I started at 6:30 with the knock, knock, knocking on Stinky's door. I was prepped and ready for this wake up call, I flew out of bed and opened #3's door, whooshed him into the bathroom so he could pee...and of course pass a copious amount of gas. #2 came down stairs and the first thing I told him was, "Shhhh, you need to be quieter this morning, we're going to let Mom sleep in." Nodding, he bounds his way into the bathroom to make as much noise as possible, I guess he has decided to be the Incredible Hulk today...good idea #2. #1 tip toes his way down into the kitchen holding several presents wrapped in pastel tissue paper. I looked in amazement at the amount of homemade gifts the Minions had created for the person who lugged them around for nine months. #1 is no rookie at Mother's Day and knows the routine.
|Puny Dad yelled at Hulk..Hulk sad..|
Well things worked out and it turned out to be a pretty decent day, at least that is what she told me. She loved the lilac bush, the homemade gifts from the Minions and the family bike ride we took (despite #2 crashing into her bike twice). Throughout the day I started thinking I wonder what Father's Day will bring for me? Then I started to ponder over the difference between Mother's and Father's day. Holy shit! They are completely different, yet exactly the same.
Now before I get into too much trouble from the following list, let me clarify that I have been through eight Father's Days and each one has been really good and I've enjoyed them all, it's convenient that they happen to fall on my only day off. I am not complaining from the past, at all, hell I got a kayak last year, but there are very distinct differences.
Both Mother's and Father's Day are the same where you honor the respected figures for each day, you thank them for raising you or giving birth to you, conceiving you....actually that would be kind of awkward...really awkward..."Hey Mom, how are you? I'm fine. I just called to wish you a Happy Mother's Day and to thank you for letting Dad mount you from behind like a horny gorilla during that snow storm back in 1976."
1. On Mother's Day, the Dad and children attempt the let the Mom continue her slumber, most of the time the plan fails due to loud noises, children arguing, things being dropped, etc. On Father's Day, the Mom and children let the Dad sleep, but he awakens because he has things he needs to do that day like mow the lawn, wash the car, paint the house, etc.
2. On Mother's Day many fine restaurants offer a Mother's Day Brunch costing a minimum of $25 per person and offering everything from prime rib and eggs to a chocolate fountain. Have you ever used a chocolate fountain? It's ridiculous and delicious...I want one and I don't even really like chocolate. On Father's Day the local coffee shop offers a free cup of coffee if you are a Dad.
3. On Mother's Day the baseball players use pink bats, wear pink batting gloves and pink cleats. On Father's Day you might catch a glimpse of a blue ribbon on the uniform.
5. On Mother's Day, Moms usually get flowers, massages and treated to dinner out. On Father's Day, Dads get tools to fix the deck, a six pack of beer and food to grill on the newly fixed deck.
6. On Mother's Day the children make all sorts of neat school and home made projects to give to mom, usually a picture frame with a nice picture of the child or a poem saying how special Mom is, complete with a hand print. On Father's Day, the children hand over a card they threw together the night before because they were reminded it was Father's Day from Outback Steakhouse in a commercial break during Spongebob Squarepants.
7. On Mother's Day, grown children will call their Mom and wish them a Happy Mother's Day. On Father's Day, grown children will call their Dad...collect and wish them a Happy Father's Day, costing him money.
9. On Mother's Day, commercials prompt people to let Mom enjoy the day, let her relax (again I tried) and to shower her with gifts. On Father's Day, commercials suggest to let Dad build something, do yard work or grill for everyone in the neighborhood.
10. On Mother's Day, you are expected to respect and honor your Mom because she endured nine months of pain and torture and gave birth to you. On Father's Day, Dad's do not get credit for being part of the birth process, yet without him and his wonder shot, you would not be standing around today.
All in all though, Moms deserve to have a day to get pampered, spoiled and treated like queens, if a guy had to bear the barbaric torture know as childbirth, there wouldn't be anyone left on this planet.
Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there reading this.