand is when people put nuts and twigs and shit in it.  No, no, fucking no.  Leave the crunch to crust of the bread and keep the inside nice and soft.  It's like eating your eggs and finding an egg shell in them, it just sets me off. 

Why bother putting the asses on the bread?  No one eats them and they sit in your bread box until you have a science experiment with them.  There's two of them in each package too!  Everyone opens the bread, fondles the end piece like a cheap hooker and grabs the regular slices of bread and then when the superior slices are gone the last end sits in the plastic bag like an old person in a nursing home, everyone pretends not to see them and there it waits to die.

I have lots more to complain about but I wouldn't have anything left over for future blog posts!  Thanks to Lori for inviting me to the Pity Party!


  1. I fixed it! You're all linked up.

  2. I hate that flaky white stuff on the milk - I have a feeling it's actually dried up milk - which skeeves me out just a little.

    And I'm totally with you on the crunchy bread - I blame hippies and Whole Foods for that fad. I hope it dies off.

    As for bread ass - my Dad actually gave me a really good thought for not hating it - leave it in there while you eat the whole loaf because the fact that a whole side of it is "crust" helps keep the rest of the loaf fresh - it "seals" it in a way. Then when there is nothing left but two ends, you make grilled cheese out of it - because melted cheese can totally make up for bread butts.

  3. Milk crusties be nasty, yo. I use the bread buts to make bread crumbs or emergency dog breakfasts when we forget to pick up dog food... ;)

  4. I'm LLOLing over here at your nursing home analogy!

  5. Those end bits on the bread, are my favourite. Over here, we call them knobends, which has no bearing on why they are my favourite.

    Spawn however thinks that they have been specially forged in the ovens of Lucifer and should go back to hell from whence they came. :)

  6. Ah the white milk crusty! I hate it!

  7. HA!! I love this post! Bread is meant to be soft and almost gooey. And yes, the crusty stuff on the milk drives me nuts. As does how hard dried yogurt is to get off the table or floor.

  8. I like my food crunchy so I'm okay with crunchy bread. My kids are always "helping" me bake so I'm even used to eggshells. I even like my drinks crunchy (witness the blueberry smoothie in my hand which is anything but smooth)
    I'm ok with the ends of the bread but my husband has this habit of tearing off a section of a bread slice and then leaving the rest in the bag. What's up with that? I can't make my kids a sandwich with a ripped piece of bread. I think he should make the commitment and just eat the whole piece.
    That white crusty stuff on the milk cap is sorta gross now that I think about it. And of course now I will be thinking about it. Thanks a lot.