Monday, April 9, 2012

He Didn't, Did He?

Holy crap is how I feel about the A-Z Challenge.
Today's blog it brought to you by the letter H.  I actually spent a lot of my day yesterday trying to figure out a good thing to write about that began with the letter H...nothing, well nothing interesting that is.  I could have written about about Happy Easter, Ham, Holy Day or even Hop (the movie), but I covered all of these except Ham and Hop in my Easter post.  I actually have a friend who had turkey on Easter, who the hell has turkey on Easter?  Turkey is for Thanksgiving...get with the program!  Oops, sorry I started careening off on a different topic.  Today's topic hit me today while at lunch...Handicap(ed)(able)(s).

So true....
I think I just heard a loud gasp in unison as people read that, just like Obi-Wan Kenobi heard the cries of Alderaan before it blew up.  Did he really just say he was going to tackle handicaps?  Damn skippy, hippie no one is off limits, remember?  Look it up in the Who? What? When? Where? Why? section, I give you fair warning.  Now, before I loose any of my precious minions and stalkers let me explain something here.  I have and continue to work with people and children with disabilities.  The people I am going to be spouting off about today are the people who claim they have a disability, people who abuse a disability and yes I will touch upon people who have a disability.

What set this post in stone today, besides the letter H, was the first group I mentioned, people who CLAIM they have a disability.  I work as a road rep for my full time job and I see a lot of things.  I happened to stop a CVS to get a bottle of water.  While sitting in my truck I happened to watch a full size, Chevy Yukon pull into a handicap spot and park.  First things first, if you are handicapped, do you really need a vehicle THAT big?  The door swings open and the first roll of fat comes out.  WAIT....don't groan again, I am not attacking fat people, I'm fat, I'm allowed to go off on fat people, well actually I'm not fat, it's just my awesomeness swelling up.  So as I was saying the first roll of fat comes out, followed by a tree trunk, then the other tree trunk.  As the behemoth lands on the ground with a THUD, he waddles his way to the front door, turns around and heads back to the SUV...he forgot to put his little blue placard on his rear view mirror.  He makes his way back to the front door and squeezes in.  Now I'm curious, I always give people the benefit of the doubt before I judge, maybe he's got a thyroid issue or he has a really bad metabolism, so I waited for a few minutes to see what he comes out with.  About five minutes later he stumbles out of CVS with....a bottle of Mountain Dew and a bag of chips.  OK, sympathy is off, he doesn't have a handicap, he's just a fucking lardass.  This person's doctor should revoke his handicap placard and prescribe him to park in the last row of the parking lot where he would have to walk a little further, a little exercise wouldn't hurt.

Bring me Solo and the cookies!

Now, people who abuse a disability.  I am not talking about the people who have the disability, I'm talking about the people who exploit the people with the handicap.  Let me paint a picture for you, I know several people who have children with Autism and Aspergers, they are both terrible things for kids to have, but when worked with these kids can be awesome!  Now, Facebook is 99.9% a public domain and people shouldn't spout off about things that they will regret.  I saw a post a couple of months ago that pissed me off.  This person is the "Oh woe is me, no money to feed the kids, but smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and goes out with her "man"" status provider.  Somehow they scrounged up enough money to get season passes to a local amusement park and was bragging about it.  Of course her faithful followers ate up her status like pigeons devouring stale popcorn and begging for more.  One person had mentioned that they have an issue taking the family to places like that because of her kids' disabilities to which the status provider wrote...and I quote..."...we don't have to stand in line like everyone else, you get special bracelets to wear that allow you to jump ahead in line. Autism has its perks."  I will wait a second and let that sink in......Autism has its perks.  So this asshat is exploiting her son's disability to get ahead of the other people who paid the same amount of money to get into this venue.  I can't swallow that, that is just wrong, Autism doesn't have perks...this person should not have been allowed to breed.

I despise people who do not have a handicap that park in a handicap spot or park right in front of the convenience store (in the fire lane) because they are "just going to be minute".  These people should be grabbed by the back of the neck, dragged across the parking lot and made to stand as far away as possible while their car gets towed or even better crushed.  You are no better than anyone else, besides there are people who actually need those spots and what if the fire department was called?  BUT, it is a two way street, people who have the handicap placard shouldn't park in a parking spot that isn't designated by the big blue and white painting of the stick guy sitting in the letter C.  Go to any Walmart, not that I support that decision but sometimes it is a necessary evil, you will find rows upon rows of these blue spots so there is no excuse to park anywhere else.  Yeah, yeah, yeah I know there might be some "goodhearted" people who simply borrowed their friend's car and didn't park in the handicap spot because they are not handicapped, but the chances of that are slim to none.

Now this would be hard to fake...I like it!

It's like the people who push the power door button because they are too lazy to open the door.  Did you know it takes about 3 seconds longer for the door to open that way than to pull it open?  Also the button is usually located a few feet away from the door so you need to go out of your way to open the door.  Yes, my kids push the button to open the door, but usually it's because either my wife or I am pushing #3 in a stroller, so #1 and #2 usually beat the shit out of each other trying to figure out who gets to push the magical button and we usually end up just opening the door ourselves and wiggling our way through with the stroller.

See?  Now that you have read through the entire post, I did not attack people with real disabilities, guess that doesn't make me such a bad guy after all.


  1. Still got my eyebrow raised in shock at 'Autism has it's perks.'

    Having spent several years working in the field of Autism, I can honestly say that as much as they loved their kids, not one parent that I spoke to, would have seen their child's condition as having perks.

    Jeez, what an arse!

  2. People never cease to amaze me...