Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Body Parts In The A to Z Challenge

Day 2 and thus the letter B.  As you know from my last post..if you read it..if not read it HERE, my theme for the Blogging From A To Z April Challenge is Adulthood.  Today it's Body Parts, but before I get into the rest of this post I need to address a comment I got from Gossip Girl who writes the blog ~*~Whatever~*~ (which you should read), she wrote "I always thought growing up is optional and not mandatory."  Yes, you are correct my fellow blogger, I subscribe to"Growing Old is Mandatory, Growing Up is Optional."  Being and "AH-dult" to me means getting older, not necessarily growing up (although there is a little growing up needed).

..and they all hurt!
Any way speaking of getting older, body parts, nature's cruel way to tel you that you are getting older.  There are THOUSANDS of parts to the human body, some more, some less but we all have them.  It's funny that (for me anyway) the body parts tell me that I am getting older.  The change, they get stiff, they get un-stiff (NOT ME, the Trophy is very happy in the wrapper), they get sore, they even fall off.  No matter how you cut it body parts are a time bomb.

Take my left shoulder for example, I tore my rotator cuff twice and gave it a hairline fracture...and it fucking kills me every single day of my life.  I have to take two pain relievers in the morning to get rid of the pain and then take two more before I go to bed so I can get some sleep.  I have to stretch my shoulder in the middle of the night because it got stiff from sleeping....from...fucking...sleeping.  I hurt myself sleeping for shit sake!

Then there's my hair.  Luckily I am not going bald but every time look in the mirror I see another gray hair.  It's not that they're there, its the fact that we have these overhead lights in our bathroom that reflects on the gray bastards and makes them shine brighter than Christmas tree.  Talk about 50 Shades of Grey, I have that on my head minus the whole bondage thing.

I creak.  A lot.  It's like my body has turned into an 1800's farm house.  When I wake up the first thing I do is creak.  My knee pops, my neck cracks and don't get me started on my back.  I have to stretch in the shower just so my back doesn't hurt the rest of the day.  Speaking of bathrooms...

I have the walking farts now.  I mean I am the minor deity of flatulence but I never had the walking farts.  I get up in the morning and I sound like I have an Evenrude strapped to my ass all the way to the bathroom.  The good news is I've now primed the pump for the morning turd...

I'm just going to come out and say it, my bowel movement schedule is off now.  I used to shit like clockwork, three times a day...religiously but now it's all out of whack.  I used to poop in the morning after I wake up and before I showered, again between 1:00-1:30 PM and then again at 6:00 PM.  Lately though it's been whenever the prairie dog decides to poke it's head out, it could be anytime for whatever reason and being a creature of habit, I don't like that.

At this point I feel that I have shared too much so I will end the letter B post here.  Come on back tomorrow for the letter C.

13 comments:

  1. Evenrude - LMAO! I laughed so hard over this post. I relate to the body aching. My back is terrible and nearly every joint pops at some point whether I try for it or not.

    Unfortunately for me, Boyfriend is the God of all Farting. If farting were a sport, he'd easily make to the Olympics. It's even funnier when he puts powder in his pants because fart=POOF of powder. It's not funny when it clears the room in under 5 seconds. Pepe Le Peu ain't got nothin' on my Boyfriend. lol

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    1. Thanks! The powder trick is classic, I am going to have to try that. I can fart on command. It's funny I just learned how to say fart in sign language.

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  2. LOL! Funny topic and great way to do your A to Z! Good luck keeping it up!

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  3. Just realized that comment doesn't connect back to my blog. My A to Z is at http://janiceperson.com

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  4. You never had the walking farts until now? I feel like I walk-n-tooted more as a youth than as an adult. But I have gotten to the age where stretching has become very important. I like aging, but not the side-effects.

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  5. Being in the waning years of my life I can tell you this, getting older is not for sissies. The thing is to recognize each day as a gift and every wrinkle, gray hair and pain as a mark of having lived. Don't most of us love old gnarled trees? Think of yourself as a tree... As for walking farts, Benjamin Franklin said, "Fart proudly." From one who has intestinal problems and has, three times, been unable to fart, I can tell you you don't want that pain. I love being able to fart.

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    1. Yes, yes Ben Franklin did say that. I am not ashamed of my farts, in fact it is my super power.

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  6. Ah, yes, the walking farts. I see someone else has already brought ol' Ben Franklin into the discussion; I was gonna say that, myself, too. 'Fart proudly.' I love that advice. My brother is the patron saint of proud farts, though. He has mastered the silent but deadly, and it's gotten to the point where his co-workers don't trust being in the same room with him ... especially if he closes the door to stifle fresh air circulation! He is often known as the Ghost of Cabbage Past.

    I look forward to reading more of your essays on adulthood! :-D

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  7. Damn it you made me roar with laughter. Loved the Evanrude bit, so much so I can't stop giggling every time I think of the name. Evanrude will never be the same for me now!
    Glad you were on my list of blogs to visit. :)

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