Sunday, January 1, 2012

Ohhhh Look....It's A Scrotum

In case people didn't know my family and I took a weekend get away to Maine for New Years just to get the frick away from things. We went to Portland to a hotel we enjoy with an indoor pool, free breakfast, you know living the high life. Honestly, we didn't really do anything exciting, we hit the mall (damn mall rats), took in a Portland Pirates hockey game (second row) and swam in the pool...whoo hoo! We didn't even stay up to see the ball drop or rise, depending on which one you watch. Ohhhh, speaking of balls....

One of the best things about going to Maine is there is never a shortage of comedy material. We were eating breakfast on Saturday morning and the typical people where meandering down to the buffet, the sleep pants wearing in public douche canons. If you read my last post you know I despise them, or I should say despisED them. I no longer despise them that bad because of Angry Bird Man. This mutant of a freak came down to breakfast wearing an Angry Bird t-shirt, a pair of fuzzy crocs (don't get me started on those) and...ready for it? To complete this wonderful ensemble, a pair of Angry Bird BOXER SHORTS...yes boxer shorts, complete with the pee pee hole. WHAT THE FUCK are you thinking? No I didn't happen to notice if his winky was peeping out, but I'm pretty sure he had to have known what a dumbass he was because everyone was staring and pointing. We finished breakfast quickly and headed to the cleanse ourselves from the Angry Bird filth.

As I mentioned we went to the Maine Mall as well. It's kind of our thing when we go to Maine, not that it's a special mall but we like going there to walk around. While walking around it hit me, something that pisses me off at any mall I've been to...Mall Streets. What are Mall Streets you ask? Well if you've ever been to a mall you know that most malls are split down the middle by kiosks making it look like a two way street. I think there should be some sort of mall law that you are to do like you do on the roads, you drive on the right side of the road, you should have to walk on the right side of the mall (or left depending on the country). I despise people who walk towards you without deviating for their course and walking between you, if that was a road you would have been in a head on collision for shit's sake. You should walk on the right side and if you need to get to a store on the left side you need to do a u-turn at the next kiosk opening. The food court should be a rest stop, just like the highway, but treat it like a parking lot...NO LOT CROSSERS! Don't get me wrong I understand it's a free country and everything but doesn't it piss you off when someone stops dead in their tracks because they saw that blouse in Amberslutty and Bitch, or whatever they call it or the Stuff A Carcass Factory...that place creeps me the fuck out.

Anyway, all in all it was a pretty fun trip and good get away...with the exception of the Angry Bird Ball Bomber.

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