Friday, August 17, 2012

The Cape Cod Adventure: Day 6

Day 6 of the C.C.A., also the final day here on the Cape.  I may have written some posts that sounded like I wasn't having much fun but when all is said and done, I can honestly say it was a fun vacation.

We head home tomorrow, but we are planning on taking our time heading home, again due to lovely Cape bridge traffic.  We aren't planning anything exciting for tomorrow, just picking up the last minute forgotten chachkis, maybe one more fried seafood meal and just avoiding going home.  We had the crazy thought of getting a motel room for the night and spending the day by the pool..as opposed to the beach...which is what we did again today.


We decided to go to the National Seashore Coast Guard Beach, what a crazy experience that was.  We surprisingly got out of the house at a decent time, normally things go a little later than normal for reasons I promised the Trophy I wouldn't blog about.  We got to the beach and paid our $15 entry fee.  Everything down here that involves the sea costs $15, what the fuck?  I just paid $15 to go sit in a sandbox.

So we unloaded the Minion mobile and the other SUV and we looked like homeless people pushing around our belongings.  We had three "buggies" full of boogie boards, sand toys, umbrellas, sandwiches, snacks, towels, beach chairs, blankets, snorkeling gear, gallons of sun block and three backpacks filled with clothes to change into after we suffered the salt and sand.  I looked around the parking lot and I couldn't see the ocean anywhere, "Odd," I thought to myself, "Usually when I get dragged to something I loath, it's presented right then and there."

Come to find out we need to lug our gear to this area that resembles a waiting line at an amusement park (surprise, surprise) and then wait for the tram to come and pick us up.  So we waited with our three "buggies" full of beach crap.  I started noticing other people showing up and all they had were their towels, a cooler and a chair or two.  That's what I'm talking about, minimalism!  I remember going to the beach B.K. (Before Kids) and that's all we took, a couple of towels and a cooler, simple and easy.  Just then the tram arrives breaking my day dream of B.K. and we have to load the three "buggies" filled with beach crap into a little trunk on the back of the second car.  Awesome, I'm not even at the beach yet and I'm sweating my ass off, sand is going to cling to me like a magnet.  If I was a chick I would have had a sandy vagina.

Our five minute shuttle service drops us off at the entrance of the beach, which is ironically located next to a parking lot that was charging a dollar less than what we payed to park miles away.  Go figure.  We plodded our way up and over the dune walkway and there it was...the sea of a thousand umbrellas and beach huts.  Ten o'clock in the morning and the beach is already over crowded.  We pick "prime" real estate smack in the middle of  hundreds of other people.  The good news was I didn't have to feel self conscious again.  There were Wookies and Hutts all around, even the Wookies had little Wooklets, it was crazy.  I was in people watching overload.

So we set up base camp, like we were planning on staying out there hunting seals or something, which by the way we did see seals and I was disappointed because there have been a lot of shark sightings at the Cape and I was hoping to watch a seal get mauled by a great white see a great white shark but we didn't, we just saw cute little seals popping their heads out of the water here and there.  I set up one of the beach chairs we brought and grabbed my iPod, and dialed it to (yes, it's a classic) Jimmy Buffet.  I figured if I was going to be sitting in a million tiny bits of sharp granules I might as well listen to some relaxing music.  Say what you want about Buffet, his music soothes the savage beast and seeing I couldn't bring alcohol to the beach, this was the next best thing.


After about thirty minutes the Trophy taps on my shoulder and asks what I want to do, I look at her and said "I'm fucking doin' it."  All I wanted to do was relax, catch some rays and maybe a nap.  Well of course the Minions had other ideas for Dad.  We  needed to utilize the boogie boards we brought, great...let's go venture into the sixty degree water, let our testicles creep up into our lungs and hang ten.  What a ridiculous idea this was, besides the boogie boards that we brought were snapped in half, no matter where we were, the waves were over there, so we went over there and then the waves were back where we started.  I couldn't win and of course the Minions thought it was my fault, like I was shifting the axis of the Earth or something.

After six hours baking in what resembled a kitty litter box, we decided to go "shower" off and get changed.  There is nothing more comfortable than stripping you and your three kids down with a dozen strangers, seems perfectly safe to me.  We got back on the tram and were shuttled back to our parking lot, loaded up the trucks and headed off to supper.  Looking back I guess it wasn't that bad of a day, but I'm still not a beach person...at all.

Pour me something tall and strong and make it a hurricane before I go insane.





13 comments:

  1. I like the beach, but when I think of all the work that goes into packing and schlepping to and from with sand ending up in every crevice and all over the car and house...well yeah...a drink is usually in order. I always come home with an epic headache. I like listening to the Buffet Sirius radio channel. Always makes me feel like I'm in the Carribbean. Enjoy the rest of your vacation!

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    1. Jimmy Buffet is under rated...like Scrappy Doo.

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  2. I have to agree with ModMom. Why is it that we always carry all of that crap, knowing we will only be carrying it back to the car later? :/ Noticed your hairy Homer Simpson pic. I have wondered myself while at the beach, watching all the ppl jogging and exercising- you think they actually do that at home or just at the beach to make everyone feel bad about themselves? Yummy Hurricane's though!

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    1. I wondered the same thing, I rarely see people running and exercising normally, but on vacation I saw them everywhere!

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  3. I am happiest at the beach and I am the one who packs the least, but then again, I live close by so that helps too. I have never seen seals, but have seen dolphins and love when they are jumping around out there!!

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    1. Give me a backpack with the essentials and a towel, I'm good to go.

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  4. You make me homesick. I moved out here from Delaware, where I lived a block from the beach. Mornings *almost* year-round I'd go out there with my giant mug of tea and take a walk in the sand and listen to the waves.

    So many great things to do at the beach!

    ...but I've never understood the "fun" of dragging a whole houseful of supplies, toys and doodads, so I feel your frustration.

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    1. I would enjoy the beach like that, no people, quiet....alone.

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  5. Hey! It's Monday already? Are you still stuck in traffic on Route 6?

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    1. Ha! Actually traffic was not bad at all, it only took us and hour to get off the Cape.

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  6. I love the beach but hate the work. And thanks for the back rug pic (yuck). Have you ever noticed that the hairiest backs usually belong to the baldest heads? I believe that should add some validaty to my philosophy that men don't actually lose their hair, it just starts growing backwards and finds another exit point, like ears, nose, asscrack, back...

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    1. I'm like a Wookie...hair all over, sorry TMI.

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  7. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.

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