Saturday, April 14, 2012

My Minions

Saturday is brought to you by the letter M.  I have decided to tell you about my Minions, unfortunately not the ones who follow me here but my real life Minions, the ones I created.  Let me introduce to you #1, #2 and #3.

From L to R; #3, #1 and #2.
These three little heathens are fine when separated, but when you put them together they form some sort of unstoppable force, like the Decepticon, Devastator (just without multiple pieces).  They have super powers as well, #1 is the mastermind behind the ravage, #2 is the initiator and #3 is the doer....holy shit, it sounds like the Saturday Saints....great, I'm fucked now.  I do take full credit for these creations though, there's no denying they are my offspring.



Elaborate Plans
#1, being 8 and educated will concoct a scheme so brilliant, so elaborate, common folk will look at the blue prints and think "Oh, that's a nice drawing" when in fact it is a ingenious idea.  He will actually take time to devise a plan to put into place.

Once the plan is presented #2 will gather the resources necessary to implement the scheme.  He will also round up #3.  #2 is 5 years old going on 13, following in the footsteps of his older brother #2 he lets things sink in, he observes and learns.  #2 will put the plan into motion.

Once the ball is rolling, #3 does things, usually creating a distraction for them.  He is 2, so not quite capable of deceit but pretty damn close.

 Top Secret Dossiers

GROUP LEADER
Codename:  Minion #1
File Name:  Fuller, D.  SN: XXX-XX-XXXX
D.O.B.:  12-24-2003  Grade:  E-2
Primary Objective:  To Take Over The World
Super Power:  Brilliant Mind

#1 was born on Christmas Eve, 2003 and is our little present, at least that's what the nurses told us.  We believe he is the reason the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004.  #1 is advanced beyond his 8 year old mind, the word genius has been mentioned several times by his teachers.  He is at a 4th grade level on 95% of his subjects.

#1 is one lab accident away from becoming the ultimate super villain, or super hero in his case.  #1 is a quick thinker and can make decisive actions in a blink of an eye.  His only weakness known is video games.

INSTIGATOR
Codename:  Minion #2
File Name:  Fuller, B.  SN:  XXX-XX-XXXX
D.O.B.:   10-18-2006  Grade:  E-K
Primary Objective:  To Overthrow Minion #1
Super Power:  Brute Strength

#2 was born October 18, 2006, close enough to Halloween to be considered a demon.  We wanted the Red Sox to win another world title so we had this Minion and they won in 2007.  Just entering Kindergarten, #2 is itching for a chance to catch up to #1.  The first chance he gets he will overthrow and take command of the group.

#2 is the most like his male creator.  He shares the same personality, build and mannerisms as the father.  He may have been exposed to gamma rays which would explain his uncanny ability to have a short temper.

GRUNT
Codename:  Minion #3
File Name:  Fuller, T.  SN:  XXX-XX-XXXX
D.O.B.:  4-13-12  Grade:  P-2
Primary Objective:  To Terrorize Small Animals
Super Power:  Unlimited Supply of Gas

#3 was born April 13, 2010, thinking of yet another World Series Title #3 was brought into this world.  We were wrong, they lost and then had the biggest collapse ever.  #3 is only in his second year on this planet and he is quickly learning the ways of the Force.  This subject is the gassiest little kid known to man, yet another trait picked up by the male creator.

#3 is still too young to gauge his true primary objective, yet he seems content terrorizing small domesticated animals such as dogs and cats.

I will challenge anyone who says raising a girl is harder than a boy, I don't have a daughter so I can't completely compare my findings, but boys....they tend to be different.  The rules for raising three boys is like the Jedi Code, just changed around:

There is no emotion, only peace.
(There are no feelings, only punching.)

There is no ignorance, only knowledge.
(There is no accountability, only blaming.)

There is no passion, only serenity.
(There is no quiet, only full volume.)

There is no death, only the Force.
(There is no end, only them moving out.)

So there you have a brief description of my Minions.  There is a small group out there called the Three Boy Club and you can ask any member "Why do you have three boys?"  The answer is simply "Because we don't want four."

Oh, this happens all too often.....

8 comments:

  1. Kevin, I bloody loved this!

    Just edited on a link to this post from mine.
    Hope you don't mind?

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  2. hahahaha....no way those cute boys are that evil! and i know why my only girl gets along so well with them :-)

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  3. Hi Kevin, I found you on lily's blog. I love your minions, good descriptions of them :)

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  4. HAHA I feel your pain. Although I only have 2 minions they are both boys and they are a major handful. On the other hand they can never come home pregnant so I will take that over having a girl anyday.

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    1. My thoughts exactly too! They can't come home pregnant.

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  5. Little boys are awesome, they have a cuteness about them that just melts my heart. Great post!

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