It's funny how things change as you get deeper in Adulthood. Cars, bravery, your body and TV. Yes, TV. Letter I today is about infomercials You know those annoying 30 minute long commercials where the spokesman yells at you to buy his item? They show you how the product is used, what you can do with the product, how durable the product is and then they end with the classic "act now and we'll double your order and throw in the super penis pump for free! All you do is pay processing and handling." Of course there's the big disclaimer, NOT SOLD IN STORES! Then you go to Walmart and they have a section dedicated to "As Seen On TV" items.
I don't understand why anyone would purchase these items...well at least I didn't understand. Whenever these came on, usually late at night, when I was younger, my friends and I would laugh our asses off and mock them. We would wonder why anyone would want to spend their hard earned money on the "Super No Stick Egg Pan" and who came up with these stupid ideas. Then I entered Adulthood. As I watch these infomercials I think to myself, "Hey, I could use that (fill in the blank) around the house, it would be really handy.
Here are a few items that I have purchased or am contemplating purchasing from infomercials:
The Magic Bullet. I have this item. I bought it with the hopes that it could do all of what was advertised and then some. This thing looked like a much needed kitchen device, you could make juice, chop veggies anything. You could shove all of your food that would make a complete turkey dinner in there and make a smoothie! Not so much, it works decent for mixed drinks but that's about it.
Flex Seal. I HAVE to have this product. From what I can see you can seal anything, hell they sealed a screen door and made a boat out of it. This is amazing! You can seal up a planter, fix your roof, seal your gutters. I mean the commercial speaks for itself, I can use this anywhere around my house, the problem is the only place I would need it is on the roof, and I would have to buy a shit-ton cans of this stuff, but the good news is, I can double my offer!
The Pocket Hose. Holy crap on a cracker! I don't have to lug the stupid black hose around anymore? That is awesome! That is great! That would be worth getting if I cared to water my lawn...
Stufz and The Perfect Bacon Bowl. Holy fuck! Two of my favorite things, bacon and burgers...not just burgers but stuffed burgers! I WANT this, I need this, I crave these. Now to convince the Trophy.
I think I should come up with my own infomercial...hmmmm....