Monday, April 14, 2014

Lady Products In The A To Z Challenge

Sometimes, you have to dig back in the archives to come up with something that fits into Adulthood...

Once I again I found myself racking my brain today, searching for something to write about for the letter of the day.  For those of you keeping score today's letter is the letter L.  I can only imagine that some people who are reading this would say, "Kevin, you're full of shit, all you have to do is pick something that starts with the letter of that day and write about it."  Au contraire my little minion, it is not that simple for someone like me.  If you were able to crawl into what people call my brain, you will find a complex working mechanism of such magnitude you wouldn't be able to comprehend what is going other words, my musing of certain topics has to strike me and it needs to be something I find interesting.  I can't just choose something like a Lion, Linkedin, Lowes, Lady Gaga or LL Bean.  It needs to make me stop and think, "Huh, that would be something to spread my brain droppings on."

So, as I was saying, I was having a hell of a time coming up with anything worth while to write about and then it hit me, mid-stream, taking a leak.  Staring me in the face a mountain of super absorbent Lady Products.

Mount Leaky Cauldron.

Holy shit!  Do you guys really leak that bad?  There's tampons, pads, super pads, panty liners and on and on.  Thank the maker I have three boys, I don't know what I would do if there was another girl in the house...well I take that back, there are three girls in the house but two of them are covered in fur.  Obviously my wife had gone shopping and stocked up.....I hope....I try to avoid the topic when the moon rises above the misty clouds and the planets line up once a month.  I was curious now, why so many different items to, um, er, use on your chooch?  So I took a closer look.....

The same instructions were on my BB gun.

What the fuck is that?  1. Ready 2.Click 3.Go!?????  What the hell are you doing?  It looks like arming one of those dart guns you see the Aborigines running around with, does it really shoot up there?  Also....full size protection, only CUTER?  No offense to the ladies, but what is so cute about a Vampire's teabag?  Oh look....there's a website...let's take a look shall we?

O_o (it called for one of those emoticons)  I am at a loss for words, this one website should have a warning on it saying "If you have a penis, go the fuck away!"  I'll leave the looking up to you, but again THANK THE MAKER, I DON'T HAVE A GIRL!  Did you know there is a Tampax Training Camp?  You do now!  This website eliminates the whole mom/daughter talk.....

Yeah, I didn't even want to know about waxing.
Whoa....and I thought men's razors were guys have a razor for every part of your body part you shave.  Legs, armpits, bikini area.....there's a separate razor for all of them???  No wonder I'm broke.

I had to look elsewhere in the bathroom, areas I never venture to.  You see we have two medicine cabinets and two sets of drawers, you know, his and hers.  I opened up her medicine cabinet, nothing out of the ordinary, I opened her set of drawers, nothing major, then I looked under the sink.....

Like I said, she owns stock in Bath and Body Works.....

With the exception of the Suave 2 in 1 shampoo (which we use for the boys) my wife owns stock in the Bath and Body Works Company.  Every scent imaginable, peach, apple, mango, cucumber melon, some hippie stink, sweet pea.....and on and on and on.  I think I am going to go to the mall and see if I can purchase one of those aprons they wear at the Bath and Body Works and give it to my wife.  She probably has more product knowledge than those who work there.

What does this stink like?  Cow patties and hay?
 Now, before anyone calls me an asshole or a dick for exploiting my wife's products, I asked her straight up for permission before I did this post, she said no problem...and that my friends is why I love her.

***Yes, another blast from the past...sue me.


  1. I bet you're testing these products and getting paid for it...that's why there's so many. It just so happens that you have a wife to use as a perfect cover. Right? No?

    It's okay, I wouldn't admit to it either!

  2. Making mental note to not complain about my daughter's Bath and Body works collection! LOL