Sunday, December 23, 2012
Day 23: Happy Birthday, Minion #1, You're Screwed
#1 will be nine years old on Christmas Eve but will celebrate his tenth Christmas. Don't think about it too long, your brain will ooze out of your anus.
What about the dilemma Kev? Right, the dilemma. Well, like anyone born within a week of Christmas, Minion #1 will eventually get fucked over on his presents. So far we have been able to split his gifts evenly between his birthday and Christmas but as he gets older, his tastes get more expensive. For example last year he wanted Legos...simple and easy, you can give him Legos on both days, but this year he wanted a Nintendo 3DS and games, that's it, nothing else. So we now have the dilemma, if we give the game system to him on his birthday he won't have anything to play until the next day and if we give the games he will know what he's getting for Christmas AND he still believes in the Fat Man from the North Pole. Sure, there's ways around it but it's going to get more difficult each year, I mean my birthday is in January and even I was screwed in the gift department. "Now remember Kevin, this jacket is for BOTH Christmas and your birthday."
The gift issue aside, the other issue with his birthday being in December, let alone Christmas Eve, is the birthday party. 95% of the time it is cold and miserable outside in the month of December and any good place inside to have a party costs half a year's salary. This year we are being brave, actually I haven't decided if it's bravery or dumbassery but this year we are allowing him to invite five of his friends over for a sleepover. It'll be fun, or so I'm told.
People always ask "How come we don't have his birthday party in the summer?" Well brainiac, he was born in December, which means his birthday is in December. I'm not sure if I want to celebrate the almost coming of the antichrist twice in one year.
Sure we've done the birthday parties at local establishments but we gave up on that notion a few years ago. The first party we had at an establishment was in kindergarten, we invited all of his classmates and did a party at a laser tag place. We had the place for two hours, they provided cake, pizza and soda and even party favors. It cost us upwards of $300 for this extravaganza and guess what?
Only one kid showed up.
We spent almost $300 on a party for twelve and one classmate showed up...and he was late! Sure we had a grand old time playing laser tag and eating six pizzas but let's face it, it wasn't worth it.
We skipped a year and did something simple and had friends over but then we became dumb again and this time we went to Chuck E. Cheese....fuck...that...place.
When did video games become a dollar to play? Whatever happened to the video games we had when we were kids that cost twenty five cents, maybe fifty cents? Each kid got twenty tokens and that lasted like three games. After playing for a while, they called us over to have the microwaved cardboard they claim is pizza and the freaky ass rat sings to the birthday kid. Once the grease settles and the soda has spilled, the kids turn their tickets in and get a pencil eraser and a plastic spider for 800 tickets.
That was the last time we did an establishment party.