The Oympic Hunt

Growing up, back when the Winter and Summer Olympics were held in the same year, it was exciting.  We planned our TV schedule around those two ten day spans.  There was Olympic fever everywhere you went, red, white and blue everything.  It was fantastic, overwhelming and awe inspiring.

We had the Dream Team, not the Kobe "Rapist" Bryant and Lebron "I'm a Twat Waffle" James dream team but the REAL Dream Team, Jordan, Bird, Barkley, even Magic came out of retirement for this.  It was awesome.  But that was when I was young and now as an adult I have a different view on the Olympics.

I am not going to do like everyone else and write about the Women's Beach Volleyball, where all they have to do is pipe in the grunting from Women's Tennis and you have soft lesbian porn.  Although I do enjoy watching the attractive women slapping each other on the ass and constantly removing that pesky wedgie.

I am not going to write about how China breeds freaks of nature from infancy with no other plan than to win the gold medals in the Olympics and that the Chinese females look like teenage boys and how that if the Chinese Olympian fails and doesn't get a medal, they get sent home to face the firing squad.

 I am not going to write about how NBC fucks everything up by releasing the winners right before the event that they won a medal in.  "Coming up after the medal race, we talk to Chi Chi Jones about how she won her gold medal in the exact same race you are about to watch."

Nope, no sir, my question is simple though, how do they decide where to put the Olympic stadium, village and other buildings that need to be used for the Olympics?  I understand that different countries put bids in, in order to host the Olympics and more than likely it goes to a country that has money.  I get the fact that we will more than likely never see an Olympics in a country like Ecuador, but how do they figure out where to put these monstrosities they need for the Olympics?

What the hell are you going to do with this thing afterward?

Think about it, ever time the Olympics roll around they build a new stadium, look at the Bird's Nest over in China.  Who decides that we need these things, where does the money come from and why?  Can't they convert a football stadium for a couple of weeks?  Nope, they need to demolish some area of a city, which more than likely houses some people or even wildlife.  Can you imagine the letter you would get in the mail if you happen to live in the area that the Olympic Stadium is slated for?

If they are going to keep doing this, they should look at demolishing a Walmart or three or a few McDonald's franchises, (I would say Starbucks, but they are usually in a strip mall) there's plenty of them and you could have the workers work for the Olympics, selling things or serving food, it's a win win.

After they build the monstrosity and the Olympics are over, what do they do with it?  Do they sell it to a NFL team or an MLB team?  They should make it into affordable housing for the down trodden, that's what I think.  The Olympic village is really nothing more than a gigantic complex with hotel suites in it.  Rent them out to people who are less fortunate or give them back to the people they kicked out to build the barracks.

You know what would solve the problem?  Run the Olympics like Ringling Brothers and Barnimum Bailey's Circus.  You come into a town, you set up your Olympic buildings, have the Olympics and then break it down and store it for the next four years.  Simple, easy and cost efficient.  Think about it, that's all the Olympics are anyway, one big circus.


If they ran it like a circus they could cut costs and eliminate the need for erecting a big Bird's Nest in China.  They could just pick different parking lots (Walmarts or McDonald's) throughout whatever city they are occupying that year.  Make it more of an inconvenience to the Olympians and trainers than to the people who actually live in that city year round and make them commute to and from the pool or the water polo pool (don't the horses drown?)  They should map out the city and find the biggest parking lots to put the different buildings in and for the Maker's sake use a stadium that is already there, have it outside...it's SUMMER for shit's sake!


** I can honestly say I did not research before writing this, so if I'm wrong...whatever...

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