|These aren't the gifts you're looking for...move along.|
OK so now that we got that out of the way and I dragged you down for a second time in less than a week, I want to tell you about a Twitter conversation I had a few days ago that prompted this post. James from Dads Round Table threw this little tidbit out into Twitterland:
My true love gave to me:
Twelve drummers drumming
Eleven pipers piping
Ten lords a-leaping
Nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five golden rings
Four calling birds
Three french hens
Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree.
So because I suck at math, I will let Morgan @captmorganmomma break it down for you:
And Bartholomew thought he was being smart with the advent calendar, that's a lot of presents, but let's dive a little more into this.
Twenty three birds? Even the food bank doesn't need that much poultry. Imagine the bird shit everywhere! Imagine the breast enlargements! A partridge is the Micro Machine of the chicken world, turtle doves are gamey and what the hell are calling birds anyway? The only useful fowl in this song would be the hens and geese (you can't hunt swans, they're protected for some reason). So, the poultry list has been narrowed down to nine and unless your last name is McDonald and your refer to yourself as old, that's a whole shitload of birds.
Seventeen girls. OK, I can see that...wait, what am I saying? It sounds like that whole 72 virgins thing that some terrorists subscribe to. Whether your true love is male or female, this is a pretty weird gift. There are ways to look at both the ladies dancing and the maids a-milking.
***DISCLAIMER*** You are about to dive into the gutter with me ***END DISCLAIMER*** If the maids are milking cows, then you have a whole different problem going on that would require you to build a barn and nowhere in the song do they mention xx cows a-waiting to be milked. So that would leave one to believe that the eight maids are involved in some sort of fetish porn...just saying.
Now comes the sausage fest. Thirty three men. Again, whether your true love is male or female, that's fucked up right there.
Here, if anyone is wondering what to get me for Christmas, please watch this video...
I also need to apologize to everyone, I wrote about my Mom and a fetish porn in the same post. I think I might be going to hell on that one.