Friday, April 27, 2012

X Marks The Spot

I knew this day was coming, I kicked Q's ass, beat U and V, but the one letter I was dreading in the A to Z Challenge was the letter X.  Sure, xylophone but who plays the xylophone anymore?  Xfinity or more commonaly know as Comcast, I have them as my cable and internet, no issues with them.  X-Men, love the comic books and the movies...except for The Last Stand, that was a heaping pile of monkey crap.  I could have been cute and done some thing like change the word extra to xtra or talked about my X girlfriends, but that's not me.  So instead I will talk to you about wood.  Yes, wood.

"But, Kevin," you start to protest, "wood obviously starts with the letter W and you already did the Wondernuts Award yesterday."

"Well yes my silly little minions, I did in fact award my first Wondernuts yesterday, but today I want to talk about wood."

"But, but..."

"Shhhh, just sit back, relax and you'll see, besides have I eve steered you wrong before?"

It's truly amazing the things you can find on the internet, did you know that there are at least 21 words that begin with the letter X that relates to wood.  See what I did there?  Told you to relax...

If you were to take xylogy in college you could find out that xylan is a gelatinous compound found in wood, what things would be considered xylogenous seeing they grow on wood or you could even look at the xylem of the plant, which is the woody portion.  Maybe that would be your major and xylotherapy could be your minor.  You could treat diseases with certain types of wood.

Once you graduated college you could become a xylopolist and open up a wood store, of course you would have to hire someone who excels in xylophory to carry all of your wood in and out of the store.  Expanding your wood store you might want to enlist someone who knows xylography to do wood engraving or someone knowledgeable in xyloglyphy so you can sell cute little things carved out of wood or xoanon statues covered with ivory and gold.  Don't forget to employ a student of xylopyrography to design your wood with a hot poker or burning kit. Of course you could do the age old art of xylotypographic print and use wooden blocks to print your business cards.

Every good wood store should have a xylotomous tool in order to cut or bore the wood and a xylometer to measure the specific gravity of your wood.  Make sure you keep your shop clear of xylophagous creatures so that they do not eat your wood, these creatures, like yourself are very xylophilous and love wood.  If you are out looking for new wood you would be using the xylomancy skill, examining wood found in your path.

Now if you read all this and understood the words, you probably have a xyloid in your pants right now.

By the way, if you think I am making these words up, think you go.

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