Sunday, December 9, 2012

Day 9: My Blog Is Advent-ageous

To all of my Jewish readers out there!
 We purchased advent calendars for the Minions the other day.  #1 and #2 have Lego Star Wars advent calendars and #3 has a Playmobil one.  When did this turn into a $50 purchased?  It's a cardboard box with little doors to open in numerical order. 
This can be yours for a mere $49.99
I remember having an advent calendar when I was younger but I don't remember having expensive toys to open everyday.  I had discolored pieces of chocolate to look forward to each day for 25 Days...wait 25 Days?  Huh, would you look at that, my 25 Day blog project is your very own advent calendar.  Each day you get to fire up the computer or iPad and there I am right in your news feed.  Instead of greyish lumps of chocolate you get to read a new post every day.

The advent calendar was made to count down the days until Christmas or so they say.  Personally I think that some pissed off Catholic was upset that his Jewish friend got a present eight nights in a row not to mention that whole Jesus on a cross thing.  I can only imagine that conversation...

Bartholomew:  Merry Christmas Sampson!  So good to see you this snowy December night!

Sampson:  Happy Chanukah Bartholomew!  Please accept this dreidel as a gift of friendship and token of apology for that whole Jesus debacle.

Bart:  A dreidel?  What the heck is a dreidel?  It looks like a little top.

Sam:  Well, yes that's basically what it is.  It's a child's toy to play and sometimes you get eight different ones during Chanukah.

Bart:  Eight different ones?  Wouldn't one suffice as they all do the same function...spin?

Sam:  Yes, I suppose they would.  Some children get chocolate coins or fruit eight nights in a row.

Bart:  Wait, you get presents eight nights in row?  Do you have a special deal with Santa Claus to make that happen?

Sam:  Santa...Claus?  Never heard of him, besides we really don't get along with German people know.

Bart:  Right, right.

Sam:  Please don't use that word.

Bart:  Oh, I'm sorry.  So, back to the eight nights of gifts, how does that work?

Sam:  Well Chanukah starts a little before your Christmas holiday but lasts eight nights unlike your pitiful one day of celebration.

Bart:  Pitiful?  What do you mean by pitiful?  I'll show you and your eight silly nights of gifts!  I'm going to make something so that we get presents for ten nights before Christmas.

Sam:  Um, isn't there twelve days of Christmas?

Bart:  Well yes, but who wants those gifts?  Maybe the maids a milking but who needs all that poultry?  OK, smartass, I'll make it start on December first and last until Christmas Day!

Sam:  OK....we have a menorah.

Bart:  Yeah, well we'll have a box, yeah a box, with little doors built in. The doors will be numbered, yeah that's it, but I'll make the number out of order.

Sam:  Won't that confuse the children on which door to open?

Bart:  Silence, this is my invention!  They can cross reference it with their real calendars.  I'll put little presents behind the doors.

Sam:  Such as?

Bart:  Discolored lumps of chocolate of course.  I'll have a candy maker make them in February and I'll store them in the freezer.  I'll leave them unwrapped because they are opening the little numbered doors already.

Sam:  That's it?

Bart:  No!  I will make the 25th door bigger and put...a Christmas ornament in it so they have something to hang on their tree that day and they can see how pretty it is for twenty four hours, when their tree comes down.

Sam:  You're a genius Bartholomew...

Bart:  Suck my yule log!  I must go, I have work to do!

Sam:  What are you going to make the box out of?

Bart:  A new material made of paper pressed together, I will call it cardboard.  This way they can't reuse it every year!

So there you have the conversation on how the first advent calendar was conceived.

I found Gonads encased in a plastic bag last night, it seems he has reached an end.  The problem was it was one of those produce storage bags and he was able to breath the whole time and before I could grab him he made his escape to the North Pole.  I need to set a trap for him tonight...


  1. "Right, right" "Please don't say that word." OMG I almost pissed my pants laughing.

    1. I am rather pleased with the way this one turned out.

  2. Elf body bag. lol 25 Days of Christmas? That's gonna Holi-cost ya a whole lot more than 8 days. Oh no, I di'int. Sorry. I use humor as a coping mechanism.

    1. Yes! I was hoping I could get a pun from the ever witty Mod Mom!

  3. $50 on advents calenders!!!!! I went to the Dollar Tree to get the discolored chocolate ones for my kids. Also picked up my Christmas cards for a buck there too.

    1. Yeah...I've been told not to worry about it and it's for the kids.