Thursday, April 17, 2014

Outta Control In The A To Z Challenge

If you don't get this, look down at your keyboard....numbnuts.
Today is the letter O in the A to Z Challenge.  Oh shit!  Oh no!  Oh crap!  Oh well!  Oh the horror!  Oh the humanity!  Oh, what the fuck.....

Today is a list day, a list of people, places and/or things that are..ready for it...Out Of Control.  Let's start in no particular order shall we?

Figures..this would have been easy A-Z.
The A to Z Challenge.  This god forsaken thing has taken over my life, it has consumed me like the Rancor consuming a Gamorrean Guard (There, fuck you Klopeck...if you're reading this).  I downloaded a calendar and made it my desktop image, I even went so far to attempt to come up with a theme.  I am thinking about what I am going to write about when I try to fall asleep.  I am asking my wife what I should write about for the next letter.  What the hell man?!?  Who would have thought this challenge would be so difficult.  The thing that makes me mad are some of the posts that others are doing.  I was reading one where she capitalized every letter of the day that was in a word...for example if it was D and she wrote "The Dog DeciDeD to take a Dump on DaviD's heaD."  Who has the time and energy to do that?  I'll be ready next year and it won't be so Out Of COntrOl.

It's Spring Fling...NOT Easter you little shit.
School systems that try to change things as not to offend some people.  Just stop would ya?  If you want to sing a song in school and it happens to have the word God in it and you feel it might offend someone, don't change the lyrics in it....don't sing the damn song.  The same goes for holidays.  Don't try to change Halloween into a Fall Festival Day or Easter into Spring Has Sprung Day and sure as shit don't change Christmas.  These holidays have been around a hell of a lot longer than you, your students, their dumbass parents and the crappy school you run.  Don't change, add!  Add other people's holidays, add Boxing Day, Chanukah and Kwanza.  Add the Lord's Evening Meal, Litha and Obon...whoa, where did I get those from? The way things are going I thought you were supposed to be teaching about diversity not being scared if you offend someone. Some schools are Out of Control.

Yay! Billy got 21st place!
Overbearing, tree hugging, everyone gets a trophy, granola farting parents.  Guess what?  Life isn't fair.  Period.  End of story.  The sooner you can relay that message to your kid, the better off they will be when they get older.  From the minute you are conceived things aren't fair.  You're cramped up in a tiny space for 9 months being fed nothing but a by product of someone else's food.  Think about it, for 9 months you are crammed in this space and no one says anything about how bad it is, but when a convicted criminal gets sent to solitary confinement, it's torture.  It's not fair when you pop out of the sperm shute either.  There is no getting comfortable, the nurses grab you and start weighing, pounding and tagging you like you were just captured in the wild for tracking purposes.  Life's not fair when you get older either, some people are smarter, cuter and more athletic than you.  That's why we have grades and a grading system, that's why we have different levels of sports, that's why we have different colleges you can go to.  We aren't clones from Lucas' movies, made to look alike, think alike and be the same...shit even the clones in the Clone Wars wore different armor and got haircuts and tattoos to make themselves different, they even had a rank system.....oh no!  These parents are Out of Control.

People who drive in the lane that is being worked on and think they can get into your lane without a problem.  I had this happen to me today, I was driving to work and the left lane was going to be closed in two miles....TWO miles.  They gave everyone a TWO mile warning that they would not be able to drive in the left lane.  Speaking for myself when I see those signs I tend to get over to the lane you are supposed to be in so I don't have to deal with trying to cut in front of someone else.  Well two miles was cut into one mile and one mile was cut into a half mile.  These geniuses who were trying to fly past everyone to get ahead of the pack make no sense to me.  You had two miles to get into the right lane and now all of a sudden with a quarter of a mile left, you think I am going to be nice enough to let you in?  Fuck off shitbrick.  I will purposely close the gap in between myself and the car in front of me just so they can't get in.  You should have merged when you had a chance two miles ago fartknocker.  This is why there are traffic jams.  You people are Out of Control.
Stop!  In the name of love.

Crossing Guards.  I am blanketing the whole genre in this one.  There are either the "super elite" crossing guard or the "lazy ass" crossing guard.  Sure there are a handful of in between guards who actually do their job but for the most part it is these two classifications.  The "super elite" crossing guards think because they wear a fancy hat and wear and orange vest it turns them into a traffic cop.  I encounter one "super elite" crossing guard frequently.  She will yell at you if she thinks you are going to fast, point to the flashing 20 mph school sign and I've even seen her walk right out with her little red stop sign lollipop and force you to stop because she can.  This beast of a woman (reminds me of Roz from Monsters, Inc.) takes it to the extreme, I've seen actual police officers who are less likely to stop a vehicle than this *ahem* lady.  Then there are the "lazy ass" crossing guards who sit in their truck or car and don't move until there are a bunch of kids waiting to cross and then, only then, will they roll out of their vehicle and saunter over to let the kids cross.  Once 3:20 PM rolls around they are gone....thank the maker my kids take the bus to school.  Hey Roz, you are Out of Control.

So there you have my post for today starting with the letter O.  I suppose I could have gone on about the O face.
I'm going to show her my "O" face...sad thing is I worked with a guy like this.


  1. cool rave.
    that 'll let some heat out or fuel you up for more of the challenge.

  2. O is for outrage..... Great post! At my kids' school the senior kids are the crossing guards and this year my 9-year-old son gets to do it every Thursday. He loves it because if it's wet, they get hot chocolate. I think that's the only reason he volunteered.