|Brain cancer anyone?|
Now there are hands free electronics. X Box came out with the Kinnect, where you don't need a controller to play video games anymore. Growing up in the '80s, I can tell you that you lost me on that one Sony, I gave into the wireless controllers and even the Wiimotes but Sony drew a line and fucking stepped right over it. I have even seen a commercial for a TV where a remote control is not required, all you do is wave your hand like you're a Jedi and you control the TV, but we don't have flying cars yet?
|Yeah...shoulda bought a bigger TV stand...|
"Dad, I need to go to the bathroom", Minion #2 informs me.
"OK, let's go", I tell him and then realize if he has to go, that means #1 and #3 need to relieve themselves, "Do you guys have to go too."
"Ok, let's go guys.", and I parade the three Minions into the mens room.
#1 can take care of things on his own, without supervision, #2 needs some guidance and #3, well, he still shits his pants. We enter the bathroom and I start barking out orders of the well practiced plan.
"#1, go to that urinal there, #2 you go to that urinal that is lower and I'll take #3 into the big stall over here. When you are done, you flush, go wash your hands and wait right here for me until I am done with #3. Got it?"
|The handicapped stall is the luxury box.|
"Did you go poop?"
I lean him forward and start wiping when all of a sudden, WHOOSH! The toilet flushes on it's own while #3 is still sitting on it. Not only does it scare the living hell out of him but I'm afraid he's going to get sucked down into it. Now #3 is freaking out because "the potty growled" at him. We leave the big stall and I see both #1 and #2 looking at the urinals.
"Um, guys, what are you doing?"
"There's no flusher on these."
"Oh, you need to move away from the urinal to let them flush, they are motion detectors."
They both back away from the urinals and they don't flush. Whoever designed these urinals obviously didn't have an eight and five year old in mind because the sensors are above their heads, so I walk over and wave my hand in front of them to flush them.
I should stop right here actually and fill you in on something, some of you are probably thinking "Who cares if it flushes, it's a public bathroom." Well I care, it's one of my quirks, like the cotton balls. I had a public bathroom incident once where all the toilets were unflushed and it splashed on me, that's why I flush every toilet.
I clean #3 up (letting the soap on the floor stay there, I feel an employee cleans the shitter every hour anyway) and we turn our adventure to the hand dryers. Now, the hand dryers are something that all three Minions are used to, but this one is different...it's made by Dyson. Dyson is who made my vacuum. At this point I am bewildered to the orange and white contraption bolted to the wall and I now have to read the directions. Have you ever been caught reading the directions of something that 99.9% of people know how to use? You feel like an idiot. Come to find out that you place your hands fingers down into this V shaped mouth and the air (which is like the high pressure driers at an automatic car wash) "push" the water off of your hands. What they neglect to tell you is that the force from the air also pushes all of your skin to the other side of your hand.
|Ahhhhh! My skin is peeling off!|
Epic Fail hands free bathroom architects, Epic Fail.