Thursday, July 26, 2012

50 Shades of Shut the F@%k Up: Chapter 2

Yup, so far this sums it up...
OK, so I made it through the second chapter and to my dismay, Steeley and Double K do not engage in some crazy college chick sex, but let me start at the begining....

Steeley leaves the super incredible Grey tower and head back to Oregon.  She seems to be smitten horned up by the Grey Man.  The whole ride back she keeps replaying the situation in her head and surprisingly no self pleasuration while driving....

Steeley gets back to the apartment, which we find out Double K's parents bought for her and Steeley is mooching off of her well to do friend.  Double K is sitting, obviously feeling much better, it's amazing what a few hours can do, Double K should have gone to the interview herself and then this book would have never been written.  Anyway, they get into a little roommate/best friend scuffle about the Grey Man and how Steeley should have been better armed with information.

Jumping around like a Mexican space shuttle, the author jumps to Steeley's workplace a hardware store....a hardware store??  Sure, why the hell not, most college chicks work at a hardware store, makes sense to me.  And then BAM, just like that she's bake home with Double K, holy bounce house Batman!

So Double K listens to the interview and deduces that Steeley's panties were getting moist for the Grey Man, Steeley denies it and they scuffle again....still no lesbian action.  Steeley makes Double K a sandwich and then goes to bed.  She has a conversation with her mom who, like all mom's do, senses something is wrong and tries to get the info out of Steeley.  Then her friend Jose shows up and invites them the an art show...which I'm sure will play into the story later on.

Back at the hardware store, Steeley is having a rough day because it is busy.  Oh, wait, what's this?  She looks up and sees the Grey Man...no way!  THAT caught me by surprise, I totally wasn't expecting that to happen .  He's dressed like every other regular guy dresses, a "cream chunky-knit sweater, jeans, and walking boots".  What the fuck man?  No guy dresses like that and what the hell are walking boots??

Guess what?  He asks for certain items...ohhhh the suspense is killing me.  He starts off with cable ties...yup cable ties, chances are he is not organizing the cluster of wires behind his computer if you catch my drift.  The second item is masking tape.  Masking tape?  I would have thought duct tape, isn't that what they use in those bondage videos I've seen...er, people tell me about?  The third and final item is rope...yup rope.  Well, gosh, gee, wilikers, what are you gonna use the rope for Grey Man?  The three items he purchases are enough to start a sick mind wandering, despite knowing what Steeley looks like.

Wrapping up the chapter, Steeley and the Grey Man are flirting undressing each other and Steeley suggests doing a photo shoot for the school newspaper and he agrees.  The last page of the chapter sums up ho she REALLY feels, "...leaving me a quivering mass of raging female hormones."  She admits to herself that she likes him and now we wait for chapter 3.

Imagination Factor









Yeah, nothing to really imagine, except what the hell does Steeley look like???


Wishful Thinking Factor








This chapter is pretty realistic, nothing crazy except for the purchases from the Grey Man...seriously?

Visualization Factor








The author seems to explain what everything looks like....except Steeley!!!

Pornographic Factor








I gave two cuffs for this chapter only because of the purchases and the fact that at the end of the chapter Steeley was puddling up from the Grey Man.

High Expectation Factor









No high expectations that I saw, except for the chunky-knit sweater....sorry no self respecting guy is going to wear a cream colored, chunky-knit sweater.

So on a side note, I heard on the radio today that when and if the 50 Shades movie comes out, they are looking at Emma Watson to play Steeley.  Man, that is just going to tarnish my view of Hermione Granger....

Oh, Grey Man, you turn me into raging female Hermiones....get it?








13 comments:

  1. Oh how I look forward to these posts. Apparently and according to my sister, Steele's description is pretty much left anonymous throughout.

    Now either this is so that the women reading this, can put themselves into the role of Steele, which is quite clever, or that the authour is just a lazy arsed bint.

    Enjoying this immensely. :D

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    1. It's one or the other about Steeley's image. But the issue I have now is Hermione Granger's face stuck in my head, and not the Deathly Hallows Hermione either....ugh....

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  2. I'm sorry, what? That description of the Grey Man's clothes is utterly bizarre. Sounds like something my grandad would wear, and certainly not the choice of a young, strapping, millionaire playboy.

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    1. All I could think of was a picture out of a L L Bean Christmas catalog....

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  3. "Yup. I got my cream sweater (tied artfully around my neck) and my walking boots. I have running boots, standing around looking buff boots and my walking boots. These boots are made for walking." I believe walking into a hardware store dressed like that could get a dude's ass kicked, would it not? Does the hardware store facilitate some of the kinky props later? How strange. I love the print out in front of the display! I hope you left it there! lol

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    1. You are correct, if a guy walks into a hardware store looking like that it is an instant ass kicking. However this is set in the Northwest and written by an English woman....

      Sadly I cannot take credit for the sign, someone sent it to me on Fakebook, so I am sure it's been floating around the interweb.

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    2. No matter. I'm just glad it's out there. I'm glad it sat in a store somewhere for any amount of time. It makes me smile.

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  4. The lady writer is a brit, so am wondering if that is the reason that the book seems a tad strange in its writing? IDK your description of the strapping testosterone reminds me of the story line in the movie Easy A- remember Brandon and Olive? :) OR maybe because it didn't start out steamy she didn't want to leave the reader with the idea that the character was a straight up ho and floozy... idk :) Keep up the good work on your 50 S.O.G. review! Can't wait for Chapter 3!

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    1. I followed all seven books from Harry Potter and she was British...LOL.

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  5. Kevin, I'm going to have to skip your 50 shades posts until after I finish my 50 shades experiment and write it up.

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    1. I look forward to your 50 shades experiment Joe!

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  6. When does the kink come in. This book is so dull, I would have put it down by now. No, I would have burned it. What you are doing by reading it for us, that deserves a medal.

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    1. People tell me it appears much deeper into the book...I just finished chapter 3 so that review will be soon....and thanks for the medal recommendation.

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