Friday, February 1, 2013

Spanking The Monkey

I seem to have developed an arch-nemesis of sorts.  Huh?  I never would have thought that I, mild mannered, swass kicking, gas producing Kevin would have an arch-nemesis.  I feel like Superman vs. Lex Luther; Batman vs. The Joker; Snoopy vs. The Red Baron.  I have a legitimate arch-nemesis in the name of...

You can go to his blog HERE...if you want.
My arch-nemesis (how many more times can I use arch-nemesis?) sought out and has infiltrated my Fortress of Solitude, my blog, by commenting on some of my posts.  Well actually I would have to say that I maybe, kind of, sort of provoked the comments by posting about him winning the Dude Write Challenge a while ago...which by the way I did not enter, thus making it possible for him to win.  My post was all in good tidings to the Six-Fingered Monkey, yet somehow he took it as something different.

Somehow, over the course of a couple of months, we have found ourselves locking horns via Twitter and Facebook, like Thor against Loki, Spiderman against Dr. Octopus or Mighty Mouse against Oil Can Harry.  Albeit our feuds are simple and definitely not hate driven, it's odd since we've lived in harmony until just recently.

I salute you...sellout.
In many ways we are similar, both of us are bloggers, humorous bloggers.  We both enjoy the company of male children...wait that sounded wrong, we both have children that are boys.  We are both involved in the Cub Scouts as Leaders.   We have both pondered the mystery of the two headed woman and her masturbation and sex life.  We both were shocked to find out David Lee Roth was gay.  We both compete in the Dude Write Challenge and at one point we were both.....anti-Instagram.  Looking back, I think that is what drew the line in the sand between us.  The Six-Fingered Monkey sold out.

A while back, Six came up (all by himself) with the notion of N.A.D. or National Anti-Instagram Day and presented to the entire world on his blog.  It was declared and almost passed through Congress (I'm lying there) that July 5th would be National Anti-Instagram Day.  People around the world were asked to participate in the downfall of what is Instagram by posting NON altered photographs onto their Facebook page, Twitter account, website, blog and any other media source they had.  It was a movement more monumental than Rosa Parks and Occupy Wherever combined.  In other words, it was a freaking fan-fuck-tastic idea!

June 5th rolls around and there I am shoulder to shoulder with Six, ready to unveil my unaltered photographs and prepped to give the Instagram app a giant fuck off.  It happened, and millions thousands hundreds several people participated in N.A.D. and it was a gigantic humongous decent marginal success.  Six wrote a great post on his blog about how proud he was and thanked everyone for their efforts, Six was a persona we could all get behind (in a non-gay way).

Then it happened, less than a month later he sold out.  The Six-Fingered Monkey, leader of the N.A.D.S. turned his back on his own minions and followers and....downloaded the Instagram app for his iPod, took and uploaded a photo of himself, thus proclaiming himself a hypocrite.  Shoving us, his followers and friends into the dirt, he walked away and left us wondering what happened.  There were good people who went with Six on his damn fool crusade, myself, Blondie McBaffled, Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom and Joe just to name a few were left holding the banners and signs for N.A.D. 

This songs for you Six...

Then if that wasn't enough, he goes and enters a post about his grandma and how he misses her to Dude Write.  (To be fair, I can totally relate having lost both my parents this year and it was a great post)  This sympathy post secured his third Diamond Man Card and causing him to brag about how he was the first Diamond winner, the first to win multiple Diamond Man Cards (which I missed being the first by one vote...against Six) and to directly come after me for not having won any of the times he had entered Dude Write.  I felt attacked (not really) and on the defensive (again not really).

Six, my arch-nemesis, I would like to point out that to your pitiful amount of Man Cards, I have secured seventeen of my own, also the first to win all three levels of the Man Card, Diamond, Platinum and Gold and the first to win every Man Card offered.  We both have secured Leibsters and Rockin' Blogger awards but are you on Dan's Wall of Shame?  Sure you're a published writer in the ebook All Cracked Up and a team member over at Sprocket Ink but can you handle the pressure of the A to Z Challenge bitch?  I think not my old friend.
Seriously, go and drop the $'s worth it big time!
I am prepared to defend the common man and to carry on N.A.D. with or without you, I know there is still good in you, I can feel it, but you came looking for the horns, well you got the bull....or something like that, I still need to work on my superhero catch lines but you're still a funny ass douche nozzle.

As for Scouting...come see me when you've reach this level...


  1. I can't decide whether you are my enemy or you secretly wanna toss my salad.

    1. I know you're on a diet, but what does a salad have to do with....ohhhh. Douche.

  2. Oh, this is good. Entertainment at it's best. Keep fighting boys, I'm going to run off and get snacks.

  3. This is like UFC - only better. I don't even have to check the tv listings - just follow the 6 Fingered Monkey and wait for his move.

  4. This is the saddest rivalry since Donald Trump versus his own hairline. Come on, where's the real vitriol? It was like you were writing his eulogy, filled with a glowing list of his accomplishments. How about a little "my kid can beat up your kid" action? Throw some mud here.

  5. LOL, I love this - nothing better than a good-natured nemesis. I wish I could find one of my own, but women tend to fight dirty. ;-) I look forward to further installments. And now I have to go read SFM.

  6. This is the best male snarkfest on all the interwebs!

    ps I hate instagram and will happily join in any cause to have it banned forever