It was a WHALE of a good time today, the WHALE tale I could tell you about what I saw today would BLOW your mind. I FINally had some fun down here and it wasn't a FLUKE. OK, I'll spare you anymore puns and let you know that we went on a whale watch today. We arrived two hours early to get our tickets and boarded early because the Whale Watch Nazi told us to. I couldn't figure it out at first, I was getting really odd looks, like I murdered one of their beloved water mammals. Then as I removed my hat to scratch my head I figured out why....
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| Bring back the Hartford Whalers! |
Aside from the T or the mall, I found a whale watch to be one of the best people watching experiences ever. There were all kinds people, short, tall, fat, skinny, white trash...every type. I could write forever about all the different people I saw but I will only choose a few. The first one would be the picture taker...not just any picture taker, this picture taker....
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| Looks so easy to take pictures this way... |
OK, first, I understand the new iPad has a super duper retina display and can better pictures than the iPad 2...but I don't think this is the new iPad and I have an iPad 2, the picture taking capabilities are horrible. Second, why would you bring a $600 device onto a whale watch with the possibility of dropping it over board? Someone lost their hat on the ride and was wicked pissed, I can only imagine dropping your iPad. Lastly, where the hell is the cover? Why don't you have a cover? Go out and buy a $30 camera from Target for shit sake!
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| Here's Daddy Ass |
The next person I saw I was not able to get a sneaky picture of, it was like they were watching me the whole time, maybe they were whale activists and didn't like my Hartford Whalers hat. These people reminded me of the family that visited Egypt in Despicable Me. The dad was wearing a stained wife beater and talking about how he'd like to shoot a whale and mount it above the mantle (hmm, maybe they weren't whale lovers after all), the mom tried to look high maintenance but she was only able to pull off the "upper crust, white trash" look and then there was junior, actually his name was Major and I only know that because the dad kept telling him he was a Major pain in the ass. So I assuming that this was the Ass family and the kid's name was Major.
Lastly there was Captain Dumbass. While we were watching the whales, this person kept asking stupid questions and I know there are no such thing as stupid questions, just stupid people and this was a classic case of a stupid person, if I had a Bill Engval sign I would have given it to her. She was standing a few feet away from us but was talking loud enough to be heard . "Do whales eat fish?" "What is that water coming out of the blowhole?" After a few more of these question I lost it when she asked after watching the whale dive back down into the water, "Where did the whale go?" Blink, blink, blink, where the hell do you think the whale went you wombat? It didn't sprout wings and fly into the heavens. Maybe it did, the whale was swimming along fending for itself eating, looked around and said "Fuck this, I'm outta here, the birds have it right."
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| It's a flying whale...you dumbass. |
All in all the whale watch was pretty freaking awesome. The guide said it was one of the better sightings they have had in several months. We saw between 20-25 different whales and got some really cool pictures. The only incident that we saw was the person throwing a plastic bag of puke away BEFORE we even left the dock. The Minions had fun and I would have to say I would definitely do it again...once I save up enough money to pay for the family. Holy shit! We had to pay for parking, the tickets and then they expect tips at the end. I just dropped a weekly paycheck to your company and you want more? It's like tipping at Dunkin Donuts, I don't get it, you don't tip McDonald's or Burger King do you?
We got back to port and were starving so we went and ate a whale, or at least a whale's weight in fried seafood, god damn I am a fat ass this week. I think I have gone from fluffy to damn! in the past few days. Oh well it's vacation and my first week long one in many years, so...
I don't care, you want to know why? Because I'm on fucking vacation.
Just because we did get some really cool pictures of the whales, here are a few for your viewing enjoyment.
