Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thank This...

Yup, it's that time of year again, well actually it started back in October and I'm not going to go all "Holy shit, they are putting Christmas crap out on the shelves on Labor Day" on you, that's a given every year.  People need to get used to that and just stop...the...belly...aching.  Much like life after having kids, it happens and it's over.  What I am talking about is Thanksgiving.
Out of my least favorite holidays, Thanksgiving is my favorite.

***SPOILER ALERT*** I'm going to bring you down for a second...

This year is obviously going to be the worst.  For 34 years I have celebrated Thanksgiving with my parents, they have been a fixture every fourth Thursday of November either at their house or at our house.  Even last year we brought Thanksgiving Dinner to them in the rehab facility.  Now they are both gone and it's just not the same this year.  I'm sure I will get past this.

***END SPOILER ALERT***  Back to your regularly scheduled blog post...

It's amazing the amount of effort people put into Thanksgiving.  It's one day for shit's sake.  Personally I think the ideal Thanksgiving Day would be a nice quiet day where everyone gets a chance to relax, but nooooo, that's just not possible for 99.9% of the people in America.  You might be hosting like us this year...and every year the past five years.  Granted we do not have a ton of people over but we do have relatives come up on Wednesday and stay until Sunday.  It's a production in our house, the menu gets planned a month prior to the holiday and the shopping happens shortly there after, which brings me to my first point about Thanksgiving.

News flash dumbass, Thanksgiving happens the EXACT same day every year.  It's the fourth Thursday in November.  It's not like Easter and falls on whatever day the holy ones decided Jesus rose.  The fourth Thursday of every November...period.  Why the hell are you going to the grocery store 24 hours before?  You risk getting trampled, mauled or even killed at this point.  I have an agreement with The Trophy that I will not go into a grocery store the entire week of Thanksgiving.  If I have to be thankful for something this time of year, it's that The Trophy doesn't wait until the last minute to get her shit for the meal and that leads me to my next point.

What is with the Month of Thanks lists that are popping up everywhere?  I have seen friends on Fakebook doing a status everyday (or almost everyday, I guess no one is perfect), bloggers are doing a blog post a day about what they are thankful for and there are even Twats about what people are thankful for.  This leads me to believe that these people are only thankful for things during the month of November.  Shouldn't you be thankful for things in your life the other 335 days of the year instead of telling everyone that will listen that you are thankful on day 21 you are thankful for Stove Top Stuffing so that you can easily make your meal easier.

Speaking of stuffing...who decided that you should shove stuffing in the ass of a turkey?  What person killed a turkey, ripped the guts out of it and said, "Hey you know what would be good?  Let's shove croutons up it's ass!"  We have a 25 pound turkey this year, do you know how much stuffing we are going to need for that beast?  We should stuff it with a comforter for Christ's sake.  When the pop up timer goes off it's going to take off like a missile.  Who makes those things they stick in a turkey and do they have to work on Thanksgiving?

Oh that reminds me, the people that are complaining about places being open on Thanksgiving, shut the hell up.  It kills me that the ones complaining are the ones who have the day off.  Did anyone stop and think that the McDonald's employee or Dunkin Donuts employee actually wants to work that day?  They usually get paid twice their hourly salary plus some sort of bonus and maybe, just maybe they want to get away from their family?    No one complains that the high schools play football on Thanksgiving, the kids are working, there are people working the concessions and the coaches are on the job and don't forget the professional football games happening.

When did Thanksgiving turn into a typical Sunday during football season anyway?  People drink themselves silly, watch every frickin' football game on TV and argue with their families.  Now I wasn't there but I'm pretty sure the Pilgrims didn't have the first Thanksgiving and declare that this will be the day where everyone gets obliterated, fights with each other and watches a sporting event.  Then again, from what I was told they didn't even have what we consider the "traditional" Thanksgiving food.  They ate seafood, raw vegetables, dry bread and water.  Yum.  Falling Rock, please pass the crab claw and maze please.

To those people out there who think Thanksgiving should be changed (much like every other holiday) because it supposedly represents the decimation of Native Americans...stick a wish bone in it, why now?  Oh that's right, it's hip and cool to jump on some sort of anit-whatever band wagon.  Most people celebrate Thanksgiving because of what they have not because of something that happened four hundred years ago.

Spend the day doing what you want and try to be thankful for everything you have and with that I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving...except PETA...PETA can go fuck themselves in the tofu farting vegan ass.


  1. That meme is hilarious. Hope your first Thaksgiving without your parents will still be a good one. You know what I'm thankful for? That there is man out there that gets the concept of not waiting til the last damn minute to venture into grocery store Hell to buy the food for the feast. Please tell my husband! Happy Turkey Day to you and yours Kevin!

    1. It's my OCD or CDO, I need to make sure everything is set before I do anything...luckily the Trophy shares the same mentality, at least when it comes to Thanksgiving.

  2. We relax on Thanksgiving! This is the second year of our new tradtion: dinner at Ruth's Chris and then a movie. Just the three of us. It's awesome.

    1. I have to say that is a great tradition!