|..and they all hurt!|
Take my left shoulder for example, I tore my rotator cuff twice and gave it a hairline fracture...and it fucking kills me every single day of my life. I have to take two pain relievers in the morning to get rid of the pain and then take two more before I go to bed so I can get some sleep. I have to stretch my shoulder in the middle of the night because it got stiff from sleeping....from...fucking...sleeping. I hurt myself sleeping for shit sake!
Then there's my hair. Luckily I am not going bald but every time look in the mirror I see another gray hair. It's not that they're there, its the fact that we have these overhead lights in our bathroom that reflects on the gray bastards and makes them shine brighter than Christmas tree. Talk about 50 Shades of Grey, I have that on my head minus the whole bondage thing.
I creak. A lot. It's like my body has turned into an 1800's farm house. When I wake up the first thing I do is creak. My knee pops, my neck cracks and don't get me started on my back. I have to stretch in the shower just so my back doesn't hurt the rest of the day. Speaking of bathrooms...
I have the walking farts now. I mean I am the minor deity of flatulence but I never had the walking farts. I get up in the morning and I sound like I have an Evenrude strapped to my ass all the way to the bathroom. The good news is I've now primed the pump for the morning turd...
I'm just going to come out and say it, my bowel movement schedule is off now. I used to shit like clockwork, three times a day...religiously but now it's all out of whack. I used to poop in the morning after I wake up and before I showered, again between 1:00-1:30 PM and then again at 6:00 PM. Lately though it's been whenever the prairie dog decides to poke it's head out, it could be anytime for whatever reason and being a creature of habit, I don't like that.
At this point I feel that I have shared too much so I will end the letter B post here. Come on back tomorrow for the letter C.