Saturday, April 13, 2013

A To Z Challenge: Lesbians, Yummy

OK, so I could have chosen Luke or even posted a golden bikini picture of Leia but I chose Lando for my Star Wars character that begins with the letter L, why?  Because he was the token black dude before Windu.

But that's not what I'm writing about today, I'm writing about lesbians.  Yup, lesbians.  You see I grew up near Northampton Massachusetts and hung out there my entire teenage life.  What?  You don't know what's so special about Northampton?  Two words...Smith College.  You're still stumped?  It was named the lesbian capital of America by the National Enquirer in 2005.  Nothing?  OK, it's filled to the brim with lesbians, Smith College is an all girl college, trust me I've been to many a party there when I was younger.

No lie, this is Smith College
Anyway, sorry for that little outburst, what I was saying was that I grew up around lesbians so it doesn't bother me as it would some other people, plus that whole Fag Stag thing that I wrote about in the past, you can read that HERE.  What I'm getting at in a round about sort of way is...I dated almost dated three lesbians and I really pissed off one.

No I didn't date them at the same time and I didn't even know they were lesbians either, especially the one I pissed off.  I know now because of Facebook and other sources but I didn't back then.  Now before I go any further if you are one of them reading this, I mean no disrespect, but I don't think they read my blog anyway.  My blog doesn't exactly attract most of the LGBT community.

The first girl was in high school.  I should have figured it out but I didn't.  I wouldn't say we dated, more like hung out a couple of times.  I was pressured into asking her to the junior semi-formal by just about every other kid in school, so I did.  We had a good time but that was it, over and done with.  Speaking of gay, I took Bubba to the senior prom, but that's a story for another blog and no, Bubba isn't gay.

The second was a cousin of a friend of mine and I can't say 100% that she is a lesbian today but all the signs are there.  Anyway, we dated for a few months in college and we were friends before that.  It just didn't work out I guess.  I should have figured that one out too because of the one night I tried putting the moves on and I encountered a big old stop sign in her pants.

Last but not least was the sister of one of my friends (see a trend here?).  We never even made it to the first date.  I hit on her constantly as she worked at Subway and she said she would go out with me but that was it, no show, no call, no note.

Where was this back then?
Then there was the lesbian I pissed off...a lot.  We threw my best friend a birthday party when he was seventeen and a bunch of friends came over, we all knew each other to some extent but nothing could have prepared me for what happened that night.  In my typical act first, think later fashion I picked up a birthday card for my friend and gave it to him.  Another friend of mine signed it too because he was too cheap to get his own card.  The card pissed off the lesbian.

Now it wasn't what was on the front of the card and it wasn't even what was printed in the card, looking back I guess it was what I drew in the card.  Does anyone remember Kevin Smith's movie Chasing Amy?  Well in the movie one of the characters tries to explain to another why lesbians will not go out with dudes so he tells a little story....

There's a four way intersection with a $100 bill in the middle of it.  At one stop sign there is Santa Claus, at the next the Easter Bunny, the stop sign after that has a man loving lesbian and the final one has the man hating dyke.  Which one gets to the $100 bill first?  The man hating dyke because the other three are fucking figments of your imagination.

Yeah that was me being classy, I took the time to draw the intersection, the $100 dollar bill and all four of the characters.  The card was passed around because people thought it was funny right up to, yup you guessed it the lesbian.  Have you ever wanted to be able to hit rewind on life's remote control and get a do-over?

Look, the drawing.
So I guess there are two ways to look at this, the first is I shouldn't care what people think and the second is I was man enough to be the last man the others wanted...or something like that.

Got it now!


  1. Great tales, but now that pic is making me reconsider some of my choices...

  2. Well, you have had some interesting experiences. Thanks for sharing them. I have a number of lesbian friends. I've even married some lesbian couples. (That's legal here in Canada.) And I don't for a minute buy the $100.00 bill story; there are some wonderful lesbian woman who really do love guys. Like they were brother and sister.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!
    Bears Noting

  3. Not sure whether I count as "LGBT community" or not, but I'm a lesbian and I read your blog.

    You can't be blamed for the high school dating problems. Most lesbians take at least well into college to figure themselves out...

    I was also happy to see the Chasing Amy reference. Always thought that was funny.

  4. That blue man needs a cape to cover his body. Ewwww! Interesting life you've led. :)

  5. Surprising topic - well written . .
    Thank you,i enjoyed the A to Z visit.

  6. I took a gay guy to my prom. Found out he was gay when he.put the moves on my cousin. Good times.

    I think the card is funny! Although I'm not a lesbian. Except according to your chart, I could be! Really? Having cats makes me gay? I knew I shouldn't have gotten that third one!