Thursday, April 26, 2012

Wondernuts Award

Today in the A to Z Challenge is W.  Little by little you get to find out some of my favorite catch phrases like asshat, son of a monkey whore and what the fajita.  Well here is another....wondernuts.

Being a wondernuts is basically the same thing as being an asshat.  But I think I will take this one to the next level, I shall create my first ever award for people, places or things that deserve an award because of stupidity, asininity or bewilderment and I shall call it the Wondernuts Award.  The Wondernuts Award will be given out at will and to the people, places or things that I feel need this award.

Land of Asshats.
So with that being said I give you the first Wondernuts Award recipient, Concord, Massachusetts.  Yup an entire town of almost 18,000 people won this award.  Why did they earn the award?  Simple, they have become the first town in the United States...not Massachusetts, but the United States of America to ban....bottled water being sold.  Wait...what?

Support the BSA!
Now I am a supporter of reusable water bottles like Nalgene or the aluminum ones and I own quite a few, but this is ri-goddman-diculous. Why stop at water?  They should have banned soda, juice and milk bottles too.  You know everything else that comes in a plastic bottle. The 84 year old (she's almost dead anyway) woman said you can get water out of the tap....yes, yes you can, but what if you have shitty ass water?  Concord, like other towns, have both city/town and well water.  I suppose if you're lucky enough to have a well you could go on this idiotic crusade but what if you have the town water?  Most of the time town water isn't that great for drinking and needs to be filtered with a Brita like device.

You are hurting your local economy.  Now a days most people will grab a bottle of water at Cumby's or Tedeschi's instead of soda.  I still don't get why bottled water and not any other drink in a plastic bottle...  Take a look at Poland Springs, they have taken measures to reduce the size of the bottle and encourage recycling.  They are doing their part and now you are hurting them, not to mention the little mom and pop corner store that carries water.

You don't need to sell me death sticks.
Couldn't you have found something a little more harmful to ban?  I can think of a few things I would call more harmful than a plastic water bottle.  I have an idea, if you are so concerned with helping the environment, why don't you enforce a recycling law for the residents and fine the residents for not recycling (if they already do this, I retract this statement).

Congratulations Concord, have won the first ever Wondernuts Award.  I hope you accept it graciously.  I raise my Poland Springs bottle to you and salute you...dumbasses.

Bravo Concord, douche bag.


  1. I am thinking that if you take the "reduction" of plastic water bottles a little further you might be onto a business idea. Can you imagine if Poland Spring, Dasani, Aquafina, Ozarka and countless others started to sell you a reusable metal bottle at a much higher price, but with their logo. They could then sell THEIR water to restaurants either through the fountain drink machine or through those little five gallon coolers that the bottle get reused until they are unusable. Stores could still charge for water. People would still have their bottled water. The water companies would still make money. Everybody wins. . . even the environment. The only downside is that people are dumb. We all have reusable grocery bags but many people don't use them. If you start charging for the bags and/or giving discounts then people start to remember. Same could work for water. If you want to buy the plastic bottle then you get dinged. But if you bring your own bottle. . . half-price! Brilliant.

  2. First time to reach your blog. Absolutely loved it! America is going to shat. Right now there is a bill going around to arrest women for killing an unborn child if they have a miscarriage and in some states a ban on pants that hang around your asshat (course I can hang with that one) and the Wondernuts just keep on coming. I'm going to continue to follow you my friend.

    1. Thanks Sheila! I always welcome new stalkers and minions! Fair warning, bear with me for a little bit things are a little rough right now....