Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thank This...Part II

Here it is...Thanksgiving and unfortunately for me I blew my best Thanksgiving post last year, you can read about it HERE.  This year is different for us though, this is the first year in fourteen years that we will be by ourselves on Thanksgiving, just the five of us.  We've always had the New Yorkers up, my parents over or went over my parents'.  This is going to be different and probably kind of nice.

We are still having a great feast consisting of a turkey with dried bread shoved up its ass, can shaped cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, pies and more.  Just not as much as normal.  I can tell you the Trophy won't have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and we don't have to go all OCD on a meal, so that eliminates some stress.  Since we've had plenty of time before Thanksgiving, not having to plan and rush, I've been able to think about the upcoming holiday and thus present to you my Top 10 Things I've Learned From Thanksgiving.

10.  The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade is way better in the comfort of my own home.  I despise crowds, can't stand New York and clowns scare the living shit out of me.  What's the point of driving to a smelly city (and it does smell, the Trophy did her marathon down there and told me so), parking a million miles away, walking AND standing in the frigid cold just so you can hopefully see a giant ass balloon?  I can sit on my couch, in my bathrobe and slippers and see every single balloon Macy throws at me.  Hell, I can even DVR it and watch it later if I have something to do at whatever time it comes on.

9.  Thanksgiving is the perfect chubby person holiday.  No one scolds you or gives you the "holy shit you're eating an entire pizza" look.  Nope, everyone and I mean everyone gorges themselves on Thanksgiving and if you don't you're A. lying or B. a communist.  You can graze all day long and not feel guilty.

8.  There isn't a need for a time schedule.  Thanksgiving is one of the few holidays where you don't have to do anything at a certain time.  Unless you are one of those families who travel all over having three turkey dinners, if you are...why?  You don't have to get up at a certain time, you don't have to plan going to church (if you're into that sort of thing), you don't have to do anything if you don't want.  In most cases the only thing you plan around is the football game.  The food is done when it's done and people eat when they want to eat.

7.  You don't have to decorate.  Unlike Christmas and Halloween you don't have to feel the need to string lights up or are forced to carve a pumpkin.  There's no tree to trim and you don't have to hang your Thanksgiving cards around a door frame...because people don't have to give Thanksgiving card.  Maybe a nice card to the Native Americans thanking them for showing the Pilgrims how to forage for food when the winter sucked in New England and then saying sorry for wiping them out afterwards.

6.  Everyone can celebrate Thanksgiving.  It's a non-denominational holiday, in fact the Pilgrims left England because of religion being forced down their throats...or something like that.  It doesn't matter what religion you are you can give thanks for everything you have...unless your religion worships the turkey, then you're screwed.  Most people just give thanks at the beginning of the meal and dig in.  It's perfect.

5.  I don't have to work.  And that's a good thing.  On that note though, if you have to work on Thanksgiving, DON'T, stick it to man.  Especially if you work in retail.  There is no reason anyone should go shopping tomorrow whether for gifts or if they forgot something for the meal (it comes on the fourth Thursday of November for shit's sake!).  The only places I semi-agree with being open, for a short period of time, are places like McDonald's or Dunkin' Donuts AND those places only should be open until 11:00 AM at the latest.  Those places make sense because of travel and people needing their coffee.

4.  You are not limited to just family coming over.  Thanksgiving is a holiday where everyone can come over for a great meal.  Once again, unlike Christmas, where it's mostly family who come together, friends come together.  Like the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special teaches us, Thanksgiving is friends coming together and making the best of things.

3.  Lunch is made for a week.  Even if you have a small gathering like we are this year, there are always plenty of leftovers.  Leftover turkey, stuffing, potatoes, rolls, pie...oh my god, you can eat like a king for a week.

2.  There are no gift obligations.  Christmas, Valentine's Day, even New Years, you get a gift.  Getting a gift is not just getting a gift, it's an obligation.  Once you receive the gift you need to give a gift in return.  If it's Christmas or a holiday like Valentine's Day, you need to give a gift in return.  If it's your birthday or New Years, you have the obligation of giving a return gift on their birthday or house warming party.  It's a vicious cycle and Thanksgiving doesn't have any of that bullshit.

1.  Time is precious.  Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday for spending time with loved ones.  As mentioned above, there doesn't have to be any stress and you can spend it hanging around and spending time with your friends and family.  This year that's what we are going to do, just spend time with each other.  No electronics or distractions.  In fact we are going to have an early turkey dinner and weather pending, go out as a family and go Geocaching (if you don't know what Geocaching is, it's awesome go look it up).  Time is precious and it's one of the most valuable thing you can give anyone.

So Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!


  1. Hilarious posting Hope you and your family had a Blessed Thanksgiving!

  2. Actualy, the pilgrims left England so they could come to a new country and ram THEIR religion down everybody's throats here. (Don't get me started. Too late.) We took my oldest son to the Macy's parade once. It was awesome! Went the night before and watched 'em blow up the balloons at the Natural History museum. Walked right up to them. Sure, we froze our bits n' pieces off, but it was cool to see it and the hot chocolate was like the best melted chocolate bar. The worst part was seeing Josh Groban on a float and not having a bee bee gun on me. I was close enough to get that sucker. Right. between. they. eyes. Hope you, they Trophy and the minions had a splendiferous Turkey Day! Oh, and me? I go for the light side of the turkey. lol