Friday, November 30, 2012

Theme Thursday: A Day Late And A Mouthful Later

Yeah, I missed the day of Thursday for Theme Thursday but before you get all up in my shiznit, I have been trying to prepare a Pack Meeting for my Cub Scout Pack...whaaaat?  Who Woulda Thought? is a Cubmaster?  Damn skippy, hippie!  So I am a day late, sue me.  Plus it also gave me a little extra time to read what the Mommies wrote.  Did I mention I'm like the only Dad floating in a sea of Mommies over HERE at Theme Thursday?  If you're a Dad or even just a me get some testosterone into the sea of estrogen.

So after reading some (not all) of the Theme Thursday posts, what I can see is they all followed the same theme (duh) which was Things That I Have Put In My Mouth Since Becoming A Parent and they also had the same type of answers...

1.  Breast Milk - Seriously?  That's just gross, I don't care what you earthy, crunchy, granola farting people say, breast milk is fine for the baby but why, WHY would you even think about trying it?  I stayed away from the Trophy's boobs like the plague when she was nursing.

2.  Pee and Poop - Child's play.  I have three Minions of the male gender and that happens to this day.  They get their pee everywhere in the bathroom as they haven't figured out how to aim yet.

3.  Binkies - Seriously?  What parent hasn't done that? I quick stick in the mouth to change the diaper and you're good to go.

4.  Nipples - Now we're talking!  Oh, wait, bottle nipples?  Yup been there done that.  When you're thirsty you just take a swig of the Minion's juice.

5.  Fingernails and Toenails - Grow a set and cut the kid's nails.  They make nail clippers with magnifying glasses built in.  It's just weird to see someone eating a baby's finger or toe, you look like a zombie or something.

And I'm not even going to mention spit-up, that just goes without saying.  As a Dad, I have put something some Mom's have never put in their mouths.  Leftovers.  Since becoming a Dad nine years ago, I have turned into a scavenger.  Without fail the Minions always have food left on their plates, with the exception of #1, he has been eating us out of food.

When we go out to dinner, I don't have to order a huge meal, I can do an appetizer because I will be able to finish of 1/2 a cheeseburger, a bunch of french fries and whatever else that comes with their meals.  Why not take it home with you?, you might be asking.  Simple, I despise taking food home because it sits in our fridge until we throw it out, which defeats the purpose of leftovers.

With meals at home, the same thing occurs, I can take my helping and cut it in half because I will the one standing over the sink eating the mash up of meat, veggies and rice off of a Veggie Tales plate and with a Cars baby fork.  It's gonna get tossed so why not eat it, after all there are starving people in Minnesota or something like that.

This may not be too odd, but it's something us Dads have been trained to do from the beginning of time, we are the vultures of the parenting world.


  1. Breast milk? Yeah, that's pretty gross. Never had it in my mouth before but it did squirt me in the eye!

    1. Did you get it squirted in the eye during the day shift of your local strip club?

  2. While I find that you trashed my blog, I didn't give a shit because I was laughing to hard. Nice post, Kevin!

    1. *too hard Sorry, it's almost 2am and I've been drinking.

    2. Technically, I didn't trash anybody's blog, I just built off of it.

      And thanks for compliment!

  3. That baby picture haunts me. Yikes! Breast milk is a little tasteless but hey - make ice cream, I say. Ben & Jerry's Mammory Bland.