Wednesday, April 18, 2012


Even God likes fart jokes.
Thanks to my cyber-blogger buddy Lily, she kindly reminded me that there are only ten letters left to this life sucking, brain draining A to Z Challenge.  Whew!  Wait that means there are ten more letters to this fricking challenge...what the hell man?

Now that I have brought everyone a glimmer of doom, I proudly present today's letter....P.  This one is pretty simple, having three boys we have a copious amount of....poop (or poot as #3 calls it) in our house.  Luckily we have two bathrooms and they are always in use.  Almost every man is fascinated with poop whether it is the gas or semi-solid log style.  Rectum?  Damn near killed him.

I call bullshit....
Let's start with #3.  This kid is the gassiest little bugger you will ever meet.  Friends of ours have babysat him a few times and have told us that he is the loudest and gassiest kid they have ever seen.  The problem is he won't potty train to save his life.  We have a potty and a potty seat for the big toilet.  The little potty even plays a little tune when a little pee or a little log lands in the little pot.  Regardless #3 shits four times a day and not normal shits, these are mushy, gooey and smelly shits.

So very true.
Next we have #2.  This one as I stated previously is a mini me.  He is regular and on a schedule.  He poops in the morning when he gets up and then again at dinner time.  The only difference is he doesn't find fart humor funny.....kind of disappointing because I LOVE fart humor.  Release the meese!  

Then there's #1.  #1 will hold and store up his turds for up to three days.  When he finally goes nine times out of ten he clogs the toilet....seriously.  He will unload the beast of a stink pickle and flush, the problem is when it is our turn to go ours won't go down.  So we automatically need to plunge the toilet before we do our business, just to be on the safe side.  Once the rocket has been launched into the swirling vortex of water, the stench that follows is unbelievable.  It is like a foul smelling rain cloud that permeates throughout the dwelling.  I think they use less toxic gas in the Middle East.

Don't feel disgusted or silly about poop, remember everyone poops, there's even a book about it.

It's a very good read, I've had it since I was 20.


  1. Sorry for the reminder but if I have to suffer, so must you!

    Dear sir, I have a few complaints about this post.
    Thanks for the gratuitous and graphic description of the descriptive post that you have described. What food I had been able to keep down, is now finding it's way down the pipes of the bathroom sink. Of course it could just be the flu but I highly doubt it...*ahem*

    And I hold you entirely responsible for my sore larynx, as I laughed like an idiot to "Rectum? Damn near killed him."

    My I suggest that next time, you kindly put a 'May be hazardous to your health' warning on your posts, so that others like me can avoid peeing in their knickers at such jocularity. Thank you.

    1. Yes, pain leads to suffering...this thing has be over with pretty damn soon. I say it must be the flu, but to be fair and nice I will put warning labels on myosotis from now on...just for you.

      Thank you for your concern :-)