Thursday, February 7, 2013

Snowmageddon

Would you look at that?  There appears to be a snow storm moving in to the area!  Who Woulda Thought? (Yes, pun and shameless plug intended).

Oops, sorry let me clarify something before I continue, this post is directed to the New England region.  Unless you have just moved to New England in the past five years there is no excuse for you to freak out about a snow storm, period, end of story.  What did you expect in winter?  You live in New Fucking England.

See the red circle at the end of the potential 2 ft + arrow, that's pointed at my house.
So they named the blizzard Nemo...wait, Nemo?  They named the snow storm Nemo?  Who's in charge of naming storms anyway?  Is there one person who sits in an office, getting paid six figures to come up with names for the major storms?  A meteorologist comes running down the hall...

"Frank!  Frank!  We got a big snow storm coming in and we need a name...stat!"

"Um, let's see, snow storm, um OK I got it, I just watched a movie last night with Frank Jr., we'll call it Nemo!  Everyone loves that cute little handicapped fish."

"Perfect!  Thanks!  Take the rest of the day of Frank, you did great!"
I got me a storm named after me!
So now that the name has been given, the meteorologist heads out to their team and makes the big announcement....

"OK, gang, Frank dubbed this one Nemo.  We know what to do right?  Look at eleven different radars and pick the one that sounds the worst.  We're going to break into every TV and radio show to scare the living shit out of the general public.  Make them panic people!  We want mass chaos, cluster fucks and we want to sell out of milk and bread!"

The Blizzard of '78, that's all I've heard before any storm.
Speaking of milk and bread...what the fajita?  I've lived in New England my entire life and have seen many different storms and not once did I say to myself, "Holy shit Kev, I better go get milk and bread for the storm!"  That and water, why go out and buy water?  It's going to snow and now I'm not the most scientific guy on the planet but I do know that snow is frozen water.  With two feet of snow, you'll have plenty of water on hand.

Also, people on Facebook, you don't have to update your status to tell people that it's snowing.  I'm pretty sure you didn't go to school to be a meteorologist and we already know, we live in the same area that you do.  I don't think I would be shocked if I signed onto Facebook and saw multiple posts about how it's snowing...

"Whoa shit!  Good thing I went on Facebook today, I thought it was 70 and sunny out!"

I apologize for the rant and I understand that this is going to be a huge storm for us in New England but I would like to point out something, we had a debilitating ice storm back in 2008, where many communities didn't have power for almost a month and guess what?  We didn't get much national support, it was flashed on the news and they said, "Eh, it's New England." 

If this storm is as bad as the "professionals" are claiming, I can guarantee that we won't get some benefit concert headlined by Jewel with special guest John Melloncamp.  No sir, we'll get a nod from the Vice President and maybe a commercial with some local celebrity like Wally the Green Monster telling us that everything will be alright and not to panic.

And you know what?  We don't care, why?  Because we live in New Fucking England.

13 comments:

  1. Damn! Now what am I going to blog about??? Seriously though, I just posted a status on my personal FB that says "Thank GOD for Facebook, or I wouldn't have heard it's going to snow tomorrow!" Be prepared for the onslaught of photos, dashboard pics, snow totals and statuses that say "Snowing..." or "Still Snowing..." Or "Shoveling..." Mine will say: Shut the fuck up about the fucking snow!"

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  2. I live in Kentucky and, up until last week, I became convinced that my town had a snow force field around it. It would LITERALLY be snowing right past where it says "Now Leaving [insert name of town]", in any direction heading out of my town, but it would be sunny and fine here.
    Y'all keep your snow....lol

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  3. I actually have two cousins who ARE meteorologists, and the weather stuff they post on Facebook is ridiculous. Charts no layman could ever read, stuff like that. But they always text me when there's a freak tornado heading our way. Nice boys.

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  4. I live down in Southeastern Mass, so I'll most definitely be finding Nemo. Wayooh. But, yeah, alcohol is at the top of my grocery list. Actually, it's the only thing on my grocery list.

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  5. We're supposed to be getting something here; either snow or rain. Either way, I can pretty much guarantee the power will go out. Happens if you look at the poles the wrong way. I like Chiz's idea - alcohol!

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  6. Er...we've just got rain...not quite the same thing is it?

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  7. I live on Vancouver Island...the snow mostly stays on the mountains, where it belongs and I can admire it from a distance. However we get a ton of rain, but at least you don't have to shovel it.

    I suggest you take advantage of the situation and spend the next couple days drunk on alcohol-infused snowcones

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  8. I saw Jim Cantore was heading to Boston - you're totally screwed!!

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  9. I moved here from Virginia 2 years ago- in the middle of the LAST blizzard they yucked up all over the news about. and my mom is visiting right now from North Carolina.

    I did stock up on bread and milk - but that's because my kids go through a gallon of milk a day - and that's what we do in Virginia. :-) I bought toilet paper too.

    But the basement *is* stocked with a couple cases of wine and almost a full bar.

    So everything is pretty much status-quo here, just a little worried about the screaming that will go on if the kids don't have their electricity.

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  10. Good luck with the storm! My family is all in New York. You made me want to log onto Facebook and check everyone's statuses LOL

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  11. I live deep in the heart of Connecticut and all I've heard about has been either the storm of '78 or a top ten list of Connecticut's worse storms by total inches.

    At the moment, number one was the snowstorm in January '11 that helped CT set a record of a 151 total inches of snow.

    Supposedly, we will beat the old record by 5 inches.

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