Thursday, August 30, 2012

That's Not Water - Flash Fiction

***This is not a normal posting, it is my stab at a little Flash Fiction challenge through Dude Write.***
Dude Write
Never one to turn down a dare or back down from the phrase “you’re not man enough” has usually landed me in a predicament.

Many moons ago, back when I was 21 I was in charge of throwing my best friend his 21st birthday party.  There were catches, I was in charge with another friend, it was supposed to be at his house and it was supposed to be a surprise.  Being idiots back then, my friend and I went to his house while he was at work and not thinking he would ever lock his doors, so we had to break in.  No problem, the cops were not called and we began to set up.

After the house was decorated and ready for his arrival we waited for the guests to arrive.  In other words I had plenty of time to down a six pack before arrival.  Feeling pretty good I started to greet the guests and let them in on the plan.  Once the place was jammed with people, the guest of honor arrived.  “Surprise!” was yelled all over the house and the party began.  People flowed out into the yard and street and I found myself sitting in the living room downing another six pack.

Then she walked in, my ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend, one of my good friends.  I had expected them to be there so I was prepared.  Nonchalantly, I said hi and asked how they were doing.  Don’t forget at this point I was 8 beers and I think 3 shots into the party.  They sat down on the couch and the living room filled up with our close knit group of friends.

Sitting in the recliner, minding my own business I heard it, the phrase that when said, strikes fear in all of our hearts and you have to do it.  “You’re not man enough…”  In this case it was followed by “…to drink this.”  I looked at the tall glass filled with clear liquid and looked at the person holding it.  It was my ex-girlfriend.  She repeated it again, “You’re not man enough to drink this.”  I asked what it was and she told me water.  I looked at the glass, then at all of the faces in the room waiting to see what I was going to do and then at her.

“That’s not water.” I said as I grabbed the glass and drank, no chugged to clear minty liquid down.  I leaned back and looked at everyone staring at me with open mouths in disbelief.  Then the words, “Excuse me I need to puke.” came from somewhere near my head.  The last thing I remember was going to the bathroom, puking and then waking up on the front lawn with a few people watching me.  To this day, no one will tell me what I did in the timeframe, which was approximately six hours.  From that moment forward I vowed I would never drink Permafrost ever again.


  1. Oh what a bitch!
    I was expecting something like vodka, not permafrost! Great ending. :D

  2. Permafrost? Damn. She was a real twat waffle, eh?

  3. Ugh and yuk on the Schnapps and Christmas morning burps. Hoping you didn't pass out with your shoes on!

  4. I'm not familiar with permafrost. But this was a fun post.

  5. Great go at this Kevin. You told this in a very familiar style and I was almost thinking "doesn't he know this is supposed to be fiction?" which made it all the better!


  6. Permafrost!!

    I would have at least tried to get five bucks from such a dare!

  7. I have learned, many moons ago, that when someone hands you a drink and says "You're not man enough to drink this.", you don't drink it!

    Just say "You're right, I'm not man enough!" and live another day!

    By the way, put your character to good use on my blog in a book review.

  8. Oh, damn! Last time someone said those same words to me it was a solo cup of 151.

    But, I had one of those times where I apparently disappeared from a party for 2 hours and came back not knowing what the hell happened in those 2 hours I was gone.