Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Day 12: Killing A Tree In The Name Of Christ

Everyone has them and everyone gets them...relatives/friends and their Christmas letters.  The letters where it's either bragging and boasting how great their lives are or how bad their lives are and they are looking for sympathy.  Each day we go to our mailbox, open it up and thumb through the mail...

Bill, bill, bill, Christmas card, AARP membership, bill, bill, another Christmas card, bill, Hannafords ad....oh crap...the letter.
Oh boy!  I've been waiting for this letter all year!
As I was writing that, I got to thinking, we haven't received a Christmas letter from anyone in several years and I know exactly why.  The first letter to drop from the mail bag was my cousin's letter.  We'd read it and then hang it up with the rest of the Christmas cards we got.  Then one foggy Christmas eve fourth of July BBQ at my uncle's house, I was partaking in a beer or twelve and she saw me drinking, she didn't say anything but the following Christmas I didn't receive a letter and haven't since.

The second reason I haven't received a letter in several years was because I wrote one myself.  It was about the time I had started my blog with this pitiful opening post and I was feeling like I could be the next George Carlin of stand up.  I wrote a letter and instead of boasting and bragging or saying how bad our lives were, I did it in jest of all of the other letters we've seen.  That seemed to drop a hint that I don't want letters anymore which is entirely not true, especially now.  I would love to get a letter so that I have a topic to put on my blog!

However, I have misplaced the letter since then and can't find it to post it, so I will write a new letter.  I'm still debating on killing a tree to mail them out or not, I wouldn't want to offend any tree huggers.

December 12, 2012

To Whom It May Concern:

I apologize for the generic greeting but one can't be too careful nowadays with all the religious fanatics and people who are easily offended.  I didn't want to upset anyone who is a friend and thinks they should be family and vice versa.

2012 is almost over, maybe quicker than December 31st if the Mayan's have their way, and I have to say that I for one can't wait for this year to be over with.  This year has been a long drawn out year for everyone and you know what they say about lucky number 2013!

We are doing fine at the Wouldathought household.  The way we see it, if we wake up in the morning and don't hit wooden sides when we stretch, we're doing alright.  The last time we wrote a letter around this time of year we only had two boys.  Well, God, being a humorous God has brought forth upon us a third male child.  Kevin still hasn't gone in for the procedure but rest assured proper precautions are taking place as to not have a fourth.

Our lives haven't really changed at all over the past few years with the exception of Minion #3.  Kevin still works six days a week and The Trophy still stays home with the Minions.  Minion #2 is now in kindergarten so that allows The Trophy some time to get things done around the house.  Minion #1 is in the pre-teen stages right now and is a little bastard to deal with.  He smells, talks back and he is taking longer showers now, if you catch my drift.

Kevin has been pretty successful writing his blog this year, it's kept him somewhat sane since the whole parents dying within a few months of each other thing.  Kevin keeps talking about going "viral" and no one in the house knows what he's talking about.  The Trophy told him to make a doctor's appointment to get it checked out but all he kept mumbling about was some Elf Woman and Little Shit From Poland.  If you want to catch up on the Wouldthoughts you really should follow his blog at  You can see how things unravel in their daily lives...or at least laugh a little.

Well that wraps it up this year seeing we are an average family and haven't done anything exciting so we can't brag about how the whole family went to Disney or how little Athena was a trooper and battled her way from the dreaded flu.  We hope you have a decent holiday and we look forward to seeing you next year, if the world doesn't explode.

Holiday cheer!

Damnit Gonads!  If you're going to clog up my computer with Elf porn, can't you at least spell it right!


  1. Bahahahaha, guess who wrote about the same topic today! Your hero.

    1. Since I've started this 25 Days project, it feels like Soth Park where whatever they did the Simpsons did it first...

      Simpson's did it!

  2. Wait people write Christmas letters? Gosh, no wonder I keep getting snowman poop! For some reason I can't help thinking that elf of yours is going to somehow going to be similar to the ending of Christmas Vacation where the Swat team is going to drop by for some eggnog and sugar plums bursting through your windows! :) Def enjoyed your posting!

    1. Christmas letters are a waste of paper and time, enjoy your snowman poop and be thankful you don't waste your energy.

      Gonads is really getting on my nerves and I would imagine the cops will arrive, unless I kill him first.

  3. Hahaha! You do know how wrong that sounds, your Gonads clogging up the computer, don't you?

    I actually thought that that was quite a beautiful letter. :)