Friday, December 7, 2012

Day 7: Trim This!

Everyone who celebrates Christmas has a Christmas tree, some have more than one and some whackadoodles have one for every room in their house.  The Trophy and I went to Christmas party last year where the host had a Christmas tree in every room of the down stairs of her house.  There was one in the kitchen, one in the dining room, one in the living room...well you get the picture.  Each one was decorated with the utmost care and of course they don't have kids, each one was picture perfect.

And this was their bathroom!
We on the other hand have one tree, the same tree we have had for almost six years now.  It was pre-lit to make it easier to decorate but of course the lights shit the bed so now we have to string lights on the pre-lit tree.  It is a fake tree.  There I said it, it's fake.  When The Trophy and I first got married we had a real tree then we decided that we should invest in a fake tree so that we weren't spending $60 on a spider infested fire hazard each year.  Through out the years we have gone through our fair share of fake trees but we have had this one now for a while.  One of the best things about a fake tree is we don't have to fluff it.

Here is our tree.
Granted when you first assemble the tree it looks like some sort of deranged character from the Lord of the Rings but then you straighten the branches out and fill in the holes.  We put decorations on the tree and The Trophy puts ribbon around it and puts the fiber optic angel on top (because nothing screams Christmas like fiber optics).  I have an issue with the angel though, it's loud.  I don't mean it's loud like you hear it talking to you after six or twelve eggnogs, I mean it's motorized and when you are sitting in the living room after the Minions go to bed it sounds like a helicopter is buzzing around the room.

We don't string popcorn and cranberries for the tree.  I don't grasp that concept, pop up a whole metric Santa's ass full of popcorn, thread a needle and sew the popcorn and berries together?  It sounds like a whole lot of work for something that will attract rodents and will rot off the string.  What kind of popcorn do you use anyway?  Do you hot air pop it or do you buy a bunch of microwave popcorn?  Kettle corn or Movie Theater butter?  I would think the Movie Theater butter would be best because it has it's own lubrication.

I was called out on Twitter the other night because someone thought I had a Star Wars Christmas tree...


Well, I maybe "gay for Star Wars" but I don't have a Star Wars Christmas tree....just a bunch of ornaments on it!

Jabba says Merry Christmas.  Yes, I'm sure he does.

Put Santa Claus in the cargo hold.

Tarunta gush!

A Merry Christmas I wish you.

The unsung hero of ALL the Star Wars movies.

Happy Life Day or Rwwarraggh!

Real or real not, there is no fake.

Makes the Santa run in less than 12 parsecs
I have had a hard time getting the bastard trapped and after defiling The Trophy's horse earlier in the season he has moved onto other farm animals.  Notice the second pig hiding amongst my mugs watching in horror.
Gonads is a pig fucker.

14 comments:

  1. I don't know what I love more...that your Elf is named Gonads, or that he is perverted

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    1. Holy cow a local! Well that's his name from me, the Minions named him Tylome or something like that and yes he his perverted.

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  2. I went to a Christmas party a few years ago like the one you mentioned, I asked the party hostess where the hell she found all that energy for that. We also have the fake tree. Nothing screams a houseful of curse words like a forgotten pine needle impaling the feet in July! The Star Wars tree looks very festive! I'll tell ya, your elf is pretty scary and I'm a hillbilly, we usually aren't afraid of much, 'cept UFO's and maybe cornfields at night down here. :) Great post btw!

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  3. Those. Are. AMAZEBALLS. And did I see Ralphie hiding in there? Does he say "Oh fuuuuuudge"?

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    1. Yes that is Ralphie and why yes, he does say Oh fuuuuuuudge.

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  4. I think I'm jealous of your Star Wars ornaments.

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  5. OH MY GOD! That tree is bigger than my house! I think the Star Wars figures as decorations, are brilliant.

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    1. It only looks big in the picture (I've never said that before I swear).

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  6. We have a bunch of those Star Wars ornaments on our tree too! We have a really cool glass Yoda too. Picture of it I will take.

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  7. I am really going to try and use "Gonads is a pig fucker" in a sentence today. Juuuust maybe not in front of the wigglers....

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  8. Best...tree...ever! (From one SW Geek to another)

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  9. I can't believe I just found this - and you totally posted my tweet on there without blacking out my name or anything! (I do that too but mostly because I can't find the time to deal with it in Paint and I don't have any other useable software for altering photos)

    I LOVE the Yoda quotes, thanks for posting those!

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