Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Hate Leads To Suffering

Hate. Tough word that is. It's also part of the path to the Dark Side. I RARELY use the word and in fact I can't even think of anything I truly hate.

Despise. Now that's the word I use quite often. There are lots of people, places and things I despise.

We have cleared the first hurdle of the end of year holidays and coming quickly upon New Years. Ahh New Years, the one day out of 365 that everyone has delusions of grandure. The "I'm going to loose 50 pounds/quit smoking/quit drinking/change my life" day. I think people should do more realistic resolutions, you know like watching all six episodes of Star Wars in one sitting (something I haven't done yet, IV, V and VI yes, but not all six), switch to light beer, try a new food, visit a museum, things like that. I'm sure some people could step it up a notch and do things like stop being an asshole, stop spouting off about things you have no clue about, don't pretend to be perfect, you all know someone who can afford to do one of those.

What about me you ask? Yes, I too fall trap to the New Years resolutions, or goals as I like to call them. Every year I set a goal that usually lasts 30 day...tops. Well actually I did a good one two years ago and I did loose 50 pounds, so one goal actual worked. This year is no different as I think about what I should set for a goal. I thing I will try to despise things less. As previously mentioned, there are lots of things I despise, so here we go....

(In no particular order)

1. Those reindeer antler/red noses you see on cars. I think I will loosen up a little on those, if you want to look like a complete jackass around Chriatmas then go for it just don't bitch when you go through a car wash and they get ripped off. Wait? They make bunny ears and pink noses for Easter too? Fuck it, I still despise these idiotic things.

2. Drama Mamas. Those people who are constantly swimming in drama and aren't happy unless they have something to complain about or someone to gossip about. These people should all be rounded up and brought to a locked, large room that echoes, this way the shit they say about other people is heard by everyone locked in the same room and vice versa, they will hear what others are saying about them. Eventually, I would hazard to guess, they might see the light and change their ways..or not. Yeah, no, I will still despise these people.

3. Connecticut. It's weird, I get an instant stress headache to minute I cross the state line. The state is nothing but on big highway system. In my opinion, nothing good has come out of Connecticut except the Whalers...and they're gone now. I should despise it less because I have to travel down there at least three times a year. OK, I'll make an effort on this one, or not...time will tell.

4. One Uppers. These people always want to know what is going on with your life and then try to one up you on your story or situation. You know the type...

"I went to (insert location here) last year."
"Oh, what did you do there?"
"We took the kids to (insert fun place here)."
"Ohhhh, we did that AND then we also did (insert one up activity here)."

Ugh, just typing that pissed me off...scratch that one off my list.

5. People who have a Bucket List. WTF is the point of a bucket list? Why is it called a bucket list? Do you do these things while wearing a bucket on your head? Jesus, just make a mental note to do something cool and them when you get a chance to do it...DO IT! Chances are you'll never get a chance to do these things, I want to meet George Lucas, but guess what that ain't happening unless I was a kid and Make a Wish came to me. I have something like a bucket list, it rhymes with bucket....skydiving is on my list along with people with bucket lists.

6. Gamers. Yup, I just alienated myself from 40% of my friends. It's not the people that I despise, it's the way they present themselves. I own Nintendos (Super, 64, GameCube and a Wii) and a PS2 which I never play (it's for sale if you want it). I've never played a Playbox or a PS360 and I probably will never own one. Why you ask? I buy a $60 video game, play it for a few days and then get bored with it. I would be wasting the money. I did the stay up al night and play a video game once...I felt worse in the morning than if I went drinking and trust me, I've gone out drinking. Do yourselves a favor, sell your games, take a shower and then go get a job. Damn, another scratch from my despise less list.

7. Parking Lot Crossers. You're driving in a parking lot and you have to slam on your brakes because some asshat is driving through the parking spots. There are clear, defined driving aisles in a parking lot. Use those driving areas! I will purposely park in a section with no cars in it just so these wombats can't do that. I'll give you a twofer on this one, I despise the people who WALK in the middle of the driving aisle of a parking lot. Pick a fucking side and walk there dumbass! I don't want to follow your cottage cheese ass, that was crammed into Spongebob sleep pants (stay tuned!) casually strolling to the entrance of Target. Move over scrotum pickle! You guessed it, these people I can't despise less.

8. Wearing Sleep Pants in Public. Do I really need to say more? Throw on a pair of sweatpants for fuck's sake. Yes, I have a few pairs of sleep pants with cartoon characters on them but you won't see me going to Dunkin Donuts in them. Laundry day my ass! You have another pair of pants in your dresser. Man, this list keeps getting smaller.

9. Certain Categories of Smokers. Listen, before you get all bitchy on me, I didn't generalize and say smokers, it's your right to light up, take a puff and shorten your life by a year or three each time. The categories I am speaking of are 1. Parents who deprive their kids of something trivial like Pop Tarts because "they need money for their cigarettes." and 2. Parents who smoke in the car with the kids trapped in hte back or hold their butt six inches from the kids face while adjusting the stroller/car seat straps. You suck, plain and simple. I'm not judging your parenting skills, but you might as well strap your kid and inject him with some sort of communicable disease. You slapnuts, are staying despised.

Interesting, I guess this isn't the best New Years goal for me, oh well, I guess there is always the old stand by. Time to organize my fridge and weed out all the crap and dust off the elliptical.

Remember before you say you hate something, you could hurt a lot less feelings by saying you despise something. It's all in the way you word things.

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