All By Myself

The Trophy makes a pilgrimage three times a year to New York with the Minions to visit her sister, February vacation, sometime in the summer and Columbus Day Weekend and I get to have a nice quiet house all to myself...well all to myself, the dog and two cats, but they are quiet for the most part.

They headed out Friday afternoon as soon as the Minions got off the bus, just in time to hit traffic in the dreaded city of Hartford.  I don't envy her at all, I've made the three plus hour trip several times, there is no easy way to get there.  In fact the only thing I envy is that I don't have the ability to do that, working six days a week an all, I need to be choosy with my time off.

So, for the next 72 hours I am a bachelor.  Each time they make the trek down there, my friends always ask what I am going to do when they're gone and I usually just tell them nothing and that it is boring.  There is some truth to that, it does get boring after a day or so, but I can live with that because it's quiet.  I do different things each time they go down there so it's hard to let me friends know what I do.  Well, this time, I actually know what I am going to do this weekend seeing that I have the house all to myself.

I am going to come home from work and sit for a few minutes and take in the quietness.  I am going to listen to the sounds of the house that I can't hear with the "MINE!", "GIMME THAT!" and "IT'S NOT FAIR!" screams resonating through the house.

I am going to take a shit without having a squadron of Stormtroopers keeping guard at the sink watching my every push or having to share the bathroom with the new cat and even have the door open.

I am going to replace the Capri-Suns in the fridge with beer.  I am going to have a friend over to help me drink that beer, so I can go and get more beer.

I am going to lay on the couch.  I never get to lay on the couch because the Minions usually keep vigil in the three spots watching TV.  They look like the Hear No, See No and Speak No Evil pictures.

I am going to adjust the surround sound and watch The Avengers and The Star Wars Saga on maximum volume with the sub-woofer set to the highest level.  I want to feel the explosion on the Death Star and hear Iron Man fly in from behind me.

I am going to order a Pu-Pu platter and an order of fried rice from the Chinese restaurant down the street and eat the whole order by myself....without the little panhandlers begging for scraps.

I am going to go out to a bar Saturday night with a friend.  At this bar I will not have to ask for a kid's menu or ask the server for crayons.  I am going to order buffalo wings the way I like them...fucking burning.

I am going to sleep in the middle of the bed.  I am going to do this not because I can, but because our mattress sucks and if there isn't two of us sleeping in the bed, you literally slide off the side of the bed.

I am going to sleep in on Sunday, I won't have to hear the knock, knock, knock at 6:30 AM.  Now to be fair when I say I am going to sleep in, I mean I will sleep until 8 AM so don't get excited.

I am going to help out my Cub Scout Pack sell popcorn on Sunday morning and not have to worry about two of my Minions who are in the Pack.  If a kid acts up, I know his parent is right there and I can sit back and smile.

I am going to spend my Sunday afternoon puttering around the garage, organizing and cleaning it.  I can do this without the three Minions trailing behind me, making a mess quicker than I can clean.

There, now my friends can know what I am going to do this weekend, oh and my phone will be off too.