Theme Thursday: Taking A Vacation Could Be Hazardous To Your Health

Thursday again??  Well that means it's Theme Thursday and if you want to link up and join the fun head on over HERE and put your post where your mouth is...wow that sounded gay.  For the record I think I am still the only Dad blog amongst a sea of estrogen riddled Mommy blogs...please help?

This week's topic is My Biggest Vacation Disaster.  Well this is going to be sort post, I've never really had any vacation disasters, at least none to ruin a vacation.  As far as I'm concerned if I'm on vacation and not at work, things are pretty damn good.  I could say that nine months after our trip to Cancun, Minion #1 was born, that could be a disaster, depending on the day.  I guess I will give you a few different instances that have happened on past vacations instead.

This isn't the beach you are looking for.

One of the first vacations The Trophy and I ever took (alone) we went to Cape Cod and she got some sort of virus where she couldn't breath well or swallow.  Using my better judgement I convinced her to go to the hospital and there we sat in the E.R. waiting room.  And we sat, and sat, and sat.  Come to find out that even though my wife couldn't breath she was getting skipped over because of this funny little ting called triage.  I used to be an EMT and a volunteer firefighter so I under stood triage.  For those of you who do not know what triage is, it's basically where a person in the medical field decides what order people get treated based on the severity of the case....you're playing God.

So because we are people who don't suck off the system, we got screwed.  We drove to the E.R. whereas all of the drunk ass, blacked out, beach dwellers were brought in by ambulance, so they got priority.  Nice...some eighteen year old dumbass gets cocked on Seagull beach and passes out, his friends call the ambulance because they are just as dumb if not dumber than his drunk ass and he has a place to sleep it off, while there are other people worse off than he is.  Long story short, the Trophy was put on some antibiotics and we continued our vacation with only a span of eight hours that were wasted in the E.R.

Then there was that time we went to Colorado.  We had this trip planned for months, Minion #1 was only eight months old and we were all excited to be going on vacation as a family.  When we arrived at the airport, we were boarded easily and then we sat on the runway...for 90 minutes because our pilot was scared to fly in the rain.  Have you ever been trapped in a long metal tube with an eight month old?  Fan-fucking-tastic.  Back then there wasn't portable DVD players and we weren't fortunate to have smart phones.  There's only so many Veggie Tales books you can read before and eight month old gets bored.

Sad but true, we watched a snow storm come in and then go to 60 degrees

The pilot finally grows a set of balls big enough to take of in the drizzle and we arrive in Pittsburgh, which is about a 90 minute flight, ironically enough.  We arrive just in time to see our connecting flight take off for Denver and were informed that there are no other flights heading out that night.  I guess Pittsburgh pilots are afraid to fly in the dark.  The airline was "kind" enough to give us $25 off vouchers to the Days Inn so that was could stay the night.  We didn't want to stay the night in Pittsburgh, we didn't even want to be in Pittsburgh but there we were, stuck in Pittsburgh with a cranky eight month old Minion and eating dinner at Denny's at 11 PM.  We did make it to Colorado the next day and it was monsoon season out there.  Do you know what happens to Denver, Colorado when it downpours?  It shuts down.  They don't have drainage or something so when it rains, it pours...literally and figuratively.

The last one I will tell you about (I have plenty by the way) is our trip to Cape Cod a few years ago.  It was during hurricane Danielle (I think), it was definitely a hurricane headed towards the Cape and I know this because the traffic was awesome heading down!  Heading off the Cape was a different story.  Anyway, we got down there and everyone was hunkering down, not us though we wanted to go see the waves...we're simple dry land people so things like that amuse us.  We went to the beach where we couldn't see the waves because of the crazy thing that happens at night called darkness.  The wind was blowing (duh) and we left and went to the house to sleep.  I wanted to wake up nice and early to go scope out the destruction and see what happened, again simple people we are.

I woke up at 6:00 AM to the sun shining in through the windows, jumped into the car and drove to the Chatham lighthouse beach where I was greeted with a dozen news station trucks and a few people scratching their heads.  You see, the hurricane never reached the Cape.  It died out during the night and not a damn thing happened.  I talked to some of the news people and they were all pissed, they had spent the night down there in the vans and trucks hoping for the big story and instead all they got was my fat head on camera.

So there you go, a few anecdotes about some of my vacations...hope you enjoyed!